One Rule To Follow To Grow In Holiness

The Theological Virtue of Hope helps us to see that we are not made for this world and our true home is waiting for us in heaven. However, we are not meant to simply sit on the side of the road and wait until we are called home. We are meant to know, love, and serve God in this World so that we can be happy with Him in Heaven. And there is so much afforded to the modern day Catholic today, an abundance of ‘tools’, prayers, devotions, and practices given to assist us in fulfilling this purpose. Among these is a rule that I have found to be helpful, at times demanding, but worthwhile and fruitful.

The rule that I have found is simply stated: Don’t Do What You Want To Do. Very easy to say, at times easy to do, but other times very difficult. Whenever an opportunity arises for you to decide on something, Don’t Do What You Want To Do. Someone asks you to drive across town to help them, but you just had a hard day? Don’t Do What You Want To Do. You and your friend disagree on which movie to see? Don’t Do What You Want To Do.

Jesus Himself tells us this when he states, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me”. What does it mean to deny oneself but to say ‘no’ to oneself? Of course we are meant to say no to sin, but to strengthen our wills, we can say no to good things as well. This in turn increases our self control to make it easier to say no to sin and vice.

St. Therese of Lisieux mastered this rule in her Little Way of Love. She would constantly seek to choose and do that which she did not prefer, seeking instead the happiness of others first. She saw the offering of her will as a way to grow in love as she tells us in her autobiography, A Story of a Soul, “True love feeds on sacrifice and becomes more pure and strong the more our natural satisfaction is denied.” Later on in this work, she teaches us that Jesus desires the surrendering of ourselves.

We can surrender ourselves by surrendering our desires, putting those of others first. This is how we die to ourselves. C.S. Lewis comments on this in his work, Screwtape Letters, where the demon in training is told,

“When He [God] talks of their losing their selves, He means only abandoning the clamour of self-will; once they have done that, He really gives them back all their personality, and boasts (I am afraid, sincerely) that when they are wholly His they will be more themselves than ever.”

We actually get more from this rule than we think we are giving up, which helps to understand Christ’s words, “but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” and St. Paul’s sentiments in his statement, “For to me, living is Christ and dying is gain.”

But do we want to give up our choice in absolutely everything? Did not God give us our free will as a gift to us? Are there not moments in which God’s desire for us and our desires are the same? Your answers might be different, but mine are: Maybe, Yes, and Most Definitely Yes!

For instance, I very much think that it was God’s plan for me to marry my wife and I really wanted to marry my wife. So we can see that in big cases like that (i.e. vocations, school or job choices, relocation, etc.) we should discern what we think is in accordance to God’s plan for us. In these big cases, it’s best to talk to those we trust and follow Padre Pio’s stellar advice, “Pray, Hope, and Don’t Worry.”

Another exception to this rule would be when charity demands that we do what we want. For instance, if we want to give someone money, or desire to spend the day at a nursing home, or a friend has invited us out to eat at a nice restaurant. We keep in mind that this rule is merely a tool, not the end of our spiritual life, so we do not want it to get in the way of love of others. Following the theme and teaching of St. Paul in 1 Corinthians 13, even if we follow this little rule perfectly each moment, but we neglect the love of God and neighbor, we have accomplished nothing.

Furthermore, sometimes there are things we like to do are also good for us. I try to exercise, read beneficial books, and enjoy quality time with my family. These I think are important enough to find time for, but to still practice this rule I try not to make my schedule so rigid that I am saying no to love. By this I mean that I do not always schedule activities the way I want. For example, if I want to go to the gym, but someone else wants me for something, and I can make it to the gym later, I try to go with what the other person wants. Also, forward thinking can help us schedule our days to allow for this. In this way we can make sure we have set aside time for Jesus, others, and the gym.

This rule allows us to chip away at our wills and to serve others. In this way we put ourselves last and others first. When we do this we find joy and and truly come to know Jesus’ teaching, “The last will be first and the first will be last.”