I’ve never had a major crisis of faith. I don’t have a massively soiled past.
If you ask my friends, they’d be able to tell you of a stage I went through in college where my coined phrase around our apartment was “I just wanna be bad!” It was a 2-3 month saga. Each weekend, I’d become increasingly antsy and talk endlessly of what I wish I could do, if only I could shake off this pesky conscience. There was a struggle – I wished I could just break loose and do whatever I wanted without worrying about the consequences.
However, no matter how much I wanted to “be bad”, I could never shed my moral compass.
I’ve been tempted, to be sure. I’ve been challenged on my beliefs, standards, boundaries, but have been able to stand my ground.
So, some might say I’ve been blessed with a strong will.
And yet, in a way, I think the smaller sins I commit are more dangerous.
These small sins, these little failings, are easier to brush off. It’s easy to look at them and think “Well…it could be worse” or “These aren’t great, but at least I haven’t done (fill in the blank)!”
By comparing these “smaller” sins to “larger” ones, it’s easy to justify that since I’m avoiding large sins, I’m not “really” sinning. I don’t reeeeeally need to go to confession. The sins I’ve committed aren’t reeeeally that bad.
And so these small sins pile up, they become habitual, they become harder to avoid.
But after all, they aren’t that bad, right?
The devil’s favorite trick is convincing us that our sins aren’t truly sins. Because if an action isn’t truly sinful, then repeating it over and over again isn’t an issue, right?
In a culture where comparison is an unavoidable reality, we’re tempted to do this with the assumed sins of another. You can easily compare your actions to those of a friend, a family member, a celebrity, a reality TV star.
My “small” sins are barely a blip compared to those of a mass murderer, so really, I’m doing alright…right?
What we forget is that God doesn’t see us in this way. He isn’t comparing my soul to that of a reality TV star, when He’s looking at me, He sees me. Just me.
God sees me and loves me. But prior to confession, He also sees the stains from sin on my soul. He doesn’t look at me and say “Well….your stains aren’t as bad as those of so-and-so.” He doesn’t do this, and so neither can I.
It’s essential to develop an acute awareness to our thoughts and actions in our journey to holiness. At the end of the day, a sin is a sin is a sin. No matter how big or small, these actions offend our Savior, the One who gave His life so we might obtain life eternal.
What I find ironic is that if I indeed have been blessed with a strong will, one that has helped me to avoid glaringly obvious sins, why can’t I use that to avoid smaller sins? It might be that in order to receive the fullness of grace that comes with a strong will, I must grow in discipline and self-awareness.
So I remind myself, and encourage you, friends: be alert and vigilant. Grow in virtue and discipline so that you might resist committing not only large sins, but the “smaller” ones as well. Dismiss the temptation to brush off smaller sins and reconcile with our generous, loving God.
