The last two weeks of my life have been a whirlwind. God somehow managed to pack so much into them, I find it hard to believe it has only been two weeks.
Two weeks ago, I took the first step in my new adventure in Connecticut. I moved out of my home in New Jersey, the home God so graciously gifted me with a year ago when I took another leap of faith by moving from New York City to New Jersey.
I was terrified then, and God provided not only a comfortable place to stay, but a true home filled with His sons and daughters. I moved in with a family who was renting out a room in their home, and over the course of this year, they grew to be my family. I love them dearly, and leaving that safe space really broke my heart, but I held onto my faith that it was time to move on.
Deep inside my soul, I knew I had to follow God’s call. If I didn’t, I would be denying Him the possibility to once again draw me closer to Him, which is all I ever wanted. I want to be the closest I can possibly be to God.
My new apartment actually achieves that wish. It is on the top floor of a grand house that sits on a hilltop; I feel like I am living in a crow’s nest in a tree house. Moving into this new apartment, I am once again doing what I never thought I would do. I am renting this apartment by myself; I have never lived on my own before, and I have no idea what I am doing!
While I find myself terrified of messing something up, I always have that faith, faith in God. If He didn’t want me to have this apartment, I would not have been accepted by the landlords – some impediment would have prevented me from getting it.
God has a way of always giving me what I need, especially when I don’t know what it is that I really need. When I was diagnosed with diabetes, I convinced myself that I should never live alone, mainly because if I had a health crisis, no one would be around who would know about it.
Setting that fear aside, the Lord still pushed me into this new living space, as if He was saying, “I trust you.” This was the greatest compliment the Lord could ever give me. Through all the adventures Jesus has walked with me, we have come to this place where not only to I have strong faith in Him, but He has faith in me – faith that I will not stray away from Him. As long as I do not stray away from Him, I will always be safe. I am really not living alone anyway; I just moved in with the Holy Spirit.
These past two weeks have been filled with “moving in,” and I must admit I feel as though I have lost sight of the Lord. I have lost sight of several things; I accidentally conditioned my hair with body lotion because I have been so distracted with house-moving details. My willpower has been completely lost. I cannot even pray without my mind drifting to other subjects.
I am upset because I worry I have lost my close connection to Jesus. I spent a great deal of time working to build that connection during my residence in Ridgewood. Now the Lord has brought me to a new place, trusting I will not fall away from Him, and I am falling short of His expectations. Of course, this is a false truth that I have developed in my head, and allowed the enemy to enter in and convince me that it is actually true.
This time of transition is only temporary, and “this too shall pass”, as the famous saying goes. I may be distracted, but the Holy Spirit remains focused. When I am weak, He is strong, and I am very weak at this point. I suppose it is good that the Holy Spirit is my new and permanent roommate. He has made sure I cannot escape from Him because He will be there waiting for me every day when I come home.