Advice to Singletons

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Dear Miss. Fabi,
My aunt asks me every Thanksgiving if I finally have boyfriend. I feel peeved, dismayed, bereft. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Single Sally*

I’m sure you love your aunt. I love my aunts. I love my aunts, girlfriends and even the silly people on tv commercials who arc their eyebrows to enquire if I’ve finally captured a man. I respond, “Yes, I finally caught one with my man trap I set up in the backyard!” But inside I think, “No, it isn’t God’s time yet.” Or is that the other way around? I forget.

I know a lot of people who complain often about how single they are, as if one’s ability to find a sunset beautiful or company delightful depended solely on having a significant other. I’m not saying that it isn’t difficult to see couples staring into each other’s twinkly eyes for hours. What I am saying is that is the equivalent of spending your day looking through a keyhole of a locked door. If you stop doing that you’ll realize you’re standing in a hallway of plenty of open doors.

You do have to build a bit of a backbone in order to weather the pressures of your family and friends and I see boy and girls try to do just that all the time but fail miserably in the attempt. I didn’t quite get the hang of it myself until a little bit ago. Now I have to bite my lip in order not to respond to intrusive questions with, “Yes, I’m single, isn’t in awesome!” without a hint of irony.

First of all you can’t build a good backbone unless you have friends who couldn’t care less if you’re single or not. Usually they won’t even ask about your love life unless you bring it up because if you had one you’d talk about it right? Treasure your friends and if you don’t have good friends pray for them and look for them. Who will go to your puffed up future wedding otherwise? Seriously though find your friends before you find your groom or bride.

Learn to trust God and give Him some real credit. A marriage takes two, and you can’t just wave your magic wand and have Prince Charming appear. God’s providence will play a hand in your love life. You don’t know where you’ll meet your true love so you have to leave that part of to Him. There is one huge load off your shoulders.

What do you do in the mean time? Worship God, have adventures, become a better person, learn to play the saxophone. Be creative. There are a million things you don’t even realize will become a lot harder to do once your married. So treasure your single time and make it a rich time. Soon you’ll realize you’re not thinking about being old and alone forever because you don’t feel old and alone at all. *You will be thriving and not just surviving.

Single Sally I wish you well, keep praying and live well.

Yours truly,
Miss, Fabi

*Sally’s imaginary inquiry that I think is throughly plausible given the way she follows Linus about.

* Phrase coined by Mr. Matthew Kelley about living a good life in general.

This is Fabiola Garza’s first article for VirtuousPla.net. You can find her art and other writings @ Catholic Colors

Fabiola Garza

Fabiola Garza

Hi! My name is Fabiola and I draw for a living. My fun-tastic website is http://www.CatholicColors.com.

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8 Responses

  1. “Treasure your friends and if you don’t have good friends pray for them and look for them.”
    This is so important! I think many people underestimate the importance of good relationships with friends and family. How can you ever have a steady love relationship if you don’t work on the relationships with your friends? It’s the ideal way to ‘practice’ for marriage.
    I’ve written a similar post to yours a few months ago, but I don’t know what the linking policy of this site is, so I won’t link to it.

  2. My advice would be to answer with a smile and say that you don’t, that way you show people that it isn’t the end of the world.

  3. I had a friend back when I was about 21 who was so patiently waiting for the man who God picked for her that he wait (unlike mine which was frenetic and goofy and embarassing) was a beautiful witness. Each time you get this question, if you answer with a glimpse into your understanding of the process, you will change and affect many of those around you, even if you dont think you are.

  4. Ouch, that question always irritates even when I feel grounded and content in my singleness.

    Great advice for the single person, and maybe a nice warning to those who are always questioning: your “gentle” probing can sometimes be very unsettling and rude to others, no matter how well meaning you are.

  5. Yeah, it’s hard being single sometimes, but at this time in my life (22, law student, weekend musician) who even has the time not to be? I used to gripe and complain that all my friends were dating, or married, or whatever; but I can’t tell you how happy I am right now to not have to schedule my life around someone else or that someone else might have to schedule their life around me. This is the time when I become me. I don’t want anyone else getting in the way of that.

    Besides, I have more fun than my attached friends do. 😉

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