Who I’m Meant To Be

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It was just the other day, during a phone conversation with my 90 year old grandmother, when she asked, “Who are you?”

I paused for a moment and said, “Grandma, it’s me.  Becky.  Don’t you remember?”

She snorted in derision, “Do you think I’ve gone senile?  I know your name.  I was just wondering if you’d figured out who you were yet.”

“Well,” I answered.  “I’m Ben’s wife and the mom of 7 children.”

She muttered a bit under her breath.  “Maybe….but I think that that’s more who you are to other people, and how the world sees you.”

She paused for a moment

Then she continued, “I’m not speaking about your relationships with other people. I was a wife and mom, too.  Then my husband died and my kids grew up.  That part changed…..but all my life I’ve been a farmer.  I put my hands into the dirt, I tend the baby plants, I pull the weeds, and I pick the things I grow and peace sets into my heart.  I stand there in the sun and I know that I am exactly where God wanted me doing exactly what he made me to do.  It’s when my actions become almost a prayer and I am who I am.”

“I write.” I whispered to her.  “I write and my world makes sense. I would rather be writing, even on the days when the words won’t come than doing anything else in the whole world.  It’s where I find my peace.”

“So you’re a writer?” She asked me.

“No, not really.  Not yet.  No one is paying me for this.  I just do it because I love it.”

She laughed to herself.  “How did your mother raise a stupid child?”  Then she laughed some more. “You may not be a professional yet, and you may never be one. That doesn’t mean that you’re not a writer.”

“I know, Grandma, but the rest of the world…”

“The rest of the world can jump in a lake.  Why do you write?  It’s because God gave it to you to do.”

“And if no one else ever reads it?”

“Then you know you’re lucky.  You’re writing solely for the entertainment of the King of Kings.”

 

 

It’s a conversation I’ve thought about often in the last couple days.  Thinking over who I am and who exactly God has meant me to be.  Not a person in relation to anyone else, but just me by myself.  Who am I?

It’s a deceptively simple question.  It’s more than a title, or what we do to pay the bills.  It’s not what anyone else calls us.  It’s not even what we want to do.  It’s what we need to do.  It’s what makes our souls sing out in joy and contentment.  For my grandmother, it’s coaxing life out of the dark, fertile soil.  For my grandfather, who earned his living doing manual labor, it was being a carpenter and creating fantastic creations out of blocks of wood. For me, it is words poured out upon a page. For a friend of mine, it is seeing a baby she’s just delivered snuggled into its mother’s arms.   It is living in the place where God has placed us to be, and offering that work and the song of our souls right back to Him.

 

[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]http://www.ignitumtoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Rebecca-Frech.png[/author_image] [author_info]Rebecca Frech is a Cradle Catholic who came back to the Church in 2000, and thanks God for it every day. She lives just outside Dallas with the brilliant Computer Guy, their 7 not-quite-perfect children, and an ever-multiplying family of dust bunnies. When she’s not teaching math, neglecting housework, or reluctantly training for a marathon, she’s blogging at Shoved to Them.[/author_info] [/author]

Rebecca Frech

Rebecca Frech

Rebecca Frech is a Cradle Catholic who came back to the Church in 2000, and thanks God for it every day. She lives just outside Dallas with her husband, the brilliant Computer Guy, their 7 not-quite-perfect children, and an ever-multiplying family of dust bunnies. When she’s not teaching math, neglecting housework, or reluctantly training for a marathon, she’s blogging at Shoved to Them.

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11 thoughts on “Who I’m Meant To Be”

  1. Now you’ve ruined my goof-off-y day. This must be pondered. The Holy Spirit has made my heart race and head spin and I know it’s because I must stop and think. Thank you. And your grandmother!

  2. Very thought provoking piece, something we probably do not put a lot of thought into – who am I? – as the others mentioned, time to pause and give reflection to this.

  3. I absolutely LOVE this! When I was looking at colleges, I decided that my major was going to be nursing, because I wanted to help people, and I’d always be guaranteed a job. My mom was so skeptical about this, and noticed that I never said I wanted to do it because I’d be happy. She pushed me to change my major to English. Now, I’m an English major, and I’m doing it because I love to write. I want to write, and if that’s my job, I don’t think there’ll be any greater joy.

  4. My husband and I met and married in grad school. I felt like “me” to everyone there. When we moved “here” for his job, I suddenly became “R’s wife” or “Mrs. R” to all we knew through his job. Soon after the move, I had my daughter, and became “J’s mother” or again, “Mrs. R.” I wanted to be “Maureen” and be recognized for what I thought and did. It was hard, but I finally did when I started teaching. I do insist my students (college) use my first name. And yes, I do feel I am doing what God wanted me to do when I teach.

  5. Hmmm, this does give one pause. Maybe I’m being too simple, but sometimes I feel I’m called to be just a good wife and mother. I mean that has always been my heart’s desire. I do other things, but to me, that is who I am. In later years, I’m sure this will change, and truly, I’m ok with that and content with who I am now.

  6. I read you! I love to read the truth and there is not a whole lot of that out there these days… So thank you!!!

    My baby is 22 and I’m trying to figure out who I am too. I know that I am the daughter of the King of Kings – which makes me a princess. I also know that I can be a royal pain. ha.

    I think that we are all being called to speak the Truth RIGHT NOW – to anyone who will listen. Do not be ashamed! We are part of this family that will not be tucked away into a little dark corner where we worship in silence. Our light will not be hidden!

    Go get ’em girlfriend!

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