“St. Anne, St. Anne find me a man”

[ 21 ] July 25, 2012 AD |

“St. Anne, St. Anne find me a man” is a popular piety that has been repeated by many single Catholic ladies on the eve of her feast day.  The history of the connection between St. Anne and single ladies finding a man is difficult to find.  But who is this St. Anne? 

 

Long ago, in a Podunk country near the center of trade between East and West, a couple named Joachim and Anne were practicing their Jewish faith.  Like all Israelites, they were anticipating the long awaited Messiah, the Word of God, the same Logos that Greek philosophers before them spoke.  They would undoubtedly travel to Jerusalem and celebrate the Passover.  I wonder if they would realize that the sacrificial bloody lamb that they would consume would be replaced by another Lamb, that would also be sacrificed and consumed.  I wonder if they would realize that the recalling of the Passover and its release of bondage from the slavery in Egypt would be fulfilled with another Pasch and a release from the slavery of a deadlier master, sin.

 

As tradition has passed down, a barren Anne and childless Joachim from Nazareth were given the great grace of conceiving Miriam, or as she is known today, Mary.  Mary, or Full of Grace, as the angel called her, was chosen to give birth to the Son, God made Flesh, God with us, the fulfillment of the New Covenant.

 

Tomorrow, my beautiful daughter will celebrate her feast day saint.  We will recall the life of Saint Anne, her raising of Mary and her relationship with her grandson, Jesus.  Like this family of 2000 years ago, we will probably celebrate with food and drink.  The food and drink will also be a symbol of another celebration that reminds us of yet another meal that was broken and shared.

 

“For by the chaste and holy life you led together, you have fashioned a jewel of virginity: she who remained a virgin before, during, and after giving birth. She along for all time would maintain her virginity in mind and soul as well as in body. Joachim and Anne, how chaste a couple! While leading a devout and holy life in your human nature, you gave birth to a daughter nobler than the angels, whose queen she now is.”  –excerpt from a sermon by Bishop Saint John Damascene

 

There is yet another wonderful connection to this week.  As Catholics in the USA, we celebrate with the couple Joachim and Anne, the Natural Family.  Like this couple of tradition, we approach each other according to our nature of masculine and feminine.  Without abusing our natures and keeping in mind and heart responsible parenthood, the science of the human body is presented to us in the form of Natural Family Planning.  We celebrate that making love naturally is great.  The mystery of life is ever present without any such barriers to giving ourselves fully to each other; we don’t hold anything back including our fertility.  This method calls us to struggle against the generic sex that unnatural sex offers.  In our favor, evangelizing our culture is quite easy.  NFP makes it even easier because we actually have scientific and biological knowledge of fertility and its beautiful design written in us.

 

There is little doubt that couples are struggling.  I can see why if a man and woman enter a marriage thinking “I will do whatever makes me happy.”  This curse is broken with the good news that marriage is supposed to a gift of yourself to another person.  How can you give yourself fully to another if you hold something back for yourself?  Our culture is thirsting for fulfillment in marriage and relationships.  Just go buy some groceries and look at the magazine rack.  Look at the stats on men and women that rot their brain on porn.  There is a wonderful antidote to this zombie existence of unrecreational sex.  That truth serum is simply being open to creational sex.  It is not easy; we are a fallen and bent race.  However, not seeking creational conjugation is like cowering in failure or accepting a dreadful disease as the way life is supposed to be.  If you have fallen, get back up and try again and again and again.  In a culture racked by broken homes and divorce, we bear a message of hope that marriage can be life-lasting, through self-donation and as nature intended, when we give ourselves we also receive our own fulfillment. It shouldn’t take Tolkien’s character Gollum to tell us that living solely for pleasure-of-self will warp us.

Natural Family Planning is not all sunshine and daisies.  It is gritty and plucky.  Babies are cute and cuddly.  But they also stink a room, barf on your shoulder, and poop raisins whole.  NFP is similar.  It has its glories and its difficulties.  Marriages stay together, couples copulate conscientiously according to their blueprint but the couple also struggles to discern, to be chaste, and to live for the other person.  Also, like babies, it takes education, personal development, and proper feeding, which all take work and cooperation between couples.  But isn’t that one of the reasons marriage is so incredible? 

 

NFP is real sex, real masculinity and femininity.  It doesn’t throw out the most powerful characteristic we possess.

 

What are some of your struggles in practicing Natural Family Planning?  What are of the benefits you have found?  What gave you the confidence to start?  What were you concerned with before trying it?

 

 

Category: Relationships

About the Author ()

J.Q. lives in the country of Texas with his wife Denise, a Southern Belle from Trinidad and Tobago, and his three children. He holds two graduate degrees from Our Lady of the Lake University in San Antonio, an MBA and Master of Science in Organizational Leadership, and a Bachelor of Arts degree from Franciscan University of Steubenville. Having taught for five years in Catholic education, he now works in the construction industry in Victoria, TX. He is a parishioner of Holy Family of Joseph, Mary, and Jesus Parish in the Diocese of Victoria.
  • http://www.healingandempowerment.blogspot,.com Phil Dzialo

    The purpose of NFP is to avoid conception and prevent unwanted pregnancy (using scientifically determined biological rhythms and apparently approved by the RC Church); hence validating the world’s belief that sex is both for procreation and for fun. The purpose of contraception is the same. Same ends, somewhat different means. People are not stupid which is why 98% of self-described Catholic women between 15 and 44 have used artificial contraception. If the Church has healthier attitudes toward human sexuality we could have prevented the rampant clergy abuse of the past 50 years.

  • Bee

    Phil, I can appreciate where you’re coming from, but hopefully I can shed some light on those misconceptions. Yes, the end result is the same – prevention of conception/pregnancy – but it is PRECISELY because the means to achieve that end are different that NFP is a morally legit way to space pregnancies and prevent conception when a couple discerns that it is prudent to do so. The difference is that the couple is not physically closed to the procreative potential of sex. Contemporary teachings on sexuality – presented by the Church, even! – do say that sex is for both babies and bonding (and not necessarily at the same time, either). For a healthy, beautiful, affirming attitude toward human sexuality, I invite you to read up on JPII’s the Theology of the Body. God bless.

  • Marian

    Phil, if the Penn State fiasco has taught us anything, it’s that child sex abuse is certainly not something exclusively found within the Catholic Church. Both are awful and horrifying, and ultimately a product of the same instant gratification culture that promotes artificial birth control, and tells men and women that we are little better than apes who walk on two legs, so why exercise any self-control? Do what feels good, man! Both cases are disgraceful and heartbreaking, but at least in the case of the Catholic Church, we have gone to great lengths to try to prevent this from ever happening again. Also, regarding the 98% statistic, please fact check a bit before you post. http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/religious-liberty/conscience-protection/upload/Response-to-WH-Blog-on-HHS-Mandate.pdf The number is actually closer to 69%, still high, but not nearly as mind-bogglingly high as you represented. You accuse the Church of having unhealthy attitudes towards sex. What do you say of the studies that show the health risks (not to mention the environmental effects) of taking birth control pills? http://www.1flesh.org/category/arguments/ This information is suppressed from the general public. Which side truly has an unhealthy take on sex?

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  • tz

    If you read Humanae Vitae, or the Catechism, using NFP is permitted FOR SERIOUS REASONS. For that matter total abstinence is also permitted and has the same end in preventing conception. NFP can also be used for the reverse – to try to conceive a child. Breastfeeding also will prevent conception. It is a very different thing to be cooperating with nature but be open to life even if the probability of conception is low – God can do miracles, and doing something unnatural to insure God will not be present to create a new soul.

    And men are easy to find. Someone who would be a good husband and father is much more difficult.

  • J.Q. Tomanek

    Phil, “The purpose of NFP is to avoid conception and prevent unwanted pregnancy (using scientifically determined biological rhythms and apparently approved by the RC Church)” I believe is the faulty statement. I cannot read the hearts of couples to know why they practice NFP. I do know that NFP’s practice elightens the mind of the beauty and design of fertility and the reproductive system.

    As Misty wrote about here, NFP is the just the foundation, proper formation, education, development, communication, and so many other things need to be taught or even re-learned. http://www.catholicsistas.com/2012/07/26/nfp-is-just-the-beginning/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=nfp-is-just-the-beginning

  • http://www.healingandempowerment.blogspot.com Phil Dzialo

    @J.Q.
    “NFP is an umbrella term for certain methods used to achieve or avoid pregnancy. These methods are based on the observation and interpretation of the naturally occurring biological markers of the fertile and infertile phases of a woman’s menstrual cycle. NFP is distinct from calendar rhythm, is applicable to all women, and can be used at any stage of a woman’s reproductive life” The Archdiocese of Boston, BostonCatholic.org

    My thinking may be faulty, but I don’t think so. The above is from BostonCatholic.org, the Archdiocese of Boston & Sean Cardinal O’Malley…purpose to achieve or avoid pregnancy…that’s pretty straightforward. Avoiding pregnancy is natural, scientific based contraception.

  • Sarah Babbs

    Phil, what you’re missing is a subtle but fundamental distinction between birth control and contraception. Contraception is anything internal or external which separates sex from its dual ends of unity of spouses and procreation of children. Couples who practice Nfp are not doing anything to seperate sex from those ends, instead they Re choosing to not engage in sex at all during times of fertility. Nfp is nothing but information, which a couple can use to avoid or achieve pregnancy. For Nfp to be contraception , couples would have to do something to the sex act to make it infertile, rather than recognize when it is naturally fertile or infertile, and make a choice based on that.

  • http://manwithblackhat.blogspot.com David L Alexander

    “If you read Humanae Vitae, or the Catechism, using NFP is permitted FOR SERIOUS REASONS.”

    At the same time, there is no attempt at a detailed criterion of what constitutes “serious reasons.” The operative word here is “detailed.” Pope Paul outlines how a couple should go about their decision. But so many discussions (like, oh, the one you’re reading right now) go just to the edge of telling a couple just how many children they should have, and how often they should or should not have relations on a non-procreative pretext. But the marital act is not only procreative, but unitive. The couple becomes more than the sum of its parts even before children are present, by virtue of the means employed to create them. The means itself must be holy as well as the end, even on its own. If its holiness is suspect as a means, logic dictates that this would taint the end as well. But since it does not, a married couple may engage in their marital privilege, without having to explain to their good Catholic neighbors why they don’t yet have any children.

    I’m old enough to remember when things like that were nobody else’s business. That was some years before Humane Vitae.

  • Joe

    Phil, the clergy abuse was done by men who took advantage of post pubescent boys. Men engaging in sexual conduct with other males, hmm, sounds like a homosexual problem to me. But then again the media will never let it get out that these men were homosexuals. Pray for us Saint Anne

  • Joe

    Chastity before marriage is a deeply important message. Why, then, are our “Catholic” colleges such cesspools? When I married my wife, I thought “Great! A U-Dallas grad…a serious Catholic!”. Unfortunately I was completely wrong. She spent most of her Master’s and Doctoral years having frequent sex with numerous other U-Dallas students from the Institute for Philosophic Studies, of all places! When Catholic colleges do nothing to demand chastity, sobriety (U-Dallas is apparently infamous on the Web for its students (often underage) binge drinking), and right action from its students, then they are not only frauds, but abominations desecrating our Faith.

  • J.Q. Tomanek

    Joe, Of course chastity before marriage is important. I don’t know about UD, but at FUS we had dorm rules that created a good learning enviroment. Opposite sexes could only be in the other’s dorm room for four hours on Saturday and Sunday with the door open. Did this stop sin? Of course not. People still broke the rules, went off campus, or whatever. But predominantly these people would also be in the confessional line and not receiving the Eucharist until doing so.

    What I observed was that many of the students came from our secular culture not long before going to college. Knowing right and wrong is much different than being formed in right and wrong. This is probably the reason many saints speak of the need for spiritual direction. Knowing is the first step, practicing and perfecting comes next.

    Don’t get me wrong though. There were many young people that did not struggle with this sin even though they may have other sins that needed to be forgiven. The university did a good job of doing what it could to support the virtuous life.

  • Esperanza

    @Joe
    Actually it sounds like a problem of paedophilia NOT homosexuality (which is another issue altogether?!).

    I understand what the Church teaches on homosexuality and at no point does our Church conflate THAT with the scourge of paedophilia…

  • Matt B

    Watch out for St. Anne – she’s a performer. The discussion about NFP is like all discussions about sex: it sadly misses the point. Did you ever stop in the midst of a thrall of love to split infinitives like St. Thomas Aquinas? There are only 3 things you need to know about the properly marital relations:

    1 – Preparation is the key. For sex to work out for a couple, they need to know and respect eachother as persons. This requires refraining from sex in the critical “before-time.” All that traditional hoo-haa is really well founded and that important. Of course, if you’re going to pursue 12 years of post-secondary education, you don’t stand a chance. Leave that to the celibate men.
    2 – Children are really, really a blessing. Really. The only reason to refrain from having children is physical weakness. (And that does happen.) Even money is not such an insuperable reason for postponing children. After all, God does provide.
    3 – This too will pass. The dilemma of sex diminishes to a gentle remembrance sooner than you think. Don’t be fooled by all those AARP covers with sexy sixty-somethings. Your day will pass, so make the time a memorable one, and not a cause for regret.
    St. Anne pray for us!

  • http://www.healingandempowerment.blogspot,.com Phil Dzialo

    @ Matt D

    “This too will pass?” I’m 65 and you obviously you don’t have a clue about what you’re talking about (#3). Sex does NOT diminish to a gentle remembrance, in fact, it does get mature and sensuality heightens. What’s really regrettable is that you spread falsehood which is not borne out by then elderly seniors I know. I am also certain there are more than 3 things people should know, but this is not the place….

  • Matt B

    @phil – I’m envisioning that spread in GQ. Congratulations on your longevity. You are truly a child of the age of Aquarius.

  • J.Q. Tomanek

    Phil, perhaps this is the place to discuss. I am tired of Catholics being too holy to discuss how to have an orgasm. If my mystical experience with the Lord, often experience bridally in Scriptur, is good enough for expressing the Holy Mass perhaps a husband and wife may need to learn about their bodies in a holy and dignified way. Forgive me for blushing when I read JPII’s TOB. So I agree with you, more than three is often required. Now I would like to ask how you square NFP from your first reply above with your last. Isn’t post fertility life scientific and biological knowledge of infertility?

    Matt, I agree with much of what you say. However some points are debatable I think. Children are always a blessing but physical reasons are not the only things necessary to avoid conception. For example, a husband may not be able to emotionally support a child due to depression or a husband out of work.

    With this said, I would still like to know some thoughts on the questions listed if any have something to share.

  • Matt B

    JQ – You’re right, emotional health is a subset of the health concern. However, your invitation to discuss orgasms is a real turn-off, and smacks of voyeurism. In the “rush to gush,” all kinds of things are discussed which remain more properly the domain of a given couple, and should not concern anybody else. So many, in the name of openness and brotherly concern, trample on this garden, and in a sense despoil it. Can’t anything be private?

    The perfect example of this is Phil above, with his excursion into the “mature and heightened sensuality of 65 year olds.” Besides his geriontologist, can you think of anybody this would interest in the slightest degree? Really, keep it to yourself. It’s an indication of our really low level of discourse that this dribble makes it into print. All this traces back to the “Dr. Ruth” mentality, and results in abominations like Howard Stern. You’re welcome to it.

  • J.Q. Tomanek

    Matt, I do agree with you. I am not wishing a public discussion that trivializes something so sacred as marital intimacy. But “keeping to yourself” is exactly what intercourse is not. It is by nature a gift of yourself to a spouse. I have know and heard of many couples that cannot communicate what they desire in this area. Couples who have been married for decades and only having intercourse a very few times. A gerontologist may be able to help with these but I would recommend marital counselling which is not voyeurism. I think this topic is so similar to art. Whereas naked bodies can be used for the purpose of pornography, some of the most beautiful pieces of art are nudes.

    As you seem to be saying, prudence must be taken and proper care to safe guard such a wonderful gift.

  • Matt B

    JQ – I would normally tell you you’re completely wrong, but since you’re so civil in your discussion I will merely suggest that you’re totally wrong. Talking about sex never helped anyone with sexual issues. You do better to resolve family finances. The greatest romantic turn-on: family prayer. Worst source of marital discord: blogging and video games. Greatest planned parenthood ally: TV. Birth control is the sole purpose of television. The internet is merely interactive TV.

  • Joe

    Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen recommended that his
    family and friends ‘send their children to secular colleges and
    universities where they will be forced to defend their faith, rather than
    to Catholic ones, where their faith will be taken from them.’”

    Attending a “Catholic” college seems to be more of an excuse to believe one is above doing wrong rather than a place where anything Catholic is taught. It seems a common thread that while the profs and deans give lip service to Catholic values, they put little effort into it.

    Look at Pete Sampo and Mary Mumbach from Thomas More/Erasmus/Magedelen who encouraged and abetted students to underage drinking and flouting laws.

    Look at Leo Paul de Alvarez who knew of his grad students’ unethical and immoral conduct, but excused and shielded them because they were fun in discussions.

    Nothing to distinguish from a secular faculty…other than their ability to shame the Catholic faith through their refusal to defend it.

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