Nic Davidson’s Black Friday Shopper’s Companion

Preface: This “Black Friday Shoppers Companion” was created to aid you in the many escapades, detours, pitfalls, and ecstasies that you’ll experience as you venture out on the day after Thanksgiving. It is meant to be read repeatedly on your phone as you shop, or printed off and crumpled in with the coupons, to be glanced over every time you un-crinkle them for discounts.

1. Remember that just a few hours ago, you were most likely calm, sedate, and thankful for something. You’ll soon forget that, if you’re not careful, so if you have any peaceful pics on your phone from yesterday, or even a pat of butter to smear on your face, you might want to use them as your “center” today.
2. People ARE good, they ARE made in the image and likeness of God, but today many of them will forget that. Don’t be one of them.
3. “There are Christians whose lives seem like Lent without Easter.” (PF, EG) Don’t be one of them, either.
4. If you reach for the same amazing deal as another person, just stinking let them have whatever it is. If they say, “No, you go ahead”, then you reply in the same way. If they insist, I’d recommend that you take the item, purchase it, go back into the store, follow them around (at a distance, of course), wait till they pay, trail them to their car, watch them get in, and just as their door is about to close, toss the item into their car and run for the hills. Time consuming, yes, and you won’t get any shopping done (not for you anyway), but it’d make for some great stories.
5. I have it on good authority that those towels are always $2 and will still be $2 tomorrow.
6. If you gotta go, please, for the love of turkey, go! Read THIS if you’re thinking of holding it in order to get one…more…deal.
7. Gluttony is a sin, the food court might be, too, but Cinnabon isn’t. If it were, it’d be spelled differently.
8. If they’re older, smaller, and weaker than you, they get to go first no matter where you are.
9. The same goes for if they’re younger, bigger, or stronger. (See what I did, there?)
10. Virtue lies in the middle. Be restrained in purchases for yourself; be bountiful in purchases for others. It’ll help you find the middle.
11. If your feet get sore, start a “massage line” at whatever store you’re in, insisting that the line begin with you.
12. Carry someone else’s shopping bags out to the car or to the next store for them. Ask permission, first.
13. I think Pope Francis chose his name because his initials would be PF, enabling him to regularly endorse his favorite food court proprietor, Mrs. Chang. So, scratch my comment on #6. Food courts are kosher.
14. Today, you may see much of the “desolation and anguish born of a complacent yet covetous heart, the feverish pursuit of frivolous pleasures, and a blunted conscience.” (PF, EG) Fight the complacency, the covetousness, the frivolity, and the blunted-ness. Use coffee, if necessary. Just fight.
15. Remember what Black Friday is and what it isn’t. It IS a great day to save some money, since most of us have very tight budgets. It is NOT a great day to find joy. In fact, you’ll find very little happiness floating around today. Pleasure, yes; joy, not so much. (“technological society has succeeded in multiplying occasions of pleasure, yet has found it very difficult to engender joy” – Paul VI)
16. Be lavish. Be generous. “You can give, you can give, you can give.” (Needtobreathe)
17. Tomorrow, insist on calling it Chartreuse Saturday. Bring back Mauve Monday, too.
18. It’s okay to have First World Problems, and even to be annoyed by them, as long as you can then laugh them off as such.
19. Be thankful today, too. Don’t just say “thank you”. BE a thankful person today. Live as though you’re overwhelmed with the greatness of life and just want others to know about it.
20. Take frequent snapshots throughout the day, both of others and yourself. Look at them right after you take them, as a reminder that you look as disheveled and weary as everyone else you were just mentally judging. Look at them later, as a deterrent against doing it again next year.
21. Post those pics in the comment section, if possible, or at the very least, email them to me (nic.davidson@gmail.com) and I’ll post them on my blog.
22. I hate even numbers.
23. Lastly, remember that life is a gift, deals are awesome, people are more awesome, Christ is most awesome, EVERYONE is amazing, you are willed, loved, and necessary, and you should mail me some Cinnabon.