Earlier this month, my husband and I moved across state lines to start anew in North Carolina. Everything about the move was exciting – well, except for the packing and the driving. But otherwise, I love moving. I love being in new places, meeting new people, trying new things. That goes for finding a new church as well.
I like trying out different cultural worship styles and I feel blessed that I’ve been able to participate in a handful. I can’t really choose a favorite style of Mass – I really enjoyed the one Mass I ever participated in at Stuebenville University, as well as the three different Masses I was able to attend in Korea. I am looking forward to attending the Latin Mass held the first Sunday of each month at the Cathedral here in Raleigh, which will be drastically different from the little campus ministry Mass I loved in college.
Visiting churches and finding a church home, however, are completely different things.
There are some non-negotiables when it comes to finding a home church. Mess with the Liturgy? No dice. Is something being taught that is clearly heresy? Absolutely never attending again. Do your musicians have no clue what they are doing and why? Buhbye. (I just…I just can’t stand when the music is distracting. I get it, make a joyful noise doesn’t mean make a pleasant noise, but really??) Incidentally, as I was searching for direction on this topic, I found this document from the Church: Instruction Redemptionis Sacramentum. You bet it’s next in my reading queue.
I believe the general rule is to attend the parish whose geographical location you fall in. But what if there are several? Or what if you simply don’t like it, but there is no grave reason not to attend the closest church? Are we obligated to go there anyway? If Jesus is willing to show up, isn’t that enough?
I love, love, love my church back in Pittsburgh. I love the priests and the congregants, the way the Mass is celebrated, the choice of music and the layout of the church. I love everything about it, so it was really hard to leave what I considered near perfection for the unknown. However, I also think it’s important to remember that Mass isn’t being held for me, and attending different masses really helps remind me of that. We attend Mass to worship Christ, which is really easy when we are very comfortable & not so easy when we aren’t. Sometimes when it’s not so easy, we grow because we are being stretched.
As my friend Katie put it, “there are times we are called to serve, and times we are called to be served.” Perhaps a parish doesn’t exactly make me feel all warm and fuzzy every time I leave Mass; that doesn’t mean they love Christ any less, or hunger any less for growth. That’s when I should ask myself, “what can I do for my brothers and sisters here?” Too often though I say “well, that was a bust. Hopefully I find a better church soon!” I can be really judgmental about Mass; there are a lot of things I simply don’t like that other people do. What do I do then?
My approach thus far has been to go to the churches closest to me and try each Mass time at least twice. Luckily for me, the closest church to me also happens to be the one that I look forward to attending the most. But I do try to remember that if Jesus can show up, so can I.
I asked a group of my friends how they choose the parish they attend. Their answers were really helpful and encouraged me to look even deeper into the right reasons to attend a church. And now I’d like to ask you: How do you decide what parish you will belong to?
7 thoughts on “Judging Church”
I based my decision on the music. I grew up with the acoustic music group at Mass, and participated for years. I have now come to appreciate the simplicity of plainchant and the importance of doing the Psalm that’s designated for the day. And that’s what I found at my current parish, where I joined the choir immediately.
I am actually about to begin the process of doing this right now. I recently got my drivers license at 18 and, since my church attendance has been slacking, being brutally honest. I want to be able to get involved with a church of my choosing, and hold myself to going every week at least once. There’s nothing really wrong with the church closest to me that I grew up in, but it’s more ‘modern’ and I have begun to think that I want to attend a more traditional church, even though I like more upbeat music in modern leaning churches. But that thought has been in my head, to just attend the one closest to me, because regardless Jesus is present at them all. And now I’m torn between finding a church that I like and feel the Spirit, or just sticking with the one closest to my home.
I have often struggled with this question. I prefer a traditional mass with chant in a beautiful church. We have a lot of ugly churches that were build around the 70s in my city. My current church is in a multipurpose room that was supposed to be temporary when it started 30 years ago. I stay because it is close to home, it’s my family’s parish, and the priests are wonderful. I am waiting to hear whether they are open to a having a more traditional mass.
We belong to a parish of intention, the Oratory Church of St. Boniface; almost all our members are “refugees” from other parishes for a variety of reasons. We came for what I termed liturgical respite care (including an extraordinary choir), and stayed for what turned out to be a warm, vibrant community with unbelievably kind pastoral care; the care given the liturgy, rather than being “just externals” or some kind of performance or professionalism, turned out to be an apt reflection of the care given to most aspects of parish life. More here:
http://crazystable.squarespace.com/journal/2012/4/13/parish-hopping-or-life-saving.html
It wasn’t hard this year – my husband’s on scholarship to be in the choir, so we go to the chapel on campus, even though the local parish is about 15 minutes closer.
When I lived in Toledo, Ohio, for a summer, I did quite a bit of “church shopping” since I actually had options. I never totally settled – if I were to go back, I’d probably mostly go to St. Joseph’s novus ordo with an occasional stop at the cathedral, and still do some touring. I think the main thing for me was: “Can I pray here?” And of course “Do I feel better than everyone else here? Do I feel better than everyone else because I go here?” Those are important questions, too. If I go to a place that’s too wishy-washy, I think I’m better than everyone else at the parish, and that isn’t healthy. If I go to a place that’s too particular, I feel like I’m better than the rest of the world because I chose this church, or I feel like the whole congregation is judging me because I can’t say the confiteor in Latin, backwards. Of course, a lot of this could be remedied by reforming my own heart, but the truth is that I’m not perfect, and it’s easier to focus on Christ if I don’t have to put all this energy into an internal wrestling match every week.
That said, I also love walking to church. Even if the only parish within walking distance is wishy-washy, I like to make visits there, and maybe daily Mass, even if I go elsewhere regularly.
I think that if you’re at a parish where most people don’t kneel to pray after Mass, your example of devotion can be a good influence, and there’s something to be said for that. As long as your ego doesn’t explode and ruin the whole thing. That happens to me a lot.
When my wife and I moved to a nearby city. We looked at a number of parishes. The materially poorer but spiritually rich parish was the one we felt most welcome in. I remember the pastor telling me that when people earn enough money they move on to the wealthy parish down the street. I think he was half joking. But what he didn’t know was we already earned enough. We have been at the poorer parish ever since. There are truly people of every race and material ladder there. I think this is very important and something vital for your children to experience. Seeing only others who look like ourselves makes for a poorer parish.
When I decided to come back to the Catholic Church after 30 years of wondering, I tried mass at four churches. Something was missing in all four for me so I tried a Latin mass in a city 50 miles away and was amazed. I didn’t understand the language, but I saw the reverence and felt as if God was talking to me but not in Latin or English, but something deeper and more wonderful. I follow along in the missal as best I can, it is more work than an English mass, but the mass is so reverent and beautiful. It has definitely helped me grow spiritually. I can’t explain why it works for me. Maybe it is because I feel like I am participating in a miraculous thing as the bread and wine are turned into Christ’s body and blood. At the English masses I attended, I felt like I was being entertained with modern music and the priest cracking Jokes during his sermon. At the Latin mass I felt like it was all about worshiping God and being part of that miracle where Christ comes down to us in the bread and wine.
Thank God that the Church has allowed this ancient mass to continue, I just wish there was one close to where I live. I wish I had the spirituality that most Catholics have and I could get from the English mass at home what I get from the Latin mass fifty miles away but I will take what God grants me.