The Duties of Friendship

A secret Master of the Ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends “You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.”
–C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

If the quote from C.S. Lewis is true, then friends are not the family we choose for ourselves–rather, they are the family Christ chooses for us. No one we come across is ever an accident, or even really a choice. We can choose to be friends with them or not, but they are put in our paths by Someone who knows what their presence will mean in our lives.

Friendship is a great treasure, with duties to keep it shiny and beautiful. Everyone makes mistakes, but once the Lord has made you friends with another person, you are in charge of the seed of trust they’ve given you. Now you have the choice to kill it or nurture it. Will you take care of your friend, or betray them? Protect them, or hurt their feelings? It can be difficult but worth it.

Any investment you make for love and affection is going to be worth it. We aren’t meant to be alone, and there are different kinds of love (read The Four Loves for more on that.) What I am talking about here, though, is the love found in friendship–not romantic, not familial. The kind of love that makes it possible to sit together on a weekend and watch television while chewing on popcorn, and just have fun. The kind where you have something in common that binds you.

What, then, are the duties of a friend? A friend understands and forgives. A friend keeps the other’s spirits high, because they know how to do it, and friends help keep one another out of temptation. Friends pray together and are perfectly comfortable with silence as they sit around playing cards or what-have-you. Friends don’t demand anything, but give all they’ve got.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness, and patience, forbearing one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Col 3:12-14

Keep this in mind as you live your life, and meet new people. Some might wind up acquaintances; you may never speak again to others. But there are a handful you’ll find aren’t that different from you–or maybe they are. Those are the best friendships, where two people have so much they disagree on, but still spend time together.

Don’t walk away from someone because they are different from you. God might have a great friendship in your future because of your differences. Also, friendships can change–they can become colder or warmer. Just make sure you know that friendship is a living thing.

If you keep that in mind, you’re ready to have a friend. All the struggle will be worthwhile when you’re growing old, with memories in your heart like photographs. Be a friend–the struggle is worthwhile!