I Can’t

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I have fallen into a very negative mood lately and it has separated me from God. It is amazing how quickly and how easily Satan can take hold of my mind when I give in to fear. I am seriously considering quitting my job. I reached my one year anniversary working with the company, and instead of regarding it as an accomplishment, it brought me into a severely depressed state. There have been great blessings that have come from the job, but there have also been several heartaches. The crippling thought of continuing on at this job caused me to start uttering the two simple words, “I can’t.” By simply speaking these words I allowed Satan to enter in. I lost sight of God, for I know that in the Lord there is nothing that I cannot do. By saying “I can’t”, I closed myself off from the Lord’s truth and started to believe the lies of Satan. “I can’t” spread negativity and the lies multiplied. In my conversations with my mother, I said things that I didn’t even believe myself but my fear ignited hatred inside of me causing me to speak lies. I trapped myself because I forgot my faith in the Lord’s plan for me.

I did not completely recognize how much I had fallen away from God until Satan actually entered into my place of work. He came in the form of an elderly woman, she is a regular at the store and every time she enters she brings negativity. She stopped by me and said to me, “you know this place is going to close, this place is terrible.” She has this ability to render me speechless. How was I supposed to respond to that statement? She continued, “This place is going to close and you will not have a job.” She paused, looked deep into my soul letting the fear take hold, and once it did she continued, “this place is going to close and you are going to come work for me.” She paused again waiting for me to answer and unfortunately I gave into the fear and agreed. She didn’t need to say anything else, Satan had won. I was so fearful that God would not provide, I was willing to go work for Satan.

I hit my lowest point but like a Phoenix emerging from the ashes the Lord took me back under His wing and I became stronger for it. Somehow He was able to turn my negative energy to positive. If it is God’s will I will continue to work at this job. I can no longer say the words “I can’t” for that is a lie. It is not that I can’t do the job, it is just that I don’t want to. The job is getting more difficult and it is affecting me mentally and physically, but God knows this and He will not ask me to do anything that compromises the integrity of His own design. God has blessed me with some truly motivating days at work lately, which has given me the ability to carry out tasks that I normally fear doing.

Yes, Satan won that battle but he has lost the war, because my loyalty still remains with God. No matter how much hatred, anger, and true fear I may allow into my soul, I will never turn away from God. He is growing my faith and devotion in Him and I will never stop doing His will. No matter what personal demons I maybe be battling, I will never stop proclaiming the Lord’s truth. The Holy Spirit has given me the ability to speak His word with authority and my voice is getting stronger.
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Originally posted at Kitty in the City.

Kat Larson

Kat Larson

I am new to blogging but the Lord has been wanting me to write for awhile. Once I moved to New York City I decided to start a blog about my experiences in the big city. The Holy Spirit continues to inspire me to write. I hope anyone who reads my blogs finds inspiration too.

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2 Responses

  1. Hang in there Kat! It’s tough getting through the dry spells, but His grace is sufficient for you. Praying for you up here in Toronto, Canada.

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