Conversion envy, do you have it? Converts are after all so fiery and in love with God, and have such interesting stories. They possess that infectious passion that just supercharges their evangelical spirit and deepens their impact. What’s not to be jealous of?
Oh, I know . . . the beads. But I digress.
A couple weeks ago I was sitting in my in-laws’ family room, and with us was a young Catholic convert whom my brother-in-law had invited over. We were having a very lively conversation about the nature of Man’s love for God.
At some point in the conversation, we somehow moved from philia vs. agape to the differing degrees of passion for the Faith between converts and cradlers (cradle Catholics). This was when my brother-in-law’s friend (as a convert) said something to the effect of “Well frankly, usually the best people to have these conversations with are converts to Catholicism, preferably within the last five years. They’ve still got lots of energy…you know, before the fire burns out. Too bad there aren’t more around here.”
Boo. Hoo.
Look here, I got it. Converts have energy, and verve. They’re excited! Take Mark Shea, Jennifer Fulweiler, Brandon Vogt, Stacy Trasancos, G.K. Chesterton, or the 13 Apostles (12+ Paul), take whomever. I got it. Evangelical spirit and all, they’re on fire, they’re evangelical, and they’ve got great stories. I know, I know, even Pope Benedict thinks his fellow cradlers are boring, and had to apologize for us.
But don’t count us cradlers out. The cradler’s fire for Christ may not appear quite so bright, or seem so intense at first, it can still be just as strong and sometimes even more enduring. Just because we’re Catholics from cradle to grave,
The observation the above mentioned convert made many would say was fair, but it sure insulted me. With a matter of fact attitude he was dismissing the tireless contributions of many cradle Catholics who work hard to evangelize and spread the Faith to friends, family and complete strangers. There are many ways to evangelize and spread the faith, not all of them involve writing on a blog, praying in front of an abortion clinic, or bowling at the bowling alley with your local Catholic young adult group.
I’m going to use my wife as an example. She has been a Catholic her entire life. She was homeschooled from 1st through 12th grade using Seton Home Study (the Ferrari of Catholic homeschooling), and she attended Christendom College. You can’t have been longer in the cradle!
In spite of this “boring” life without a drastic conversion from atheism or evangelical bible thumping, she does quite a bit of evangelizing on a weekly basis.
Last year (and this year) she ran the local RCIA program for the chapel on base, hosted monthly bible studies in our home, taught adult Catholic education, assisted with mentoring the local Catholic young adult group, gave modesty/chastity talks to high school aged CCD students and did all this while teaching 40 piano students during the week, taking graduate courses toward a Master’s in History, and raising our son by herself without daycare for 7 months while I was off gallivanting around Afghanistan. This is not to mention that for an entire year before the 7 months I was off in Afghanistan, she did all the above AND sang for the extraordinary form of the Mass as a one person choir. (Non-sequitor: The Mass was celebrated by the now retired Fr. Aidan, a rather interesting character. He’s a Trappist monk who happened to also be a chaplain in the US Navy. Somehow he escaped the cloister. Last I heard they let their St. Bernard loose to go searching for him.)
While it is true that many converts have a loud voice when it comes to proclaiming the Truth and often a unique perspective, that doesn’t mean they take the lion’s share in evangelical output. There are many cradle Catholics who are steady and enduring lights in this dark world, though sometimes their energy and verve is not immediately apparent. To use an analogy, evangelical cradlers are much like wildlife, you’ve got to use a time-lapse camera to see how alive they are, but they are alive. They know the Faith and spread it in whatever way they can within their current situation in life.
23 thoughts on “Conversion Envy”
Joseph,
This is a great post that addresses something I wholeheartedly believe. I fell away from the faith and after coming back had a “fire” like you speak about in your article. I can’t help but feel that although it may seem like this “fire” is indicative of something great about the person, it is nothing but a grace. My brother has been a faithful Catholic his whole life and I could describe his outreach in the Church similar to that of your wife. Although his own journey has been less flashy his patient persistence is a model to me. The fact is I lived a life of sin for quite some time while my brother did not, and although in this world his obedience may not create an extraordinary story I can’t help but think God is more pleased with him and his obedience. In many ways his story is just as great if not greater a testimony of God’s grace. Cradle Catholics who continually strive in the faith are the third option Pope Benedict reflected on yesterday, those who said yes and continue to say yes. My brother in many ways is more inspiring to me than any convert could be.
I used to be envious of converts too. Their stories were so amazing, their lives really changed! They were on fire and their life was a testimony for everyone. I never thought that I would one day be a convert myself. And now that I am a convert, I wish I could have been a Catholic my whole life. There is so much I still have to learn: theology, rituals, terms … Just simple things that craddle Catholics know and do.
Converts might be on fire, but craddle Catholics are too. You can compare it to a campfire. A fire that’s been going for a while is calming, the wood is white-hot and it gives a lot of warmth. A fire that’s just been started looks pretty spectacular because of all the little twigs burning, the fire is unpredictable, gives a lot of light, but can be extinguished very easily. The wood isn’t hot yet, it needs time and the fire has to be carefully tended to. It’s not enough to just throw in an extra log every now and then. It needs food and care. Though older fires might not look as spectacular, they’re actually what we should all be aiming for. You can’t get white-hot with faith without enduring in it for a while. To be firm in the faith, your roots should get time to grow and go deeper. And that’s why I envy craddle Catholics, because of their wonderfully deep roots!
Hi, I am a Catholic from India. I work in Middle Eastern country and read a lot about Americans going astray in faith and embracing other religion. Reading here gives me lot of happiness. I pray for all of new converts and guidence of the holy spirit.
We are all converts and we must be daily! Though-and as an addendum to this lovely piece, I wrote about the role of converts to Catholicism here.
Haha! 🙂 As “the wife” in question, though, it’s hard to ignore the Gospel from this past Sunday. As long as the cradle Catholic doesn’t “say he will, then fail to do his Father’s will,” everything is ok. But part of the problem with many cradle Catholics is that they’re comfortable being exactly what they are, and they don’t go out and learn, grow, develop, expand, deepen, etc etc etc…there are boring cradlers out there, and I think my brother’s friend had maybe encountered one too many of them.
Thanks for the campfire comparison, Ciska. In some ways, I imagine being a cradle Catholic is a little like being an “old married couple.” While newlyweds can and do have valuable and unique insight they bring to marriage, nothing compares to the long, slow journey of a lifetime with your spouse–a kind of campfire love, a steady warmth of experience. 🙂
Good points, all. I must say, however, that I’ve never felt envious of converts (well, at least RCIA converts: reading the rite for reception of converts in the old Rituale Romanum makes me maybe a little envious of people who got to do that). The reason I’ve never regretted having been raised Catholic is because I wouldn’t trade the experience of having been inculcated in the faith and Catholic culture from a young age for anything. Sure, converts may have “fun stories” and “evangelical zeal.” But it’s cradle Catholics that keep the stories of the saints alive by telling them to (and hearing them as) small children. It’s cradle Catholics who preserve the traditions surrounding feast days, festivals, and fasts. Cradle Catholics keep the recipes, the sacramentals, the pious legends and traditions, and the ways of thinking about the world that give Catholicism, if not its spiritual fruit, then very much so its human romance and character.
The same way that one needs a mother, grandmother, or sister who has grown up in a family to teach one’s new wife the secret pasta sauce recipe, one needs cradle Catholics to preserve and pass on the habits and experience of the Faith. But it’s best to have grown up with such a thing from the cradle, and I’ve never wished that I had not.
I am in the process of converting and wish I had been a cradle catholic. I would love to have grown up with the liturgical calendar, constantly celebrating the life of Jesus, Mary and saints, and with the sacraments celebrating key points in my life. I feel at a distinct disadvantage in being able to instruct any future children in the faith.
Also, it was a cradle catholic who helped bring me into the church! 🙂 She is a revert, but has the white-hot fire of faith of the cradler (to use Ciska’s great analogy).
Thank you!!! I am a convert in a family of converts who always thought she’d marry a convert. Well, I married a cradler. 🙂 And yes, he approaches the faith a little differently. But… God has opened my eyes to all the beautiful benefits of being a cradle Catholic and the witness they offer. Also, as a convert I’ve always wondered how my love for being a convert would jive with trying to raise cradle Catholics of my own (after all, no convert wants their kids to be converts!! But how does one create for their children the experience they never had as a child? And how do I value their cradle Catholic-ness when I didn’t quite get it myself?). Now I have my wonderful cradle Catholic husband to help balance out our family and lead us through the long-haul of being life-long Catholics.
Is it weird that one of the only phrases that stuck out to me was “Seton…Ferrari of Catholic Homeschooling”? I was in Mother of Divine Grace. It is a great rivalry. 😉
I only have one criticism of your remarkable wife (God bless her) based on what you’ve shared: She never seems to leave the comfortable circle of the Already-Catholic world and its established institutions. It’s as you said: “They know the Faith and spread it in whatever way they can within their current situation in life.” The “current situation” and staying within it, rather than pushing beyond it, contains and does not spread Catholicism. Obviously, a big part of the so-called New Evangelism is Re-evangelizing Catholics. Your wife is doing great work in that arena. But what about the rest of the world? Are cradlers really capable of confidently pushing beyond the Catholic ghetto? We shall see. God willing, they will lead the converts.
Magistra Bona,
First of all, my wife’s existence in the “comfortable circle of the Already-Catholic world” was pre-determined for her by her parents from conception to graduation from college. It wasn’t her choice to go to Christendom, nor was it her choice to homeschool. Second of all, I don’t think you can be more in the world than being around Marines at a Marine Base. RCIA at a Marine Chapel is very much an evangelical effort. Have you ever tried to evangelize a 20 year old combat vet, teaching them about what it means to not only love God, and neighbor but the enemy as well? Not to mention convincing them on the immorality of contraception, pornography and fornication. That’s who she deals with in her RCIA class, young men who are ‘converting’ because they want to get married to a high school sweetheart that happens to come from a Catholic family. These kids are willing and eager to learn, but they are rarely coming in as a result of a personal search for Christ. Part of her job is to help them deepen their reason for conversion, by showing them Christ.
Besides that, we have one son, and she is carrying our second. She’s a stay-at-home Mom, and neither of us think it would be appropriate for her to go door to door.
I know a lot of people who were born and raised in what you call the Catholic ghetto. I think that’s an inappropriate way of looking at the little centers of Catholicism that pock-mark the US. Those will be the future bastions of Catholicism from which will spring 30, 40, 50 years down the road the very kind of evangelical efforts you’re talking about. You can’t make a culture, or reinvigorate a culture all by yourself. Remember that the monks that saved Western Civilization came out of monasteries, communities, that had been around/growing for some time.
I appreciate your comment, but we all need to look at the current issues with a broader perspective that takes into account not jutst decades, but scores of years.
You know, I always — always — look at young adults like you who have been Catholic all your lives, with all your knowledge and understanding and love and humility, and I thank God my young children are cradle Catholics.
I am in a unique position myself, where I am a cradle Catholic, but because I was raised by non-Catholics (my mother was a convert, she died when I was 7, and it was her dying wish I be raised in the Church. Her non-Catholic parents did so.), so I went to ccd, Mass, and received the Sacraments, yet I got no instruction at home. There were so very many gaps in my formation (still are I’m sure!).
Yet when I see my daughter, I too am so grateful for the opportunity to raise her in a home that is steeped in the faith.
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing more about you wife’s remarkable apostolate. (Relax. you don’t have to sell me on it’s value.) I do not believe however, as you do, that we must wait 30 or more years for evanglization to show fruit. If the feast of Pentecost shows us anything: now is the time…always. Nor do I believe that it will only be fruitful families who do this. (I mean, would you rather all the converts take the hindmost or just leave?) All are called to share their faith One of the things that cradlers must contend with, either way, is the fact that 70-percent of cradlers, or people who are Catholic, don’t go to Mass. That implies that the re-evangelization effort IS important. Re-verts wanted! Cradlers AND converts need to get accurate data on what’s going on out there. The Vatican published its data, and says that Catholics, world-wide, are increasing–and not only in historically Catholic countries. The U.S. is declining hwoever. The ghetto approach (our tribe, our circle) has been done before; and it failed. Cradle Catholicism needs to get off base and go AWOL. The Church, all of it, has something to offer everyone everywhere always.
MB,
Great point. Only thing I take issue with is this idea of the “ghetto approach” having been tried and failed. I’m a simple guy and I like hard, real life examples. If you’ve got some, thanks.
Also, you’re right now is always the time, but not all of us are Scott Hahns, or Blessed John Henry Newmans. While these people and the Apostles do/did great things you can’t forget about the tireless contributions of orders like the Jesuits who about 15 centuries later took to evangelism with an almost unparalleled vigor. In fact, St. Francis Xavier has been called the greatest evangelist after St. Paul. The Jesuits probably would not have existed without Europe possessing the Catholic culture and society built up over time.
People are always converting, evangelizing, apostasizing, etc. Some ages and groups of people like the Apostles, Cluny monks, and Jesuits have done more than others.
It sounds like you think I’m setting up a dichotomy of opposition between Cradlers and Converts, when there really is no opposition or real competition between the two. Also,
“Well frankly, usually the best people to have these conversations with are converts to Catholicism, preferably within the last five years. They’ve still got lots of energy…you know, before the fire burns out. Too bad there aren’t more around here.” Were I a cradler, I would have been bothered by that statement, it has an insulting edge to it….the same edge I feel if someone brand new to marriage or parenting says something to indicate they think they know much more than me about marriage or parenting. People are like that…new zeal lends us to such foolishness (and I have some memories of me being the foolish newbie in various arenas)
You wouldn’t have envied my conversion if you could have felt the sadness in me when I saw the 1st Communion photo of a cradler adult I know…there was her dad behind her with a huge proud smile. I will never know that moment…my parents had no faith to pass down to me, there was only a void.
You wouldn’t envy my conversion if you were at the Mass where I entered the Catechuminate…the guy in charge of reserving the pews didnt know my husband was a deployed Marine and I had noone coming. Deployment loneliness is hard enough without an entire row of empty chairs starting at you with your name emblazoned across then so that everyone knows that you have noone.
You wouldn’t envy my conversion if you knew that I learned so slowly that the first 10 years of being Catholic, I really rather stunk at it…and that is not false humility, I stunk.
So with the humility gained from having been a foolish newbie, an emotionally abandoned daughter, a lonely USMC wife and a slow learner, I cherish my hard fought and long awaited zeal…may I live it in a way that does not sound insulting.
For starters, permit me to rain on the parade here and object to the term “cradler.” A “cradler” would be “one who cradles.” For the love of all the saints, this discussion occurs via computer: the extra effort of typing eight additional letters is not substantial. If we are to have any chance of having and preserving a culture, we really must start with using language sensibly.
Back to the topic at hand: the Good Teacher’s conclusions do not flow from his premises. The history of the Church is the history of those who have already received the Word passing it on to others. Some to whom the Faith is passed are physical descendents of their instructors; others are not. Since teaching the Gospel to all nations is indisputably a divine imperative, and since all people have quite obviously not received (or not retained) the Faith, it remains necessary to win and instruct converts. No one should question the manner in which God’s Providence has brought him the grace of the Sacraments and communion with the Church.
Even if we accept—and I would forcefully insist it does not warrant acceptance—Magistra Bona’s apparent premise that our cultural, evangelical, and social history as Catholics is one of failure, it does not flow therefrom we are all impelled to “get out there and do something.” We are each impelled to live our own vocations, to obtain holiness in the station in life to which Providence has brought us. Surely we would never say that St. Theresa of Lisieux frittered away her life? Surely we would never contradict Leo XIII’s observation that “For God, indeed, is especially wonderful in his Saints — ‘mirabilis in Sanctis suis;’ but the impress of His Divine virtue also appears in those who shine with excellent power of mind and spirit, since high intellect and greatness of spirit can be the property of men only through their parent and creator, God.” (Quarto abeunte saeculo 1.) The author’s wife has a duty, imposed by the Divine Law, to care for her child, to raise up any other children that the Lord may give her, and to love, honor, and obey her husband: neither she nor others in positions such as hers are free actively to devote themselves to going hither and yon reinvigorating Christendom across the globe.
Magistra Bona appears to fall into that infuriating and uniquely post-modern error of believing that nothing that any person does is worthwhile unless it helps effect some visible social change. The Church has never believed this. Certainly the work of the Church requires doing, but it will not do to explain away the presence of sin in the world simply by the blithe generalization that some convenient group is a failure according to a non-existent set of standards.
Finally, the sneering dismissal of the “Catholic ghetto” is the worst kind of strawman. The terrible specter of the “Catholic ghetto” has been a fictitious whipping boy for decades now, the imagined creation of vandals who destroy institutions and traditions, spread doubt and dissent, and undermine the authority of the Magisterium, all in the name of saving us all from that terrible, introverted life endured by our ancestors. It was nonsense in the 1970s and it remains nonsense now. This sort of pablum, driven by animosity for one’s forebears, is inimical to the life and mind of the Church. Let us all be thankful for those, whether raised in the faith of having come to it late, that preserved not only the Faith but its customs and traditions for us. None of us received a revelation on the road to Damascus, we were taught by those who had been taught before us. We should cherish what we have been taught in the hopes that we may pass it on ourselves, whether to children or to converts. It does not belong to us to condemn it, any more than it does to discard or refuse it, for this inheritance is not our possession, just as it was not the possession of our parents. Yet if we ourselves condemn our ancestors, on what basis will we insist that our descendents accept what we ourselves teach them?
Joseph: You’re the one who has made a distinction, a valid one, between cradle-folk [Is that better, Titus?] and converts in your post. I am glad you can see that while the two sets of Catholics are different in some respect(s), they are the same in the free and willing acceptance of discipleship. And, they are the same in their accountability to Our Blessed Lord who commanded that we go and teach all nations. That said, you and I cannot be Blessed Newmans or Scott Hahn’s. If that were God’s plan we would have been born Blessed Newmans or Scott Hahns. But, no. God made you Joseph–the one and only unrepeatable unique Joseph. From there you will exercise your apostolate and serve the interests of the Gospel. With God’s help so will I from where I am. Now as to critique-ing the ‘ghetto mentality’, it can hardly be called undermining the Magisterium when the Pope himself has scolded cradle-folk. What undermines the Magisterium is not listening to and taking to heart what the Pope says. The “ghetto mentality” or “outsider mentality” was a real and useful coping mechanism for American Catholics, who in the 1800’s were persecuted and discriminated against. Subsequent waves of immigration from Europe brought about the phenomenon of national parishes, for example a Polish parish or an Irish one. That too helped the newcomers survive. But the descendants of those immigrants have long since gotten off the boat and assimilated into the larger culture of the US. There’s both an upside and a downside to that. It’s one thing to assimilate by toning down one’s ethnic identity and another thing to tone down one’s Catholic identity–which is superior to any ethnic identity. In baptism, Christ and His Kingdom become our country. What I propose as an antidote to the “ghetto mentality” is not pulling away from the larger culture, but staying well within it and being a burr under the saddle of its worst ideals, assumptions, and laws. The whole point of the Pope’s criticism of the cradle-folk of his generation is that they did not share their love of Christ more. Other things got in the way. I can think of nothing that would upstage a red-hot Protestant evangelist more than an on-fire Catholic. It should be tried. Got a match?
Joseph,
Having been around cradle Catholics for the last 30 years I don’t think it’s fair to lump them into one group and criticize them. I know many cradle Catholics through my RICA class and family that are very active in the church. I think it should be 3 groups: passive, active and holiday Catholics. And I would add, this is probably true of all religions. Even if you only go to church once a week, you are still active in it by helping the community lift the prayers and petitions of the community. Maybe the most important way of evangelizing your faith is by example. This is were we touch the most people every day, from friends to coworkers. That is how we are ultimately judged by others and by God. I think that’s what some long time Catholics forget.
If the only people I surrounded myself with was converts, then who would I continue to learn from. And if we bring energy and vigor to those around us, good. It might remind some, of that day a loooong time ago 🙂 how you felt at your first communion. We need each other, we all make up a part of Christs Church.
As a cradle Catholic myself (went through Catholic school for fifteen years until I entered university–the cesspit of morality) the only defense for the lack of vigour of cradle-Catholics is that we are used to being recoiled from. Years and years of “hey, check this out!” enthusiasm followed by rejection as soon as God comes into the picture has made me jaded and cautious. I frequently justify my passion with “It’s… just sort of what I do…” and am greeted with, “Yeah, I respect that.” Respect, yes, but clearly aren’t inspired. Today’s young people are all just too hipster to show emotion, it seems. It’s not “cool” to love Truth and Goodness with a fiery passion.
Hopefully this is making sense. I’m thinking more in images than anything else right now.
See, this is why I posited “cradlites” as the preferred term. 😉
Everyone has good points here. Newly Converted said nearly the same thing I did to Joseph the other day–just being Catholic, is so many ways, is the greatest witness you can give. Get married, stay married, have children, go to Mass, act decently, care for your community. Be single, stay happy, obey God’s laws, go to Mass, act decently…you get the picture. Just like “being a good American” doesn’t have to mean jumping on a bus to the nearest Boot Camp, you can be a good Catholic by sticking to the pew and not apologizing for it when your friends and neighbors ask where you are every Sunday.
The false dichotomy that has been constructed (not I think by anyone here, but rather by what everyone thinks everyone else is saying) is the problem–not what one group or another is, does, or has. We’re all Catholics, we’re all called to evangelize, and each will do so in a different way. So there.
(The guy was a little insulting, though, wasn’t he, Old Gal? Sigh. I think he meant well. Telling more of the story, though, the young man enjoys engaging in Theological debates, but has virtually no philosophical background or training with which to back up his arguments. When one of us old boring cradle Catholics with a lifetime of education backs him into a corner on something, his response is always “Bah! Enough with the nit picking philosophical details!” Haha!)
Nothing like the prodigal son returning and kicking his older brother out to the curb….
I’m cradle Catholic. When I was young that didn’t seem some “big deal” to me, but as the years pass, I find myself more and more grateful for all I was given. Many converts, especially converts from atheism, survived so many bad decisions, pain, confusion and loneliness, and surely that is not reason to envy them. On the other hand, the converts can be so exciting, so full of fresh ideas and perspectives, so grateful, so aware what was given to them … and that can be such a source of inspiration for all faithful. And somehow, it’s more convincing, impressive and glamorous to have one st.Augustine in your community than a dozen of st. Therese of Lisieux :-(((.
And that is why so many cradle Catholics have the older brother syndrome – they are frustrated because all their faithfulness seems plain, unnoticed and unrewarded while “the worst sinners” are celebrated for their return Home. And somehow we cease to remember we are brothers, the children of the same Father.
From cradle Catholic’s point of view the converts can be very irritating sometimes. Many of them think that Christianity started with them, and have no idea how much they have to learn. Some are very persistent in considering their own experience as a rule (“If you pray hard enough you don’t need a doctor”, “If spiritual dry-spell lasts more than 3 days, it’s your fault”). Some of them despise some ancient traditions (“rosary is for old ladies”, “pilgrimages are nonsense”). And almost all of them are very, very confused after “honeymoon” is over.
After all these years in faith I come to see how unconverted I am. So I see every new day as a chance to begin again. Just like st. Francis, from his deathbed, said to his fellow friars “Let us begin, brothers, to serve the Lord, for up to now we have made little or no progress”.
And, related to work in evangelization … Well, my grandma was an illiterate peasant woman, worked hard almost all her life, and never had time or education to be some distinct member of Catholic community. But I’ve never met a person of such wisdom and faith. So please don’t make conclusions from someone’s activity list – maybe these humble faithful women with rosaries in their hands did much more for God’s kingdom (and therefore for converts) than legions of Catholic celebrities.