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Date the Fat Guys, Ladies

July 10, AD 2012 36 Comments

In what can only be described as “true love,” I agreed to marry my fiance without ever dancing with him.

Perhaps this seems impossible, improbable, or a smallish point in the grand scheme of our love. But I tell you, it is not. I come from a dancing family. My mom and dad fell in love in college through dancing (and homecoming committee), and continue to swing around the floor with passion and laughing, grooving to the music. We six kids have no formal dance training, but we have natural rhythm and a blatant disregard for awkwardness. We’ll have impromptu dance parties at home, in the car, and even public places, if the music is right. It is a pathway of love for us Robisons.

From “Letting Him Lead”

I mention B.’s and my lack of dancing during ten months of courtship because this was how I approached our relationship: taking him for who he is, accepting his limits (as he accepts mine), and letting God’s love for both of us lead. He said he wasn’t a dancer. I didn’t push him into a dancing situation until weeks after our engagement, a wedding, when I then found out he can dance. And all I can think now is, What a glorious gift from my God!

Too often, we gals imagine the most perfect looking man for us. We want our handsome knight, and we want him with a six-pack. But what of his character? Does he respect you? Is he interested in spending time with you? Could you grow together and be friends? Do you see potential in him as your life partner, through difficulties and diaper changings?

And so relationships start with small talk, trying to see if two people have enough in common to continue the conversation into an isolated date, and then maybe another one. Then the dates continue, but the important topics are skipped over until you get to know each other more (although, what else is worth knowing?), and thus the uncertainty lingers, and the months and years may pass with little to note except steadfastness and dedication to each other.

Ladies, it is not enough. You are not a hamster on a wheel! Dating is no fun if there is no end in sight! If you want true love and romance, you must actively seek it. This first comes with you being personally prepared.

I’d like to issue a 3-part challenge to all the single ladies out there (and men, for that matter!):

1. Close your eyes. Are you interested in this person because of their clothing size or their character? Because only one of those things is going to change in the long run, and it ain’t the latter.


2. Go on a dating fast. This does not mean cease dating; it means stop obsessing over dating, what he said, and what “it” means. Genuinely enjoy spending time getting to know the other person, and if you don’t see a future, end it. If you do, then pray about it — and don’t be afraid to discuss things that matter with that special someone.


3. Pray the Sacred Heart of Jesus novena, and ask God to use your single vocation to his greatest fruition, and to open up your heart to your life’s vocation.


Physical beauty may be fleeting, but personal beauty never is. The brilliant Roald Dahl wrote, “A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stuck-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

If your vocation is marriage, God will provide a pathway to your mate. You, however, must be open to the possibility of him-as-God-sees-him, not as you’ve-asked-God-to-make-him. Sure, he may be more rotund, and he makes you laugh. He’s shorter than you usually prefer, and he’s absolutely charming. You two complement each other as people, and that’s what it’s really about: the long haul with another soul, trying to get to Heaven, and enjoying the journey. Who knows? Maybe his long limbs will carry you well during a dance.


About the Author:

J.R. Baldwin is the Editor-in-chief at Ignitum Today. A former statehouse reporter, she teaches history for a classical school and writes for The Imaginative Conservative. She blogs at The Corner With A View, and tweets from @thejulieview. A Midwesterner by birth, she lives out East with her husband and bebes.