From One Catholic Mom to Another

pe0081863.jpgAs a new mom, going to Mass can be a daunting task.  Questions race through your mind as you sit in church. What happens if he cries? Can I nurse him in the pew? What happens if he spits up?  I found it reassuring to find a seat close to the front, behind a seasoned mom of three, to get me through the ups and downs of attending Mass with an infant (now toddler).

For thirteen months, I’ve sat behind a mother of three children, all under the age of five. She and her husband attend Mass with their boys each week and encourage them to participate as best they can. They get there on time or early. The children are dressed impeccably. The parents are dressed appropriately, too. Furthermore, the older boys are well behaved, and the littlest one always sleeps through Mass in his car seat. I thought to myself – this is the way I would like my family to be.

Several weeks ago, I noticed that the family wasn’t in the pew in front of us.  I assumed that it must be an off week, or maybe they took a family vacation. A few more weeks passed and they still weren’t in the pew in front of us. It wasn’t until my little guy was having a particularly hard time during the Gospel that I discovered where they were.

The family was still attending Mass, but they were sitting in the vestibule of the church. I can’t express how much this bothered me. Their youngest child is slightly younger than my son, so he is just starting to move and make noise. Apparently, this means that until he is old enough to be quiet through the entire Mass, this family will remain in the back of the church.

This makes me sad because this family was setting such a good example to the rest of the church of what it means to be a Catholic family. Now they have to hide in the back? I wish I had had the gumption to ask the mom why she thought this was the best place for her family. Her older two boys, normally well behaved, were all over the place because they couldn’t see what was going on. The baby was chattering away because that’s what everyone else outside the church was doing.   It is difficult to imagine how the mom will be able to keep Mass a prayerful experience when her boys are relegated to the back of the church, far from the liturgy itself.

To the mom in the back of the church:

Please bring your children proudly into the church each week. You are a symbol of the Catholic family. You are sharing your three gifts with the rest of the congregation. As you may remember, the pastor wrote a letter in the bulletin encouraging young families to remain in the church. The parishioners benefit from your presence. We understand that sometimes your little one might make noise, but we also know that if that noise becomes too much, you will address it. Not to mention, the first time my son threw his pacifier across the aisle into another pew you provided an encouraging smile. Instead of hiding my head, you made it seem not so bad. The same way you encouraged me, I would like to encourage you.

There are many other moms in the church, some that look up to you. Each week you come to Mass, you are encouraging other mothers to bring their children and to be proud of the gifts God has given them. By your presence, you are showing mothers that children, when given the appropriate instruction, can learn to be active participants in Mass. Please don’t feel like you aren’t welcome in the church. You are part of our community and you are loved.

Elizabeth Teixeira

Elizabeth Teixeira

Elizabeth Teixeira is a 30 year old wife and part time stay at home mom. She is a cradle Catholic raising her son in New York. She holds a B.S. in Special Education and a M.S. in School Counseling. When she's not busy chasing her toddler around, she enjoys cooking and crafting.

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7 thoughts on “From One Catholic Mom to Another”

  1. 🙂 I’m a mom of 3. We sit in the second row every Sunday cause that’s where we sat when I grew up. And when my 2 year old starts getting to be…well…a 2 year old. I remind her that Jesus is sleeping (on the cross of course) and she quiets down. I hope that mom makes it back to the front. She has the future of the church sitting next to her every week.

  2. Pingback: From One Catholic Mom to Another - CATHOLIC FEAST - Every day is a Celebration

  3. As another mom with another perspective…I have sat in all kinds of places in the church with my kids depending on all kinds of factors that no one else would know. It really isn’t up to one mom to tell another mom where she should be sitting. You can no more know why someone is sitting where they are sitting and all the factors that went into it, than they can know why you sit where you sit. How about we all keep our eyes on our own paper and not worry about what others are doing. Just do what works best for your family.

    1. You completely missed the point of this post. The author is saying that a family shouldn’t feel obligated to hide their potentially noisy children in the back of the church. She is encouraging, not commanding, families to bring their children into Mass.

      1. And you missed the point of my post. How does she know why a mother is sitting in the back. She may assume it’s because she doesn’t want her kids to bother others but she doesn’t know that. I have stayed in back with my kids because of health issues but the casual observer might have assumed it was because my kids were too rambunctious. I actually think the mom in question would be a little freaked out to know someone was tracking her movements and where she was each week. It would freak me out. We shouldn’t be worried about someone else, just ourselves.

  4. A man once threatened to beat me up in the parking lot after Mass because my 2-year old distracted him. This is the sad reality of going to Mass with children – we’re forced to put up with stares and rude comments from the aging hippie “catholic” crowd.

    1. Wow. I have had people tell me after a meltdown (by the kids) that children are the future of the church..if it is to have one. I humbly agree and go on my way. I’ve never experienced direct hostility. I’m sorry brother. It is just awful to think that pro life doesn’t mean crying during mass.

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