Dark Knight of the Soul

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Due to circumstances beyond my control, I ended up having three days off from work. This never happens, so I decided that I should take advantage of it and get out of the city. It was a good opportunity for me to get some rest and possibly regain some of my sanity. This three-day break was truly an answer to prayer, for literally the day before I received my work schedule I asked the Lord to give me a chance to get rest. I retreated to White Plains, NY. Living in New York City it is hard to see true Fall color, and I had heard White Plains is a nice place to see them.

Being out here has reminded me what it is like to breathe. I must admit when I am in the city, it is easy to get comfortable with the uncomfortable, but stepping outside allows me to get a better perspective. I am remember why I feel so trapped inside the city, specifically with my work constraints. It is so wonderful being away from the “concrete jungle.” Unfortunately, the more comfortable I get with my new surroundings, the more aware I am that I will soon have to go back. I started to ask God why He brought me out here. Why would He dangle this sense of peace and beauty just to take me away from it again? The answer came in a rather alarming way.

Westchester County is much more laid back than New York City and as a result so is their bus system. I went there planning to rely on buses as main mode of transportation. When I arrived I came to the sad realization that the bus schedule was rarely correct. I ended up taking more Ubers and Lyfts than I originally budgeted for. By the end of today I was beginning to worry about my spending and I still needed to get back to my hotel. I had spent the day in a nearby town only a 15-minute drive from my hotel, which translated into about a two-hour walk according to Google Maps. In an effort to save some money and to enjoy more of the Fall scenery, I decided to walk. I walk so much in the city — two hours won’t be bad, right? What I forgot was that when it gets dark out here, it gets really dark. I am not in the city anymore and the city lights are gone. About an hour into the walk it became pitch back and all I had was the flashlight on my phone. I turned it on and began to pray. I don’t think I have ever felt so alone before and I probably went through the some of the scariest moments of my life.

I was reminded of the words a priest told me, when I expressed to him that sometimes I wish God would just appear to me and tell me exactly what I should do. That way I would have no question in my mind that I was carrying out His will. The priest smiled and kind of laughed at me. The priest confessed that God does not work that way. He continued by illustrating a picture that we all are walking along this journey and we cannot see anything further than two or three steps ahead, and we have to trust the Lord that He will guide us to our destination.

Does this sound familiar? Not only do I feel like I am walking blindly in my current life situation, but now I am actually walking blindly down a dark road in the wilderness only able to see two or three steps ahead of me. All I had was the Lord. As I realized the significance of this dark night of the soul, I found myself feeling strengthened in my confidence of the Lord’s plan for my life. Even though I was extremely terrified walking through that darkness, I had complete trust that God would bring me out of it. If I have such strong faith that He will bring me out of this darkness, I should have even greater trust that He will bring me out of the darkness I find myself living in my day-to-day life, especially with my work.

I did make it back to my hotel and tomorrow I will journey back to the city and back to reality, but as a stronger person. For I have a promise from God that as long as I trust Him, He will get me out of even the worst of situations. In the darkest of nights the Lord is truly a knight in shining armor.


Originally posted at Kitty in the City.

Kat Larson

Kat Larson

I am new to blogging but the Lord has been wanting me to write for awhile. Once I moved to New York City I decided to start a blog about my experiences in the big city. The Holy Spirit continues to inspire me to write. I hope anyone who reads my blogs finds inspiration too.

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3 thoughts on “Dark Knight of the Soul”

  1. Avatar

    Lady, you should have seen Westchester when we moved here in 1953: this place was REALLY boondocks.
    Central Ave (NY 100) had just a few stores between Tuckahoe Road in Yonkers and Tarrytown Road near the WhPl train station. Halfway between White Plains and Elmsford, my mom’s Uncle Ralph had a farm where the K-Mart now stands; I must have been about 3 when we had to take a local NY Central train from Tremont Ave to get there.
    When I was 5 in 1953 we moved to Yonkers, and I literally had to walk through mud and snow to get the half-mile to PS 29.
    Before the Sprain Parkway was built in the early ’60s, we were told about a nice little hideaway along a stream where kids could jump in to cool off and families to set up grills. The northbound Sprain now covers that site, right by a shed where highway maintenance vehicles are kept.
    Next time you REALLY want to see the country, take the Metro North Harlem Line all the way to the end of the line. Alternately, to see beauty, take the Hudson line to Beacon: there’s plenty of artsy stuff there. I suspect that’s where White-Plainers go when they want to visit the country.

  2. Avatar

    I love the play on words– God is the true knight/light that shines through the night. Beautiful thoughts, wonderfully expressed. May He continue to show you the path to follow.

  3. Avatar

    This reflection reminds me of my favorite prayer :” Thoughts in Solitude ” By Thomas Merton.
    I’m told that it’s also the most favorite prayer of college students. I hope that’s true.

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