I had an Epiphany through Pinterest that had nothing to do with lace doilies, spray paint, low calorie cheese cake, or wedding table runners (per se…).
Last year, Sr. Lisa challenged me to examine my vocation and I did… kind of. Tony called me on my bull you-know-what, correctly so. I spent the next while asking a lot of questions I never wanted to fully explore.
Truth be told, I didn’t want to be a nun. I had just celebrated my six-monthaversary with my wonderful beau and I was looking forward to teaching my kids to swim and make perfect rice krispie treats. The best I could do in terms of openness to God’s will was, “I want to want to do God’s will.”
So I wrote this, which almost tore me in half. My beau proved his worth to me and told me he wanted me to follow God’s will, too. We’ve prayed. I’ve prayed. I’ve only really discussed it with him and my sisters for fear of over-thinking instead of over-praying.
I knew what I wanted (marriage) and I was 99% positive I knew God was calling me to marriage. I told God many times (often in frustration) to just confirm it, already.
I believe God answered my prayers through Pinterest. Our God is very wise. He knows I’ve been spending a lot of my free time mindlessly pinning and re-pinning on that crack cocaine of social networking sites, so he got me where I least expected Him.
There was a simple pin that promised a ten point list about how to show your children you love them in simple ways. I thought, “I could think of 56 ways to do that right now, involving lunch box notes, lipstick kisses, shoelace-tying, knee scrape nursing, and thunder storm refugee hosting.”
A flash of my life as a wife and mother zipped through my brain and I noticed all of the footsteps God placed on my heart and mind throughout my life that lead me to what I believe is my vocation.
I’m not just good at being around kids, I’m good at teaching. I’m not just good at teaching, I’m good at applying what I know about the kid to how best to teach them something. I’m not just good at applying these strategies to kids, I’m good at foreseeing a bigger picture. God has prepared me for building a family with a man from the ground, up, not simply being in the lives of children. And by ground up, I mean, from the base of this pyramid:
I like the nostalgia of family traditions. I want to teach my children about the importance and joy in service. I want to establish routines. I want to go to terrible cartoon movies and draw with big colored chalk again. I want to read 10 page picture books, and I want to walk into my bedroom one day and see a finger-painting masterpiece created by a two foot tall munchkin on my wall.
Of course, I continue to wait for God’s timing. However, I believe He answered me. I don’t think I did this “flash” of PINspiration justice because I can’t review all of the little life moments I noted that pointed me in this direction, but this is the gist.
What was your discernment like? Did God make things clear gradually or all at once?