The Feature of Florida, the Rockin’ Wave of the West Coast of the Atlantic, the Goodness of the Gulf, Arleen Spenceley asked for a guest post on pre-marital counseling. Here is part of my response with linkage to “the rest of the story.” Arleen also contributes over here too.
Why am I proponent of pre-marital counseling? Oh, wait. I thought the question was “Why am I a proponent of pre-martial counseling?”
I have two young kids in martial arts and I recommend parents get pre-martial counseling to deal with the stresses of high kicks to the face and low punches below the belt. However, since I am here already, let me give why I’m a proponent of pre-MARITALcounseling a whirl. First, a story.
I was born in the late seventies. I was never taught how to shave by my father. I remember seeing movies with a father and son having a great bonding experience through the use of a straight razor or a safety razor. Technology has since pretty much solved the problem of the danger of shaving and that rite of passage is no longer needed. It became all too simple: 1) Lather with shaving cream from a can; 2) Take out the Gillette SensorExcel; 3) Pull and rip the hair off your face.
Oh, the memories. Back then, that was “Gillette, the best a man can get.” No, really. Watch:
No father chat. No straight razor skill needed. No knowledge of honing, stropping, pre-post creams,
or post shower shaving. Now fast forward to the present day. I am 34 years old, married for 11 years,
three kids, a cat and a dog. I drive a truck, have guns, and now am teaching myself how to use a Merkur
Futur. That is a safety razor, for those still in the cave of the Mach whatever it is. I am watching videos
on YouTube, getting advice on Facebook, emailing friends and chatting with men about how to use a
single razor like an artist. This time next year, my goal is to be using a straight razor. It is hard to get more masculine than putting a surgical sharp knife on your face and shaving your whiskers. This process will require even more communication between hand and brain with the use of my fine motor skills.
What is the connection with pre-marital counseling? Well the qualities required of the art of shaving with a straight razor are similar to qualities required of committed relationships – relationships like those of engaged couples and married people. Relationships take practice, skills, technique, communication and knowledge of self and others to create success. For some, this can be accomplished on your own. Everybody knows the guy that can train, research, and sculpt his body without the help of a trainer. For the rest of us, a proper coach is needed.
If I had tried the safety razor technique without advice, I would look like I ran into Freddie Krueger after someone told him I had eaten his last Oreo.
Marriage is something loftier than a straight shave or sport. It is the mutual self-gift of each other to
another person with each other’s happiness on the line. No pressure, you are only married “until death
do you part” and you will likely teach your children every bad habit you have.
But what should a couple or a person talk about with a counselor regarding marriage? Why is counsel
needed? Here is a list of 8 reasons a trusted counselor is good for the pre-marital relationship. I
have made it easy to remember with this clever acronym: FLATULNT.
3 thoughts on “Pre-Marital Counseling”
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The hardest habit I had to break when I started using a safety razor was applying pressure. I guess that is the hardest habit I had to break when I got married too!
Kenny, What a great connection! I agree on both. Too much pressure has bad consequences. In marriage, the goal is help your mate flourish into the best design of herself, as God desires her to be. I am often trying to design my wife to be according to the image I desire. This often leaves both of us unfulfilled.
Thanks for this thought and adding to the conversation.