One of my favorite music groups back when I was in middle school was Match Box Twenty. The lead singer was Rob Thomas who eventually broke off from the group and went solo. He recently released a new song which played on the radio while I was enduring a rather long drive on the highways of New Jersey. It was one of those great divine intervention moments. God had me right where He wanted me, in the perfect place and the perfect state of mind to hear what He wanted me to hear. I heard this:
“I’m not afraid of getting older
I’m one less day from dying young.”
~ Rob Thomas
This came about a week before my birthday. As I have gotten older, birthdays have gotten more and more difficult to go through, for the simple reason I have not been in the place that I thought I would be at that certain age. I really don’t like that birthdays place so much emphasis on this need to evaluate your life up to that point in time. I always seem to come up short in regards to my expectations. This always resulted in me getting angry and blaming the Lord. “Why haven’t you given me this!” I would exclaim, like a ungrateful child throwing a temper tantrum when her parent wouldn’t give her an ice-cream cone before dinner. I was throwing a tantrum because I didn’t understand the workings of the Lord. I only saw my wants, but like a good Father, the Lord knew that I needed to have a good healthy dinner before I could have ice-cream.
Back to my time in my car with Rob Thomas. While I was so focused on the things that I don’t have, I lost sight of all the incredible blessings that I have received, and essentially the truly miraculous life that the Lord has gifted me with. The truth is I could have died several times through out my life. The main one being when I was diagnosed with Type One diabetes, but also numerous other times because of just basic human stupidity. Each day I am one less day from dying young, and that is something to be very thankful for.
In addition, the Lord has also resurrected my life many times. The most recent time was when He delivered me out of New York and into New Jersey. It was a surprising revelation especially to me when I actually realized that I was almost exactly where I wanted to be at this age. I am living on my own, I have a good sustainable job and I have time to devote to My Lord and Savior. Why was I still complaining? There is still a missing piece: a husband and a family. I would like to share this life with someone. This still stings a little, but I am reminded of that father who denied the child the ice-cream. I needed to have a healthy dinner first. I needed to rediscover myself and more importantly I needed to rediscover myself in Him! The Lord has a plan and because He has shown me the miracles He can perform in my life once I actually start listening to Him, I have faith and trust that He will lead me to that husband and family my heart desires. When it does happen though, it will be the cherry on top of the ice-cream. My timeline does not matter, because the Lord’s plan is perfect and I want to follow His plan.
This year instead of asking for a gift from the Lord, I gave a gift of myself to Him.
and receive all my liberty, my memory,
and my entire will,
all that I have and possess.
You have given all to me to you, Lord, I return it.”
~Saint Ignatius of Loyola