Marriage: God First, Spouse Second, Children Third

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Marriage is a hot-button topic these days. The definition of marriage is challenged all around us, and the nuclear family is attacked by the secularized world. As the Humanae Vitae 2018 Symposium held at the University of America recently confirmed, the nuclear family is in danger. Yet, it is vitally important to the common good of society.  The prevalent use of contraception has had a disastrous effect on families and society as a whole. Instead of reducing the number of abortions, which was the stated intent, abortions have actually increased during the upswing of contraception. The cheapening of sex, and the decline of respect for the procreative aspect of the marriage bed, has much to do with this. Leaving God, and His command to ‘go forth and multiply’, has largely been abandoned as well, leaving us with upside-down values.

“Fertility is not a disease to be treated but a blessing to cherish.”
— Deacon William Williams, M.D. of the Catholic Medical Association

Improvement Needed

With God-given instructions in mind, we find areas of conviction in need of improvement. To facilitate a turnaround in popular thinking, it is a good idea to scrutinize our priorities. If we are to succeed in being a part of the reestablishment of society, it is imperative to look toward what it is that needs changing.

Any good Catholic can tell you that our priority lies in living the kind of life leading to the path toward Heaven. If Heaven is our ultimate goal, then God must be our first priority, for it is through Him that we have the opportunity of spending Eternity in His Presence. Yet, in a worldly sense, moral priorities often take a back set. In order to prepare immortal souls for their true purpose, we must reset our priorities and acknowledge that God comes first.


In a past post, I examined what my husband and I learned about the Sacrament of Matrimony. Yet, to my surprise,  the order of priorities was met with resistance.

Children come third, after God (#1) and spouse (#2).

God’s nature definitely created an unbreakable bond when it came to offspring. The instinct of protection and nurture is a formidable force. This ensures the safety of the little ones and the furthering of the human race. As strong as these impulses are, a worthy spouse will never let children displace the primary earthly spot given to spouse.

According to the instructions my husband and I received before our wedding, and other sources, this should be obvious. Imagine my surprise when I received quite a bit of push-back on this order of priorities. After a few spirited exchanges, I further elaborated on my reasoning. To read the comments of others go to the combox here.

Where Spouse Fits In

Although the Bible doesn’t specifically lay out an order of relationship priorities, there do appear to be some general principles. These might be helpful in understanding the proper priorities and the reasons behind them. Obviously, there should be no disagreement with the fact that God comes first. A quick look at the Ten Commandments confirms this — the first 3 are related to Him.

In direct relationship to this, however, comes scriptural instruction for a married man. He is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25). Similarly, the wife is to submit to her husband ‘as to the Lord’. (Ephesians 5:22). This appears to support the perspective that spouses are second only to God. Since they are ‘one flesh’, this should be a two-way street of respect and mutual love.

Further, under the heading “The marriage bond” the CCC states:

1639 The consent by which the spouses mutually give and receive one another is sealed by God himself.[141] From their covenant arises “an institution, confirmed by the divine law, . . . even in the eyes of society.”[142] The covenant between the spouses is integrated into God’s covenant with man: “Authentic married love is caught up into divine love.”[143]

How About The Children?

As a logical conclusion, this places the fruits of this divine love (the children) as the next natural priority. In this context we find the institution of the Domestic Church.

1666 The Christian home is the place where children receive the first proclamation of the faith. For this reason the family home is rightly called “the domestic church”. Ideally it a community of grace and prayer, a school of human virtues and of Christian charity.

What makes for well-adjusted children is that their parents take the covenant to which they have sworn seriously and place it high on their priority list. Without a stable marriage, children suffer from maladjusted lives or even divorce. Further, while Holy Matrimony is one of the seven sacraments, having children is not — it is a gift of that sacramental covenant. Marriage is the institution that brings godly children, children aren’t the institution that bring a godly marriage.

I must admit that some may be thinking of this in different terms. Naturally, the physical needs of children (whether infant or disabled) must be dealt with on a practical, earthly priority scale. A grown man or woman can certainly deal with their own physical needs — food, shelter, etc. That really isn’t the point I am attempting to make. But even in this instance, care must be taken as to the soundness of the marriage. After all, the natural product of a good marriage is healthy, happy children who are given all they need whether it be spiritual, mental, or physical. Further, when the children mature and go their own way, the covenant that was first established between husband and wife remains.

God bless all marriages and families. As the family goes, so goes society. May we ever preserve our godly relationships!


Originally posted at Catholic Life in Our Times.
Image: Pexels / PD-US

Birgit Jones

Birgit Jones

Birgit finds herself immersed in writing on her blog, Catholic Life In Our Times, where she reflects on current events with a Catholic, pro-life perspective. She also serves as Graphic Editor and Contributing Columnist at Catholic Stand as well as writing for other online Catholic publications.

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11 thoughts on “Marriage: God First, Spouse Second, Children Third”

  1. Avatar

    Marriage and parenthood are not the only path to heaven and anyone who asserts them to be so (or religious life) is a heretical fool. No one has to marry or have kids to get to heaven. We all need to say yes to God in the way he asks us. That’s it. That’s the path. To keep saying yes. Married people and parents aren’t inherently holier or more saint like than anyone else. Yes it should be God, spouse, children. But that’s not the entirety of God’s plan for humans. And plenty of Catholic parents would do well to actually teach their children manners since they seem to be failing in this.

    1. Avatar

      @India, my goodness, where in this post does it say that marriage and children are necessary for salvation? The post is directed toward those who have chosen this vocation but in no way does it indicate that marriage is the only option.

  2. Avatar

    The nuclear family is in danger because it has been held up for the last millennium as a golden calf of idol worship, the only way into the gates of heaven. It is not contraception that has had a disastrous effect on families. It’s the sex worship practiced by all the holy and fertile “families.” BTW, “go forth and multiply” is an Old Testament commandment, not New Testament. The New Testament starts with Matthew in your Bible. You don’t have to say it. You left no room for anything else.

  3. Avatar

    When a father rejects his child even in marriage and only thinks of himself, the mother is the only one there for that child. Men need to put God first and not their selfish desires. The radical women’s movement has convinced men that womenwant sex with no children. Even in marriage men expect this from their wives.

  4. Avatar

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