Free Will and the Little Way

This weekend, for the first time in a while, we didn’t have anything scheduled on Saturday.  To take advantage of that, my wife and I planned a cheap outing with our children. I made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, we packed some snacks, and went out for the day. Our itinerary included a trip to a local garden in the morning, some window shopping at the Riverwalk in New Orleans, and a trip to the aquarium.

Despite our great planning, we forgot to bring the double stroller.  That means our three-year old and 19-month old had to do a lot of walking. By the end of the day I had a pretty robust reflection to share on the experience of helping my 19-month old walk.

Throughout the course of the day, I had to alternate between trying to coax my daughter to walk in the right direction, letting her wander freely when there weren’t big crowds or other obstacles, and carrying her when we were just getting too far behind the rest of the family, or too far off course.

I found, in each of these categories, a certain similarity to the spiritual life. It might also be said that there is a progression that follows, or should follow, in each of our spiritual journeys.

First, the free wandering. This is a necessary stage in all of our development. We have to learn to walk, and we have to learn to do it on our own. So too, spiritually, if we’re wandering about aimlessly, or perhaps even in the wrong direction, God will allow us to do so.

He created us without our participation, but He won’t redeem us by force.  Free will is the necessary precondition for love. If God kept all of us from ever getting out of step, there’d be no participation on our end and, thus, a sense in which we were always treated like children.

But God doesn’t want us to walk in the ways of a child all the time.  For us to mature, then, he gives us the chance to choose, even if that choice is bad.

The next stage, walking alongside, or being guided, is what might be called the purgative way in Catholic spiritual theology. It is being guided by the principles of the faith, learning Scripture, beginning to pray, participating in the sacraments.

Just like my daughter might take a few mis-steps, but then get back on track because I gently prodded her back on the right path, in this stage, we’re still given free-will, but we’re learning to unite that free will to God’s. We’re learning, above all, that a true spirituality means we freely give ourselves to Christ.

But at this early stage, we’re still making plenty of mistakes. The key is we know that they are mistakes, that there is a good path, and that we’re trying to find it.

The last stage indicates the highest level of maturity. In spiritual theology, the highest union with God is the unitive way, which follows the illuminative way. I would compare it to a baby being carried in the arms of its parents.  What I’ve said about free will and the necessity of free choice above still holds. But I would say that, in the spiritual life, especially looking to the example of St. Therese of Lisieux, the height of sanctity does not come from one’s own hard work, prayer life, education, or moral works (as important as these all are).  

Instead, it is in giving away our freedom, that we truly grow. When one freely gives all to God, and places it all in His hands, He, like any father, will take care of His child’s needs. St. Therese realized she wasn’t capable of any great works like martyrdom or becoming a knowledgeable professor to teach others in the faith. But, what she could do, what we all can do, is exercise the humility of a child.

She describes the depths of her humility in her autobiography, noting that she wanted to be like a little toy in the hands of God. If He wanted to do something with that toy and treasure it and play with it, that would be great. But if He wanted to leave it alone in the corner, merely valuing it as one of His many possessions, she would be just fine with that.

Her level of humility is perhaps almost impossible to understand in this world, and that’s why we need saints; they show us the power of the Holy Spirit, which lives in our hearts.

When we were traveling about this weekend, how did Chiara (my middle child) get from place to place with the most efficiency? Not when she was free to wander. Not when I was guiding her. It was when I carried her.  The same can be true for us in the spiritual life if, once we have gained our independence, and learned how to use our  freewill, we give it back.

When in the depth of our heart we trust in Jesus to do what it is He wants to do through us, only then will we begin to progress, to be united more deeply to Him. This is what Therese advocated for in her little way.  This is what Jesus was talking about when he placed a child in the midst of his followers and told them all to become like the child, if they are to enter the kingdom.

So if you’ve been doing things your own way, trying to stand firm on your will power, or in your education, just stop right there.  Turn back, place it all in His hands.  And Then, you will begin to mature.