The Other Cafeteria Catholic

[ 23 ] October 5, 2012 AD |

If you travel in Catholic circles for long enough, you’ll encounter those people at some point. You know, the aunt who only goes to Mass on Easter and Christmas. The couple who loudly dare the old man in Rome to try and enter their bedroom. Doesn’t he know most Catholics use birth control? The aging feminist who preaches about women’s ordination at council meetings while everyone else scans the pie charts of the parish’s abysmal failure to tithe and wishes they had signed up for the Rosary Guild instead.

You’ve heard about these folks who fall short –- who nosh on the burgers and fries of easy doctrine, and skip the spinach and eggplant of a challenge — but have you heard about the other cafeteria? Folks here enjoy fine foods and good wine. They love the way ‘arugula’ rolls off the tongue, relish the taste of bizarre things like canard à la rouennaise and turn up their noses at deep-fried anything.

The “other” cafeteria Catholics pick and choose from the Church’s beautiful variety of devotions and make them a requirement for faith. Mary’s gentle admonitions about modesty at Fatima are considered as authoritative as the Pope’s latest encyclical. They are quite sure that angels in heaven are weeping over the uncovered heads at Mass.

These Catholics cling to their own, strict interpretation of Church teaching. “No salvation outside the Church” clearly means our Protestant brethren are condemned to hell. Try to have a conversation about natural family planning, and you’ll get a lecture on the providence of God.

Diners in both cafeterias are often unaware of their picky eating. In the lunchroom of the lax, it’s rare to meet a person well-versed in Theology of the Body who chooses to use artificial contraceptives. Mortal sin? What’s that? Surely a loving God will understand that children put a real strain on one’s finances. There is little malice here – only the desire to maintain a certain level of comfort.

Likewise, the fine diners don’t know that their persnickety zeal can be crushing to those around them. They don’t know that the long sleeve/long skirt/hijab-optional dress code is intimidating – perhaps embarrassing – to their jeans-wearing brethren.  They don’t know that arguing loudly about the superiority of the “traditional form” is alienating to those who barely feel at home in a vernacular Liturgy.

Really, why shouldn’t other parishioners dress appropriately for Mass? And why can’t Father So-and-So learn a bit of Latin. What do they teach them in seminary these days? While he’s at it, he really could improve his homily performance. There are far too many young and childless couples in the congregation.  Father should spend a little more fire and brimstone on “openness to life” and a little less on financial appeals.

Since the readership here at Ignitum is predominantly practicing Catholic, I’m willing to bet most of us have snacked on at least a little endive salad in this room for the upper crust. I have, and what’s the harm?

If being Catholic is a good thing, why not be more than Catholic?

The trouble is two-fold. First, when we hold ourselves to an impossibly high standard, we’ll either despair or become entirely deluded by our pride. Second, by insisting on our own high standards, we impose a heavy burden – one that God himself does not place – on the shoulders of our brothers and sisters.

I will come back to the problems of dining in the second cafeteria in another post, but for now, I leave you with this thought:

Apathy is a dreadful thing to be sure. We know that the God of Revelation spews the lukewarm from his mouth. But if setting the bar too low is wrong, reaching too high is equally deadly. Tower of Babel, anyone?

Ronald Knox said it best in Enthusiasm, his history of various Christian schisms. The diner in the second cafeteria is so wholly preoccupied with his own salvation that he forgets God’s glory. He makes himself susceptible to the disease of scrupulosity and, without too little effort, falls into despair.

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Category: Life, Religion, Uncategorized

About the Author ()

Elizabeth Hoxie is a recent grad of St. Vincent College in Latrobe, PA where she studied biology and Catholic theology. She married the love of her life in October 2010 and she and her husband, Nathan, welcomed their first son, Peter, in August. Elizabeth is taking a leave of absence from medical school to focus on being a full-time mommy. The Hoxie family is about to embark on an adventure in military life where Nathan will serve in the United States Air Force.
  • Anonymous

    Nicely put. I believe that among us Catholics, who desire to reclaim the baby that was thrown out with the bath water by many in the Church back after Vat 2, have to be careful in doing so. A priest recently explained it to me in this way, “We have to conserve the fire from the past, but not the ash.” It is hard to hear Catholics who are faithful, being overly critical of their brothers and sisters for not wearing mantillas and frequenting latin Masses…at the same time I find it equally disheartening to hear that anything Latin is looked upon disdainfully, and ribbon dancing down the aisle with a bowl of incense is seen as the norm. More than finding a balance between the two extremes, I think loving one another and choosing what we do out of love for God, not for the sake of pleasing myself or doing something just because it is old-custom.

    • Elizabeth

      Agreed. I personally find the traditional Latin Mass beautiful although it is not my family’s Liturgical bread and butter.

  • http://www.solemncharge.com John

    I think there is an important distinction between striving for personal perfection, even through optional spiritually rigorous practices of the faith (like wearing a veil, or attending the TLM) and imposing those standards on others. Our Catholic faith is so rich that there are truly countless ways to grow in the faith. Look at the contrast between Aquinas and Therese of Lisieux or even Benedict XVI and JPII. I do agree that projecting our favorite devotions or optional practices on others can be off-putting though.

    In other words, I partially agree with your second point – to the extent that it imposes unnecessarily on others. Your first point gives me pause. In my own life I have found that the more I take on spiritually tough practices of the faith, the better I get at the faith. Take Lent for example – if I strive for daily mass, frequent Eucharistic Adoration and challenging fasting I find I am more successful in accomplishing those than if I decide to “give up” chocolate or something similar. It also strengthens the will over the urges.

    • Elizabeth

      I’ll come back to the first point more and speak from experience. Many people are able to take on difficult spiritual practices and grow through them. Others, like myself, become incredibly scrupulous because the practices lack the proper intention — love.

      • Maureen

        I agree. I also have a tendency to become too scrupulous when I take on too much. It becomes something I have to do and not something I want to do.

  • Karenmoran

    Great reminder. Well put.
    ..so heavenly minded, you’re of no earthly good.

  • Nekeisha

    Great article I have actually been thinking about this exact topic for a couple weeks now. I have met with good Catholics who look down on others for letting their daughters serve at Mass and a host of other things. It is very easy to get in the habit of looking down. I, a bare-headed, pants wearing, female Catholic even found myself doing it a few times.

  • http://inspiredbythisconfidence.blogspot.com Mary C. Tillotson

    I think you are my new best friend.

  • Bruno

    Sorry for the long posts, but this subjected has been on my mind for months.

    Even before rediscovering myself a Catholic, I always had a thing for tradition, and even that helped me getting closer to the Church. God has many ways to call us back, and mine was a deep enmity, perhaps even hatred, for modernity.

    Suddenly I found myself on Sundays at Tridentine Mass, and would refuse going to any Novus Ordo mass. But hear this, despite being so new to the Faith and so full of shortcomings, I couldn’t help the temptation of looking down on what seemed to me a corrupted Christianity and corrupt Christians – corrupted by the modern spirit – and understood as my duty to combat it.

    Then I remembered the Pharisees, and thought whether I was not becoming one. Tradition is beautiful, but since when it has become more important than Love? What happened to “Though shall not judge?”.

    But what then? I could be a Pharisee, but, I would think, the Church is becoming taken by Sadducees! Better the latter then the former, is it not?

    It is then that hit me, that there are Pharisees, and there are Saducees, and it is like that since the time of Christ. I realized I had a choice, which was not between either of them, but that I could also choose He who transcends them and who reprimanded them both. That I should worry about loving instead of correcting.

    Not that it is wrong to correct. It may be an act of love. Only, in my case, I can see it wasn’t.

    And the conclusion: the Catholic Church is, as the name says, universal. Being universal, it can’t help but accommodating various tendencies, and necessarily conflicting tendencies. It is led by the Holy Spirit and no man has authority to correct it. If I want to live by tradition, nothing keeps me from it and the Church itself can nourish me with it, provided I know where to look.

    Vatican II, perhaps, was the product of lack of faith at some level. Lack of faith that the Word of God would keep calling people to it, that it would resist the world, that Christ would keep its promise and that the Church would endure until the end of times. Extreme traditionalism, nowadays, may be lacking the same faith.

    • Elizabeth

      Really interesting, Bruno. Welcome back to the Church! A couple things…
      -Like you, I’m a convert and actually ended up joining the Church in the Byzantine Rite, so I certainly understand the draw of the beautiful and the old.
      -I think it is a huge temptation for us converts and reverts to forget that our return to the Church was a GIFT of the Holy Spirit. Likewise everything good and beautiful the Church has to offer is a gift from the God who loves us.
      -You say: Being universal, it can’t help but accommodating various tendencies, and necessarily conflicting tendencies.
      Actually, the Church can and frequently does refuse to accommodate individual tendencies when it comes to Liturgical practice. The priest “say the black and does the red” so that we are not distracted from the One who makes the Church Universal — Jesus Christ present in the Eucharist.

      • Anonymous

        2 comments:
        1. For Bruno, I completely understand the tendency to want to “correct” or make right what seems corrupted. And you are right, we can’t be Pharisaical with our judgements of others, but at the same time, we have an obligation to listen to the Holy Spirit. Maybe part of the righteous anger is zeal for the house of the Lord. I know when I see priests taking all sorts of liturgical liberties to suit their fancy for the day, I get quite upset as well. Love has to be the motivating factor…and I’m not talking about whether he uses a lavabo dish or not, I mean something like changes the words to the Roman Missal or refusing to give out communion and instead making the people literally take the Host from the dish themselves.

        2. For Elizabeth, …so cool that you joined the Byzantine Church! May I ask which Rite? I grew up a Byzantine myself in the Ruthenian Rite. I think that might be part of the reason why the cowboy music and dancing around the altar at the Roman Rite Masses irritates me so much. I just grew up experiencing the liturgy as something mystical and of another world…where there is little to no stray from the liturgical texts. But I suppose that is just personal preference for me to prefer that kind of liturgical approach as opposed to the one deemed “pastoral” where the priest does what he wants because it is more welcoming to the people.

      • Elizabeth

        Anon,
        Ruthenian like you, although I transferred into the Roman Rite when I got married. The Liturgy of St John Chrysostom will always hold a very special place in my heart.

  • http://mystagogy.tumblr.com/ Janet

    Thank you for a well-written article. I used to be a Cafeteria Catholic of the first kind. It has disheartened me to see how many Catholics nowadays say that Cafeteria Catholics should just leave. I am pretty certain if I had left, I never would have come to realize the fullness of truth. That means my husband wouldn’t be Catholic, my daughter wouldn’t be passionately Catholic, her formerly-agnostic friend wouldn’t be Catholic, her formerly-atheist anti-Catholic friend wouldn’t be currently in RCIA, and my mother-in-law would not have been received into the Church almost two years ago, at age 85.

    I have said this to some who say Cafeteria Catholics should leave. I have asked, does not my soul matter also? What about the souls of these others who were affected? Some Catholics, after hearing this, still think I should have left.

    It breaks my heart.

    God’s teachings are what they are because of His great love for us. I don’t want to be meeting God at the end of my life on earth and hear Him say, “You know that Catholic you convinced to leave the Church? I was trying to convince Him to stay.”

    It will be interesting to see your perspective about the other side of Cafeteria Catholicism.

  • http://realcatholicloveandsex.blogspot.com waywardson23

    This is an excellent post.

    I would like to add that usually there are reasons for eating at the cafeteria.

    The obvious one is that the person really wasn’t converted and their faith is more cultural than spiritual. I think this applies to the Christmas and Easter crowd.

    But there may be more going on than just this.

    The couple that dares Rome to enter their bedroom? Perhaps they were taught that sexuality was wrong and dirty and they (correctly) reject this. Perhaps a mother wasn’t very good at NFP, and her health suffered because of it. Perhaps they had their own problems. Nancy Pelosi–one of the most notorious “Cafeteria Catholics”–had five children in six years. That’s not healthy. Do we really have to wonder why she dissents from Church teaching on contraception?

    The woman who calls for ordination? Perhaps she was incorrectly taught that the Church viewed women as inferior to men.

    As for the other Cafeteria…

    The “gourmet” may have bona fide psychological issues. This may be a case of perfectionism or OCD/scrupulosity.

    Others may have met a lax cafeteria Catholic who horrified them toward traditionalism. For example, the “Catholic” professional who recommends an abortion.

    And when the two meet, it’s a disaster waiting to happen. The “gourmet” Catholic doubles down on his picky eating, where the “junk food” Catholic considers leaving the Church.

    But I see two things in common with both cafeterias.

    One is notoriously poor catechesis. According to a recent report, a large percentage of those who reject Catholic teaching on contraception don’t even know what the correct teaching is. This isn’t dissent, this is ignorance. Many more do not understand it or the reasons behind it. This is not just true for contraception, but across the board. When people do not know and understand the whole faith, they end up picking and choosing in the cafeteria.

    The other is equally poor spiritual development. When someone, often a new convert or revert, is looking for a greater spirituality, often there isn’t much guidance in most parishes. I believe someone has done the math about how in most parishes that if every parishioner went to monthly confession, the priest would have to work 30 hour days to hear them. If administering the sacraments is a problem, spiritual direction is an even bigger one.

    The solution, in my opinion, is a greater role for the laity, in the true spirit of Vatican II. But not just any laity, but faithful, properly educated lay ministers. The priests are necessary for the sacraments, but they cannot minister to all the spiritual needs of an entire congregations.

    This does not turn us into Congregationalists or Protestants. There is a saying that “Many people want to serve God, but only as advisors.” And advising God is not what is needed here. Instead, more of an opportunity for ministry in service.

    • http://theraineyview.wordpress.com Serena

      It’s famous how intense converts, like me, are. But the reason is pretty much as you suggest. We’ve tried all the world’s answers to the confusing issues and seen the horror and the holes in the world’s theories. Now we have heard the truth, and we want to celebrate. Then we hear people groan and giggle and say they should be able to appear before God in their sweats and head off for a day of perfectly avoidable work because they want the extra money, to defy church teaching on ordination, and to skip Mass for three months because they’re busy remodeling their homes, and our hearts break.

  • Elizabeth

    Janet,
    I’m terribly sorry for your experience…how heartbreaking. EVERY soul does matter to Christ and to the Church.

  • Elizabeth S

    Very good article, though I agree with some of the above that you could perhaps be a bit more clear on the distinction between choosing to perform extra tasks for your own spiritual growth and forcing those on others.

    It makes me sad sometimes when the traditional crowd starts going on about how horrible Vatican II was and wouldn’t it be better if they just got rid of it altogether, because everyone knows all languages that aren’t Latin (and possibly the sort of Greek and Hebrew spoken in Jesus’ time) are nasty and corrupt and ugly. I’m not sure I would be Catholic today if it weren’t for Vatican II, not because I’m a convert or a revert, but because I can very well imagine my parents falling away from the Church at some point if it hadn’t begun to use the vernacular. My parents remember the Latin mass, and they remember it as a priest with his back towards them mumbling a bunch of stuff they couldn’t understand and for my mom nuns poking her in the back if she fidgeted or made noise. That’s not to say Vatican II was perfectly implemented, because I agree with anyone who says we could work to improve the music and translations and clean up some of the practices at mass (but it’s an offering from an imperfect people, so even if we go back to Latin it’s never going to be perfect until Jesus comes again and we’re all in heaven together)

    Don’t get me started on the sort of people who say You’re making Mary cry if you don’t say the Fatima prayer or praying a full 150 Hail Mary rosary every day or wearing a proper lace mantilla.

  • http://www.blogtalkradio.com/the-warrior-catholic Chris

    That is an excellent article, Elizabeth! You nailed it on the head when you say that some of the more scrupulous practices are lacking in love. At least in my own experience, most of the “hardcore” Catholics I have known have been very severe and joyless in the practice of their faith as they admonish and lament the fact that everyone else isn’t practicing it the way they do. Not everyone I have encountered is like that, but a good many are. I am looking forward to the conclusion!

    • Micha Elyi

      …most of the “hardcore” Catholics I have known have been very severe and joyless in the practice of their faith…
      –Chris

      And you come to that judgement, how?

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  • richard

    Our Lady weeps and for a reason.

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