Too Anxious to Function

I’m a pretty anxious person – I have the prescription to prove it. I tend to look at the details of a situation and easily become overwhelmed. Compound the anxiety with my need for some “me time” to recharge and housework after a long day with my children can be positively paralyzing.

I faced one of these days recently. My kids woke up earlier than normal and we struggled all day with whining, tantrums, and general grumpiness, despite naps. On more than one occasion, I had to talk myself through dealing with my children so that I wouldn’t completely lose my cool and explode. The kids really needed baths but neither they nor I were up for the challenge, so, to save us all some drama and power struggles, I decided to forgo hygiene that evening. After dinner we had a less-than-smooth-but-not-the-worst-I’ve-ever-experienced bedtime and I was finally left to contemplate how I’d tackle the rest of the evening. I saw the immense amount of housework and business work to be done and became paralyzed.

The only alone time I had all day (over 13 hours) was the two minute walk from my mailbox back to my house earlier. Two minutes. Not normally enough to refresh or relax me. But on that sunny, not too humid day, I allowed myself to be refreshed. Instead of pondering what situations I’d have to inevitably deal with or thinking about all the tasks and chores to be completed, I just enjoyed the sky and fresh air, moving my legs, and being solitary. As much good as that short walk did me, it was still not what I was craving – all I really wanted to do was to catch up on a favorite TV show and crochet. My husband had graciously told me to not worry about the housework that night, as he knew my day had been rather rough. Technically, I was off the hook, but the sight of my messy house was overwhelming: messy playroom, messy living room, messy kitchen, dirty dishes, and food strewn about (my kids hoard food like squirrels – we don’t know why, we do feed them).

That was just the housework.

[Side note: normally I have the kids help me clean up before bedtime, but that day they just really needed sleep and I really needed them to go to bed.]

As a child, when I became overwhelmed, my mother would always tell me to break the project up into manageable pieces and, since I apparently do not naturally possess this ability, she would walk me through creating steps and milestones for the task at hand. “I will not leave you orphans” (John 14:18) – not just meaning God will always be with us as family or for company, but also meaning that He will provide all of the necessary tools to complete any task or overcome any situation set in front of us. “Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?” (Matt. 6:27).

First, I put away all of the toys in the playroom. Then I divided the task of the living room into even smaller tasks and conquered that. Then I raided my children’s food stores and swept the floor. Finally, I emptied the dishwasher (I did leave the task of loading it to my husband, though). When those tasks were done it was 9:30pm – just enough time to catch up on work emails and watch my show before my husband came home.

One of the goals of being on prescription anxiety medication is to give me the clarity of thought necessary to develop good coping and thinking skills so that I might deal effectively with situations that make me feel stressed or anxious. I conquered my anxiety that evening by trusting that I was not alone and by allowing those chores to be my “me time”, and I even ended up with a little extra time to enjoy a favorite show by myself. My peace was multiplied because I stayed faithful to my vocation and my Lord in the very small things of life and allowed myself to remain steadfast though I was anxious. “The Lord also restored the prosperity of Job, after he had prayed for his friends; the Lord even gave Job twice as much as he had before” (Job 42:10). When I trusted that the Lord would provide all I needed, He gave me more than I thought I would receive, both in peace in my tasks and in time so that I could enjoy some solitary moments. The Lord gives…blessed be the name of the Lord!