Thoughts On Being Alone

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empty church

I sit today in a silent church, the only one in the pew.

The only one in the building.

I think about the time I was a bridesmaid, writing paper buzzed because of a drink but sobered by my status:

Single.

The only single person in the bridal party.

Totally unattached, no prospects.

I shook it off, because so what? I can dance alone. I can eat alone. I can be alone, and be ok. I can even be alone and like it. Because, you know, freedom and me-time and I’ll do what I want, and stuff.

But being alone and being ok with it isn’t a constant.

There are the ups, like flying solo (literally – I like to travel alone), and the time and space and energy to get to know God or your friends or yourself. But while you get a little bit louder now, while the DJ plays “Shout” at a wedding, you don’t really think about the downs.

You don’t really think about the frustration of always hearing from the people in whom you have no interest and hardly hearing again from the people in whom you do. About being so distracted by the desire for a significant other that you waste your time, space and energy dwelling on what you don’t have instead of enjoying or learning from what you do have. While you dance, you don’t really think about the “maybe I am supposed to be single” thought that otherwise looms a lot, or the realization that “maybe I haven’t yet used this time wisely.”

It is in these downs that we don’t think about the truth.

The truth is that while I sit in this silent church, the only one in the pew, the only one in the building, I’m ok with it. And I like it.

I like it because it reveals that I’m not actually alone.

That I – totally unattached and no prospects – am not alone.

I am not alone, because Jesus. I am not alone, because the Church. I am not alone, because every guy I meet is my brother and every girl I meet is my sister.

Because I wasn’t put on earth to find a person to love. I was put on earth to love every person I meet.

Because I meet people every day, and every time I forget it, God finds a way to remind me.

Arleen Spenceley

Arleen Spenceley

Arleen Spenceley is author of the book Chastity Is For Lovers: Single, Happy, and (Still) a Virgin (Ave Maria Press, 2014). She has a master's degree in rehabilitation and mental health counseling from the University of South Florida and a bachelor's degree in journalism from the same university. She works as a staff writer for the Tampa Bay Times, and blogs at arleenspenceley.com.

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5 thoughts on “Thoughts On Being Alone”

  1. Avatar

    “I am not alone, because every guy I meet is my brother and every girl I meet is my sister.” Well said Arleen. That is a countercultural idea which is foreign to the society we live in.

    I am not alone, because every guy I meet is my brother and every girl I
    meet is my sister. – See more at:
    https://www.ignitumtoday.com/2014/05/03/24203/#sthash.8izy8VPR.dpuf

    I am not alone, because every guy I meet is my brother and every girl I
    meet is my sister. – See more at:
    https://www.ignitumtoday.com/2014/05/03/24203/#sthash.8izy8VPR.dpuf

  2. Avatar

    I think single people can overglorify marriage. I hear them say things like, ” I don’t want to die alone.” 99% of marrieds die alone ( unless they’re in a car accident together) with the survivor living single again for years sometimes for many years. It’s certain…if God wills it, He will bring it about if you pray and if you follow Him day by day. Then it will happen unless God needs your singleness very specifically for His plan which is salvation and Love. So ask for insight into the whole thing also.
    Matrimony requires a vow. Why do we vow at all in any area? Because they’ll be tough seasons. No one needs to vow in order to be faithful to purchasing at Dunkin Donuts…because there’s no downside to Dunkin Donuts…there’s no tough seasons…ergo…no vow needed. A vow is required in those things that will have tough sledding now and then. In a vow, you’re giving not just next month to another human being….but all your months…all your years. Now I’ve scared you…you’re off to Dunkin Donuts….get me a Boston creme…errr two.

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