Diabetic Desolation

I have been learning about the process of spiritual discernment. I have gained most knowledge from Saint Ignatius of Loyola. With each decision we enter into, we encounter two opposing spirits: a good and an evil spirit. The good spirits can be anything from angels, saints, the Holy Spirit, Jesus Christ, etc. The evil spirit can be demons, our own lower nature, or even Satan himself. Saint Ignatius says that we can go through periods of spiritual consolation and spiritual desolation. Consolation comes from the good spirits and brings forth feelings of peace, joy, love, patience, courage and ultimately igniting a deep desire to develop a deeper communion with God. Moments of desolation, on the other hand, come from the evil spirits and cause a heaviness of heart, restlessness, discouragement, fear and essentially a temptation to give up and pull away from God.

All these concepts were extremely familiar to me; I just hadn’t been able to put a name to them until now. I have spent many times in spiritual desolation, because I did not always have the tools to call out the lies being told to me by the evil spirits. Saint Ignatius states that desolation can come when you are “on the right track” and getting closer to God’s will. When you have been in a state of consolation, the evil spirits want to dissuade you and place fear in you, causing you to question the revelations your spirit may have had when in a state of consolation. The evil spirits are good at finding your weak points and using them as entry points. I have several weak points; since moving to New York the Lord has blessed me and provided me with more of an ability to recognize those weak points. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I have been getting better at fighting off the fear and worry that the evil spirits attack with.

There is one key place that I am extremely vulnerable, and it is my battle controlling my chronic disease, type one diabetes. My struggle with blood sugar management can bring out the times of greatest desolation, but can also bring out times of greatest and most fulfilling consolation. Saint Ignatius makes the point that God never gives you periods of desolation, but He will allow them if He knows that it will essentially lead to your spiritual benefit. The times of desolation I have experienced through diabetes have probably been the best experiences I have encountered, ultimately building my faith and reliance on the Lord. I have had incidences when my blood sugars have dropped down to dangerous levels. When my blood sugars drop too low, I end up passing out and sometimes having convulsions that appear like I am having a seizure. The quickest way to fix these lows is to get me sugar, and fortunately whenever I have dropped into these dangerous low levels, my mom has found me and force fed me some Smarties or given me a glucose shot. Recovering from these low blood sugars is not easy, and it takes awhile. It takes time for the sugar to enter into your bloodstream and build up your strength. These times of recovery are probably the most terrifying periods of my life. Waking up after passing out is difficult and extremely painful. My body has just gone through a period of extreme stress, I have usually fallen on a hard floor, and once I actually bit through my tongue. On top of the physical pain, I also have mental strain. I normally have no idea where I am, what day it is, and have completely lost my short term memory. I know that I should be aware of certain things, but I have no ability to recover them. It is at these points when I am weakest and the evil spirits take advantage. I am cut off from the comfort of my Heavenly Father, or at least it feels that way. This is the biggest lie that I am fed by the evil spirits, and because my body and mind are so fatigued, I have no choice but to believe this lie. When I am in these periods, I can’t find the strength to remember what day it is, let alone remember how to pray to Christ for help. I release my control and desire to “fix” myself and surrender to Christ. No matter what damage the low blood sugar might have caused, my body always recovers and it is all due to the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. Emerging from those severe times on desolation I truly feel like I am coming back to life and in a sense I am. My body is restored, my memory is regained and my spirit is filled with joy praising Christ.

It is common to encounter people feeling sorry for me when they hear that I have diabetes, because of the hardships I have to live with. Yes, there are times when I get frustrated and fear for my health, but most of the time I feel blessed. The Lord has taken a true cross and brought me closer to Him through it. Those times of consolation after my diabetic lows are times that I would not trade for anything in the world. Christ has brought me back to life and made me an even better person because of it.

Originally posted at Kitty in the City.
Featured image: Pexels/PD-US.

3 thoughts on “Diabetic Desolation”

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    This is a very edifying article for those of us who are not familiar with all the ramifications of Type 1 diabetes. Most of us know about Type 2, which does not usually involve such dramatic episodes when blood sugar is low. I also appreciated your explanation of St. Ignatius of Loyola’s guide to spiritual consolation and spiritual desolation and how the two are so often interwoven. May God continue to watch out for you through your physical and spiritual highs and lows.

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    Interesting article. God is so good. I encourage you to get a CGM and a pump. I’m a type 1 and that has stopped my lows, granted I’ve never had a low as bad as you my lowest was 40. Lows will hurt your body in the long term and if you are interested in having childern they make that process extremely dangerous for the child. Just very scary hearing about your lows. Don’t give up the fight God is always with you and He have provided you with the tools to stop your lows for good. You are a temple of the Holy Spirit you must protect the temple spiritually and physically.

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    Hi there Cat. Gosh I wanted to find out for quite some time if anybody else also experience that when their blood glucose level drop very low, that the enemy or evil spirit talks to them and gosh I thought it was just the experience of your sugar going low and your brain switching off because of lack of Glucose in your blood, but besides that I’ve come to know that my ex and current husband that I seperated from have probably the Jezebel spirit ( Narcissism/ Anti social / Pcycopathic/ Michavalian or something like that ) and today I saw a picture ( of the Internet) that was taken of a woman, where the Jezebel spirit expose itself through her face- Actually you can see her eyes I’d like there’s a shimmer and on her neck there’s a face of a demon ( like a foggy kinda picture, with that same glowing eyes on it. Now today when my sugar went low ( Remember you are at your lowest of low ( I also have type1Diabetes) I felt like a slight burning or tingling sensation on my face followed by a lustfull feeling and I realized I have felt like that before!!! And I was thinking of that (demon) picture and realized Oh my Gosh!! There is definitely an evil spirit operating in me. I said ” get out!! Devil two times and my voice were different.!!! My son got so scared that he went to hide under the blanket!!! I said Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus and by then I had Coke with sugar in it: because that’s the best thing. (I think Smarties can be dangerous for someone in your position as there’s a choking hazard ) I banged with my fist on the kitchen surface and chased the demon out Then I was feeling so relieved and so light and happy. Later I thought that I don’t have Narcissistic behaviour so it must be a lust spirit; although I ONLY have one of the ten points that you must look for, to know you have a lust spirit, because I searched for “How do you know you have a lust spirit” I found a You tube movie- The same evangelist prayed after his discussion for the evil spirits to go and I agreed. But it’s definitely true that when your sugar go low the spirits will take their chance to manifest. You gotta take better control of your sugar levels by testing your blood sugar often and by eating things to keep your sugar level stable and always have Coke or some sweet with Glucose in handy!!!

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