Not Alone: Envy and Singlehood

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not alone seriesJust in case you haven’t seen it, there is a wonderful series going on in the blogosphere called the “Not Alone Series”. The writers are mostly single women who link-up every week to blog about the single life, the struggle and the joys it brings, and how we can grow as single women. Among the more recent topics was “envy and singlehood”, which left the blogger to interpret that prompt how each saw fit. What follows are my thoughts on envy and the single life. Be sure to follow the series on Twitter using the hashtag #NotAloneSeries, and visit Jen and Morgan‘s blog every week for the latest link up!

Envy and singlehood (Interpret that as you like…).

Well, gee, that is broad and open, isn’t it? So here’s how I’m approaching it: all of the things I’m envious of my non-single friends for…and a bit on how I deal with it (or perhaps how I should be dealing with it, because I’m not perfect!).

The Sweet, Doting Husband.

I honestly couldn’t rank the things I get envious of my non-single/married friends for because it changes based on the day, and most importantly, where my relationship with God is (or isn’t). That being said, the sweet, doting husband ranks pretty high up there. Perhaps it is because from where I sit I only see the good – the perfect picture they just posted on Instagram of the flowers he sent you just because, or the handwritten note he left on your bathroom mirror. Honestly, that is how I deal with my envy for the married gals in my life: I remind myself that I only see a part of their story. I don’t see the giant fight they had before that led to the picture-perfect Instagram-filtered flowers. I don’t see the couple struggling to conceive children, only the the sweet handwritten note he left, telling you how much he loves you. By reminding myself that I don’t see it all, I guard my heart, get over the envy, and prepare myself better for the future: marriage ain’t all hearts and roses and happy things, folks.

not alone envy and singlehoodThe House.

A fair amount of my friends have bought houses with their husbands (and filling them with kids, which I’ll get to). Again, all I see are the cute home improvement projects that get posted on their blogs, Facebook pages, or Instagram. What I don’t see is the roof that began to crumble over their heads as they slept, leading to the new roof and new bedspread. What I don’t see is their empty bank account that went towards the down payment on a house and how they stress over making ends meet so they can keep the recently repaired roof over their head. I also comfort myself by adding to my savings account, whether it be for a house someday, or home repairs, I remind myself to be ready and to save for my future.

The Kids.

My friends have some pretty darn cute kids. It has been said that I have a certain “aww” when I’m on social media looking at baby pictures (and I do, for the record). I see the cute picture of them smiling in the morning. I see the video of them taking their first steps. I don’t see the sleepless nights, I don’t smell the stinky diapers or baby spit-up. I don’t see the expenses that a baby incurs or the toll that takes on the family budget. So, while I’m “oohing” and “awwwing” over the sweet baby pictures filling up my feed, I remind myself that if the Good Lord wills it, I’ll get there someday, but for now, I enjoy sleeping through the night and knowing that if there’s a stink, it is probably coming from me and can be fixed by a nice, long, hot shower.

Moving Past Envy.

That’s it, my two-fold strategy for dealing with the envy I feel as a single person:

  1. Remind myself that I only see part of the story.
  2. Enjoy the time I have now and the benefits of being single…and save for the future.

What do you struggle with when it comes to envy and the single life?

Amanda Sloan

Amanda Sloan

Amanda Sloan is a woman after the Eucharistic Heart of Jesus. Amanda is a Colorado native, who graduated from Belmont Abbey College in North Carolina with a B.A. in Theology, as well as minors in Psychology and Philosophy. Amanda, a director of faith formation, is the author of Worthy: See Yourself as God Does, available now on Amazon, Kindle, and CreateSpace. Signed copies can be ordered through her website. She lives in Colorado with her husband, and her blog can be found at worthy of Agape.

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2 thoughts on “Not Alone: Envy and Singlehood”

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    Stumbled upon this article today & am so thankful God steered me..I was reluctant to read the article. I still struggle with envy of my friends and family by mostly seeing and hearing the good parts of their life & rarely the negative. There was a time when I was very jealous of one of my best friends who was (& still is) in a great relationship with a devoted Christian man until one day, she told me the real story about him & then I counted my blessings and prayed for both of them. You’re right to “guard our hearts, get over the envy, and prepare better for the future.” Sometimes if seeing it one way is too good to be true, the truth tends to comes to the surface unexpectedly. This article is a great reminder of God’s plan for singles in the midst of waiting and trusting that He knows what is best for us. Thanks again..I needed a boost. 🙂

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