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Christ, My Wingman

August 24, AD 2012 15 Comments

The morning after my future sister’s wedding, my fiance and I attended the family brunch and were asked the question: short or long engagement?

B. said “short” and I said “long” – the listeners laughed.

We’ve been engaged for eight months now; four more months to go. It’s been a struggle intertwined with the joy of  deepening our relationship and connections. As B. prepares to apply for residencies, I’m working, planning our wedding and preparing to transition into married life. We’ve made budgets and meshed five year plans. I’ve decided to delay grad school and he’s studied for and taken test after test following each rotation.

The author and her fiance, B.

And that’s love, we’ve been told – let each struggle bring you closer together and closer to God, they say. But those practicalities are not even the hardest part for us. No, the hardest part of our engagement is that we’re still single people.

We’re long-distance and living with our families. B.’s weekends are usually on call and I try to balance my schedule with his. I’m squirreling away my income so we don’t have to take out any more loans. We’re preparing to join two lives, two finances, two kinds of dish washing preferences and styles and prayer lives and quirks together into one union.

We’re single and we’re engaged and we’re ready to be married in a very real and literal way. This is our struggle, and there is a profound loneliness no amount of hand holding, night prayers or assurances of love can quench. This is why we both need Christ.

In Song of Solomon, it reads

Upon my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not; I called him, but he gave me no answer. “I will rise ow and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves.” I sought him, and found him not. The watchmen found me, as they went about the city. “Have you seen him whom my soul loves?” Scarcely has I passed them, when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother’s house… I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the hinds of the field, that you stir not up nor awaken love until it please” (3:1-5).

In these verses, I see my own beloved, and think of our chance meeting; I also see Christ in them. I experienced many heart wrangles before experiencing such human love, and I am of the firmest persuasion that B. and I met when we did because of Christ’s divine love for us.

Many single people desire to marry but do not first seek the peace of Christ first. Too often, God becomes an acquaintance when he should be the wingman.

In 1979, Blessed John Paul II addressed young people in Madison Square Garden. He told them that the meaning of life is to know Christ:

When you wonder about the mystery of yourself, look to Christ who gives you the meaning of life. When you wonder what it means to be a mature person, look to Christ who is the fullness of humanity.  And when you wonder about your role in the future of the world and the of the United States, look to Christ.

In the midst of my engagement, as I pray thanksgiving to God for my intended, I also talk to Christ about our struggles. Even in an engagement, there is a lot of loneliness. There are times we cannot talk, we cannot comfort, and we cannot be with each other. We cannot yet share many the ordinary movements which make up life. Still, this time is not wasted and it is needed.  I am glad the Church requires at least six months for the engagement period. I am glad we struggle with temptation instead of trivializing it. I am glad that we can help carry this cross with Christ.

It is in Christ that I first loved B. It is in Christ that I love him and others. It is only in Christ whom I can rest my heart. It is him whom my soul seeks, and one is never truly single when Christ is with you.

Christ, my Lord! Christ, my Savior! Christ, my wingman! Pray for us! Be with us! We’re in it for the long haul.

This post was inspired by Liesl‘s “Being Single Series” on her blog, The Spiritual Workout.

About the Author:

J.R. Baldwin is the Editor-in-chief at Ignitum Today. A former statehouse reporter, she teaches history for a classical school and writes for The Imaginative Conservative. She blogs at The Corner With A View, and tweets from @thejulieview. A Midwesterner by birth, she lives out East with her husband and bebes.
  • “I am glad we struggle with temptation instead of trivializing it.”

    I love that thought so much — I’m glad we struggle, too. I’m glad we don’t trivialize it… because we would be trivializing half of what we experience in this life! I’m glad that the Church encourages us (like such a good mother) to lean into the self-denial, suffering, and waiting instead of acting as though we should get what we want, when we want it. Would there be a better way to prepare for marriage? Beautiful.

    • Hey, I see your Twitter says you’re a Sister. What Religious Order do you belong to?

      • She’s a sister with siblings!

      • haha, yes — a sister to three!

    • Thank you Mary! I love what C.S. Lewis says about temptation – that the people who really know it are the ones are the ones who resist it. There is so much to gain from self-sacrifice – including a closer relationship to God!

  • May God grant us all chastity!

  • Hey Julie, I liked your post very much, we are just starting a blog (on The Queenship of Mary, 08/22), so I am browsing through different blogs and I enjoy the Ignitum today blogs. Engaged couples are all our life. I am sure you already started your marriage prep but just in case. We launched CatholicMarriagePrepOnline.com course in 2004 in the Archdiocese of Denver;over 10,000 couples went through the course. Mainly b/c couples were separated but not only. It’s deeply rooted in JP II TOB and the teachings of the Catholic Church. Deeply spiritual. Please check it out, God bless.

  • This, this is what I needed to hear. Thank you.

    • I’m so blessed to hear that, thank you! Praying for you and your beloved, Emily! Pax tecum!

  • When Luke drove 700 miles away from me, back to campus, and announced our engagement to his friends and professors, he was told “Engagement – that’s the worst part of the relationship.” Long-distance dating stinks. Long-distance engagement is even worse. I totally understand the frustrations of balancing your official singleness with your plans to blend your lives. It is so annoying. But worth it. Totally and absolutely worth it. From my not-yet-two months of experience, I’ll tell you that marriage is wonderful! May God grant you patience and purity.

  • This is an amazing reflection, Julie! I used to think if I was struggling with the frustration of wanting my engagement to be over, already, I was doing something wrong. What I’ve come to see, though, is that there is so much beauty in the struggle. I realized I shouldn’t feel guilty about my frustration and impatience, but that I should recognize it as an opportunity to let myself be purified. There’s nothing wrong with struggling, I saw; it was my choice to embrace it or not that made a difference. There really is a sweetness to the Cross, and He definitely delights in us taking it on!

  • Mary

    Thank you for this post. I just get engaged last week. I have to leave in two days for my final year of grad school in Austria. I am not looking to being so far away from my fiance, but I am so blessed to be with someone who loves me so much that he encourages me to finish my education and take advantage of this amazing opportunity I have! Most importantly, I’m so thankful that God has given us the grace to do His will and make this possible for us. I know that the only way I’ll survive this year and stay sane and actually prepare for marriage is by getting down on my knees and clinging to Christ! I know it will be so worth the wait to finally start out lives together.

  • Julie,
    Your faithfulness will be rewarded! Thanks for your great blog. God Bless you and B.!!!

  • Beautiful sharing on your right wingman. Put Christ in the centre of your relationship and you both will do well! God bless.

  • This was very inspiring. Check out my site @ http://www.gmwapparel.com, God is My Wingman. I have been working with Christian dating sites to promote my message of letting God being your Wingman in searching for Mr./Mrs. Right! I’d like to advertise with you on your site. Please let me know! God Bless