Who are considered the “young adults” in your community? Are they teenagers? Are they single twenty-somethings? Are they young professionals? Are they young mothers and fathers?
It seems that one of the terms that is frequently used to describe a Catholic activity is “young adult.” Who is expected to attend these events? Recently, I attended a Faith on Tap where there were people ranging in age from seventy to twenty. Now, there was no obvious reason why the seventy year olds couldn’t attend, but it did make it a bit awkward. It’s like going to Happy Hour with people from the office that you don’t know well or are from varying age groups. When everyone is similarly situated, there is definitely a different dynamic.
It makes me wonder what ages are appropriately considered “young adults.” In my home parish, they refer to the teenagers as young adults. In another local parish, young adults are those individuals that have graduated from or currently attending college, who might be married, but most likely do not have children.
When you are under thirty, but married with children, where do you fit in?
I get the feeling that the concept of “young adult” has changed over the years. For example, people in my grandparents’ generation might have been married at age 20. Today, it is not uncommon to reach 30 and beyond and still be unmarried. My husband and I were married at age 26. We knew each other for more than eight years prior to getting married, and neither of us felt like we married early or late. It felt like the right time. In New York, a lot of people nowadays are getting married in their 30s, so we were a bit on the earlier side. While some of our friends have children, many more are still single, without children.
Many young adult events take place at night, frequently in bars. The bar scene was never really my thing, but now that I’m a mom and a wife, instead of thinking of my next drink, I’m often wondering what the little guy is up to with the babysitter (usually Grandma). Even though we enjoy a good drink or two, there don’t seem to be many events geared towards people like us. We are young enough (I think) to relate to the 20-somethings, but at the same time, have a lot in common with people in their late 30s or early 40s who have kids. It would be great to go to a Catholic, “young adult” event that didn’t require us to drink and/or find a babysitter.
When we went to the late Mass at our church, we noticed that it was labeled the “Young Adult” Mass. In this context, “young adult” meant teenager, probably still in high school. Also, this particular Mass was sparsely attended, and the majority of the attendees were older people. Looking out over the congregation, you saw a sea of white hair. Again, there is nothing wrong with having people of all age groups get together for Mass or social events or any other Catholic gathering. But when it comes to young people in the Church, I am often left wondering where they are, and where exactly me or my family fits in.
13 thoughts on “Defining “Young Adult””
The Church has “officially” labeled young adults as those persons ages 18-39, and this is the guideline we have followed in establishing a young adult group in our area. Your article is interesting, in that it speaks to the unique dilemma of the young adults who are married, espeically those with children. During the three years it has operated, our group had been comprised largely of this demographic (unusual, I think). My hisband and I are one of them. With this in mind, we have purposely planned many of our events as family friendly get-to-gethers: barbeques, hikes, game nights, etc. Singles and married couples without children have also attended these events, and the single demographic seems to be growing. We also host events that are adult only (though nursing babies are always welcome), and it’s nice to attend an event where I’m not constantly glancing over my shoulder to see where the kids are and what they’re up to. I think there is a rising need in parishes for family-geared activities, but not events that separate families from the extended community. I love that our group is comprised of both, and that our families are supported by the single community, and vice versa. Though our young adult group grew more or less organically – those interested were mostly married with kids – I think it would be wonderful for young adult groups all over the country to plan both single and child-friendly events. Thanks for bringing this to the forefront!
A very good question and fine line to walk. We have a monthly Young Adult Faith, Food, and Fellowship for ages 18-39 I believe. It started off as a nice blend of single and married, but it’s harder to recruit and keep the singles because the married people showed up in force. It’s also hard for the younger spectrum of people to relate to the older spectrum as both are in two completely different places in their lives.
Young adults. Teenagers, twenty-somethings. Young mother. Young fathers. Seventy year olds. Attending college. Might be married. 30 and beyond. Have children. Unmarried. Young enough. Late 30s. Early 40s. Still in high school. Older people. Still single. Without children. People like us.
As long as churches practice ageism, sexism, and marital statusism, there will always be sheep left out in the field. If you take sex off the table, as it will be in heaven, what difference does age make?
Thank you. I just made a comment to this exact thing on the article about “Finding Friends After College.” I know my situation is complicated further by the fact that we are nowhere near our hometowns. We don’t have a social network already in place. I’m told that this is a normal issue for people of our age group, that we all are always moving around. I don’t see it, though. Anyway, thank you for letting me rant. Young adults in my diocese are defined as 18-39, but every young adult ministry I’ve seen caters to singles with no kids.
Because parishes already, naturally, cater to families, as in, couples with children. Young adult ministries are geared toward single persons looking for a spouse or discerning a vocation, preparing them for leadership, building a young faith. Young adults with children have marriage and baptismal prep, mothers’ groups, school events, church picnics, etc.
P.S. It takes a few years each time you move to find and establish a group of friends. A lot of people, families, also don’t easily make room for a new friend.
Since parish life is geared toward married couples with children, I am not sure where you are not finding a place to fit in. Older persons attending these events speaks to the lack of community experienced by many unmarried persons in the Church such as the widowed, mature single persons, and so on. Where exactly does a 40+ go? And let’s face it, once a person passes the early 30s, the young adult ministry is lacking and/or the younger members aren’t too keen having them around. If only we didn’t categorize so much. John Morgan has it right. Take the sex out, and let’s all be friends.
Honestly, I would not see myself hanging around a young adult group if i were married with kids, just like I – as a young, single adult – wouldn’t hang around a Couples for Christ or a home school group or attend PTA meetings at the local school. If you’re married with kids…you’re not a young adult. Period. Marriage and children by virtue make you an adult. I think young adults groups should be geared toward people still figuring their life out in their 20s and 30s. still finding the right job, the right vocation, the right spouse, the right time to start a family, and for some…even the right church (young adult groups need to be at the bars because that’s where our young adult generation is, and that’s where they can be found to bring them to the pews. we have to meet people where they are at to evangelize). If you’re 40 and single, or twenty and married with kids and you don’t feel there’s a group geared toward you…CREATE ONE. Go to your priest and ask to create a young mom’s group or a married group, create a 40 and single group….I guarantee you you’re not the only one in the situation and instead of trying to push yourself in a place that you don’t think you belong, make a comfortable place for you and other people who are sharing your life experiences to bond. Be honest, wouldn’t you rather hang out with other parents then a bunch of young single people at a bar? Meet in a place that you feel fits your lifestyle, and get speakers who can provide talks aimed at you. Talks about family life, parenthood, and shaping your identity as a man or woman, husband or wife, mom or dad. You are not alone, you just have to step up and do it and others will come.
“Marriage and children by virtue make you an adult.” That hits the nail on the head of one of the biggest misconceptions in society today – that it takes marriage to be an adult. I’m 50+ and never married. But I feel very much like an adult.
In fairness, whether or not one agrees with mapooler’s contention that (all) married people with children are adults, it does not necessarily or logically follow from that assertion that, therefore, no unmarried people are adults.
Logically: All married people with children are adults, but not all adults are married people with children.
I’m 27, I’m in the process of getting Confirmed, I couldn’t attend the young groups 16-21, so I had to go to the adult groups (where the second youngest is 35) mostly all the examples they use at every class include marriage and parenthood because all the attendants are married and with children and although I can understand that I guess a lot of people may find that they can’t relate to what they’re saying. After our confirmation we are invited to join the groups at church, my options: Children (before First Communion), Big kids (up to 12 yo), teens (up to 19 or 21 if in confirmation) and married. No single groups, no twenty-somethings group, nothing.
I guess I’ll join the bible groups which is also only adults in their forties, but at least I’m very interested in the studies.
This is a big topic. Like Christine said Young adults are those ages 18-39….and that is a HUGE age/emotional gap. It’s hard finding things that everyone in that age range will like and figuring out how to reach them. I’m like you I’m not big on the bar scene so any kind of “mingling at a bar” really isn’t my thing.
Sometimes I feel like they end up “watering down” (for lack of a better word) young adult events/activities as to not scare people away instead of covering hard topics like holding a bible study or book series..which I think is something this age group would like.
I think it’s important that no matter what state of life we are in – single, married (with or without kids), young end or older end that we are continuing to grow in our faith and meeting with others to form community.
HA I wonder if those older people thought it was a “Young at Heart” event. I once saw an ad for a “young at heart” event and almost went until I realized it was for the 60+ crowd!!
We’re helping to start a young adult group at our parish, and this is one of the hardest parts! There are so many different stages of young adulthood, and each one has different needs. I feel like it’s good to offer a range of events so people can find what suits them. You don’t want it to be just a singles mixer or a mommies’ club.
It doesn’t help that people in our parish tended to lump us in with the high school youth group at first. Since we’re not seniors or parents of kids in the parish school, we seem like an anomaly. Or we’re just part of the generation that doesn’t go to church anymore and need to be evangelized. Really, we just want to be valued parishioners and connect with people our age!
I can’t offer any concrete examples (my parish doesn’t have any active Young Adults group — we seem to be starting to build up a younger population now, however), but I agree with notions that there isn’t a straight demographic answer to the question. It’s a question of age, life experience, and pastoral involvement in terms of how “young adult” you are versus “adult” (or “child/teen”) in the church.
People have pointed out how marriage and children adjusts the comparative age bracket on account of relative life experience — I agree that those of use who are unmarried (as faithful Catholics, many of unmarried into our 30s are also celibate and less experienced in dating, which plays into how we relate to life & social experience compared to even our Catholic peers). Without children, there’s a difference in common ground in experiences — even for those of us not off at the bar like many parents assume singletons are (we may not be single were we out actually meeting each other rather than working and such).
There’s also the issue of pastoral involvement that affects the relationship without the church. I remember, before more young people (and more young couple) started joining the parish of late, that I was the rare “young adult” (at this point at around 30) remaining in this, my baptismal parish. Because folks remembered me from my childhood and there wasn’t a larger “class” of my peers, I was still treated as youth more or less until I actively began working in lay ministry (as first an usher, than also a Eucharistic minister, now in training as a sacristan) to partially in effect force recognition of myself as an adult* — but that only came in effect at the time when there were suddenly enough twentysomethings and returning thirtysomethings to consider a broader category, even if we have no internal identity or communication within ourselves. Although I’ve noticed one new Eucharistic minister (the son of one of the lectors) who I’ve become friendly with followed my example at a much earlier age: I had thought he was a Catholic College sophomore ~20 yo, but he’s actually a Catholic High School sophomore ~16 yo!
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*The irony is that, when my retired father has since returned to the area and the parish after a few years away, the church that’s known him & his own lay ministry for decades now thinks of “Brian and his father” instead “Dick and his son.”
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Rambling aside, I guess my point is that the question of defining “young adult” in a parish IS wholly nebulous. Remember that canonical-adulthood comes at confirmation (a point striking home with the young lay minister issue at my church). The same sort of differences in married vs. single groupings exist outside the parish and are brought into the church doors when Mass begins because it’s an issue of life experiences that are coming into play in defining what is Youth and what is Adulthood. As our Catholic Life is lived 24-7, so we can’t presume that a 20 yo and a 40 yo will be living a different liturgical existence, nor should we assume that a married couple and a single person will be — but we need to know that each set there will be living a very different lived existence, even if they fall in the same broad grouping from an outsider’s perspective.
Hmm…so much for leaving my rambling aside. I blame my particular lived experience being one where I have no one but boxes on Disqus to talk to! 😉