Dear College Students

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“Honestly, I don’t think Jesus was against beer or alcohol. But I definitely think he would have a problem with Natty.” -My beau

For those teens anxiously beginning your college freshman year, “Natty” is short for “Natural Light.” This is also referred to as “World’s Grossest Beer,” “Why, why, why are you drinking that,” and “Ew, I would rather save up money for a single, decent beer than drink this urine water.”

This information shouldn’t be helpful to you because you are, after all, eighteen years old, but it does help to know the vocabulary before your blogger drops some knowledge right in your face.

Not an endorsement. Ew, I just gagged.


…Doesn’t have to revolve around someone else’s expectations. You get to make the call about what kind of college life you want to lead and which choices you want to make.

A while ago my beau and I went out for a night on the town and had a great time meeting friendly people. We’re more the sit-around-a-fire-pit-and-chat type, but we enjoyed meeting new people and hanging out with our friends.

Our 21+ selves chose to imbibe moderately, but the only beer (yumm) available was a selection of low quality, light beers (ew).

We don’t drink much anyway, so the cheaper selection didn’t influence anything but our sour faces after the first sip.

Someone once told me that Bud Light was the leftover, reject beer produced after Budweiser cans the top crop. Fellow readers, this is why Jesus would “have a problem with Natty.”

These low quality, “low calorie” beers that we see exclusively at college and young adult parties are made available only for their alcohol content (albeit low) and cheaper price. No one enjoys their taste. Their light flavor allows the drinker to fit a few extra cans into their belly, unlike a high-quality, deliciously caloric beer.

The lower alcohol content balances out the light calories because one who drinks to get drunk has to pound down more to feel the buzz and beyond. Youngins tend to pour this into their system as a means to an end, with drunkenness or buzz in sight.

What would Jesus do? First of all, He would obey His parents and wait until Caesar’s law and his drinking age matched up. Secondly, he would make water into good wine and leave the case of cheap beer in the corner.

Almost as awkward as a flock of Segways.

To the eighteen-year-old soon-to-be freshmen out there: don’t fool yourself into believing that the only “college” experience is at a party. More than likely, there will only be Natty (which you really aren’t old enough to drink anyway, but why would you want to) and a bunch of people standing around awkwardly (or belligerently), grasping for someone to stand with.

To the older college students: hopefully you’ve discovered how boring most of those parties can be. I’ll go so far to say that they’re boring unless you drink to get drunk, even then, you’re just too drunk to notice that you’re talking with a complete stranger about an “Animal House” poster on the wall. (Let it be known, I will watch “Animal House” any day of the week.)

To my younger self: I know you used to pretend you enjoyed those parties and you drank with the intention of getting drunk. Later you’ll learn that college isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation. You aren’t missing out on anything by listening to your true self and going to a movie with your friends instead of “going out.” There are far more fulfilling ways to spend your college career.

Plus, I want you to learn the fine taste of a good beer without having to drink the flavored eau de toilette that is Natty once you hit your twenty-first birthday.

Elizabeth Hillgrove

Elizabeth Hillgrove

Elizabeth Hillgrove is a young cradle Catholic who grew up in a tight-knit, if not absurdly close family in the tiny Catholic world of Virginia. After a few divots and detours into apathy, embarrassment, and a vested political interest, Jesus Christ jump-started her faith life. Elizabeth has researched her way into a passion for bringing the simple, fulfilling Truth to youth and young adults, especially females. A recovering tomboy, Elizabeth will challenge you on the field, in the pool, on a trek up a mountain, or in the art studio. Game on. She is one of the three Bright Maidens and her website is Startling the Day.

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4 thoughts on “Dear College Students”

  1. Avatar

    I’m at a very party-heavy school but I don’t like parties (seriously, the idea of being drunk out of my mind is not attractive to me at all) and so, instead, I go exploring on weekends. This has made me the resident expert on What To Do Outside Of Campus And How To Get There. Guaranteed friends when the studio professor decides we’re all going out to dinner and the studio gets to decide where it is.

  2. Avatar

    Elizabeth, you would be suprised, then again maybe not, how many older people – not me, my taste is for the Amber Dark, who buy this ‘beer’. Price wise there is not that much difference, maybe couple dollars a case – spend it on the good stuff – between the light and regualr brews, know this from years in retail grocery.

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