Why? Because of a schmancy thing called the “hermeneutic of the gift”. A key point in the Theology of the Body, this concept of “gift” teaches that since the entirety of the universe, everything from creation to marriage, exists singularly because of God’s sheer goodness and desire to give, then real life consists in participating in that “dimension of gift”, that economy of giving. Much like the laws of nature dictate that a two-minute bike ride with my boy will exhaust me and that OK Computer incites ecstasy in anyone who listens to it, the law of gift determines that the outcome of manipulation and lust is dis-satisfaction, and the outcome of sacrifice and deference will be redemptive satisfaction.

The created order, finding its pinnacle in humanity, lives, moves, and has its being fundamentally through the gift of God alone. No inherent merit demanded creation; it was not needed, it was given, not one string attached. You and I weren’t necessary, we were desired “for our own sake”. As a result, this gifted life thrives, is set ablaze, when it responds in like kind and, consequently, suffers when it grasps in selfishness. That is why no one truly finds beauty in greed, or no one but a few Rand-ians find virtue in selfishness, but most everyone finds beauty in the selflessness of Mother Teresa or the intense sacrifices made by a single parent. We find true, real life when we give of ourselves; and we find discontent and frustration when we take from the world.

It isn’t self-help or wishful thinking, either. Why does it feel rewarding to bring food to a soup kitchen, or even to give small pocket change to a beggar on the street? Some would say that it appeases the guilt that is heaped on us as a result of religion, but those of us who know Christ and live His religion know better (yes, I advocate religious organization, largely because I’ve seen the inside of my backpack and would never want the body of Christ to look like it). We know that there is intrinsic goodness in letting go of our time, treasure, and talent, even if it is only $.43, because the widow who gave her last $.02 was lauded by Jesus and “it is better to give than to receive”.

(The Widow’s Mite)

What cracks me up is that, though we agree there is a goodness, both in the act and the accompanying feelings, to giving to the poor or helping someone with their groceries, we don’t play it out logically. If it feels/is so good to do the small, random acts of kindness, why don’t more of us take the plunge and allow that “posture of giving”, to quote Rev. David Dale (Father-in-law), to be our everyday posture, our minute-by-minute mentality? Why not commit intentional acts of sacrifice as an all-encompassing lifestyle? Instead, most of us stop at the niceties, and even those fall by the wayside when the going gets tough. At least, that’s what is true in my life.

For instance, I have always had the unspoken policy of putting my shoes on the bottom of the rack so that my wife could put hers on the top and reach them easier. It has always been my personal, quiet way of preferring her to myself. However, at one point in our marriage when things had gotten quite tough for us and our relationship was upended, I subtly started placing my shoes on the top of the rack. Now, I don’t think she even noticed it, to be honest, but what it reflected about the state of my heart spoke volumes, and it took me noticing my minuscule moments of selfishness to show me where I was causing the harm in the relationship. The small act was an indicator of the general attitude of grasping I’d begun to hold, both toward my wife and the world. The shoes took an altitude plunge in a hurry, as well as placing my loofah on the back of the rack and my toothpaste in a harder-to-reach place than hers, for good measure.

Mind you, I know very well the hesitancy you might feel when facing the possibility of giving it all away. It’s daunting. After all, you just might find yourself exhausted due to the emotional chaos of the kids you adopted from a tough home and penniless for the same reason. You could end up homeless as you move from one missionary situation to the next. All this and more awaits those who decide to attempt to live gift with each breath, but, I can assure you that real, vibrant, exciting, miraculous life set on fire awaits, as well.

In the book of Judges, we meet a man of insignificant background named Gideon who was asked by God to do the impossible.  When he responded with doubt and claims of ineptitude, God’s response was, “Go fight with the strength you have. I am the one who is sending you. I will be with you.” We are strong, good, and able because of Who gives us strength and goodness, Who sends us and goes with us. We can give everything because we’ve first received everything from the Giver of all good things.

Keep in mind, we don’t have to quantify our success, we just have to live the law of gift, the rest is inconsequential. Just give, dangit! One of my favorite songs of all time, both for the content and the fact that it’s the perfect running tempo for me, is Needtobreathe’s Nothing Left To Lose. One line states, “Love is just like a war you can’t win. You can give, you can give, you can give.” In the dimension of gift, if you give, you’ve won, even if you lose. In the closing minute of the song, Bear Rinehart sings, “When there’s nothing that you can’t afford to sacrifice, there’s no way they can put out your fire.” Whether you see success or not, by living gift, you can let go of fear of the outcome, join with The Killers, and sing, ”From the summit’s edge to the cutting room floor, I will be afraid no more.”

Ladies and Gents, we were made to live lives of transcendent  inexplicable gift, keeping the loosest of holds on that which everyone else holds dear. Each of us had our life simply gifted to us, and we find peace when we give the reins, and ourselves, to God. As soon as we do, we find ourselves able to readily give everything else to others, including, but not limited to, the winning position in a Facebook brawl, adequate sleep, and your preferred iPod playlist.

So, let us stop taking and grasping, and begin giving and receiving. Let us cease taking communion and begin receiving the Eucharist. Let us put our shoes, loofahs, and toothbrushes at the back. Let us make sure each word is a gift to others, not a dagger, knowing that “life and death is in the tongue” (Prov 18:21). May we let the coins of each area of our lives trickle through our fingers with gladness. Let us empty ourselves for all, breathe our life into all, and bleed out for all.

I’d start with the shoes.

The other evening an episode of M*A*S*H came on. Now that’s a great show.  Here’s why I like it.

Evil as its Own Character

M*A*S*H takes place in a mobile military hospital within the backdrop of the Korean War.  The characters deal with death and war in every episode. What this does is free up the writers of the show so that they don’t have to make an one of the main characters the bad guy. Yes, there are selfish characters like Major Winchester and neurotic doctors like Frank Burns, but neither one of those characters has to play the role of evil. Relative to the war going on, you can still see that these medical doctors are doing good and that there is good to be found in everybody, except for maybe an occasional nameless Korean soldier or the unstoppable momentum of U.S. military bureaucracy.

Fr. Mulcahy

Here is probably the only example of a priest, as a regular character on a TV series, shown in a positive light. Father Francis Mulcahy, played by William Christopher, is the hospital chaplain who is respected by the other characters for his humility and faithful works among all of the horrors of war.

Can you think of one character on a contemporary TV show who is Christian and put in a positive light? I think it would be the smartest thing any TV producer could do today. There would be a huge built-in fan base breathing a sigh of relief that the entire entertainment industry isn’t the evil I mentioned above.

Sparing Use of the Laugh Track

Do you hate the television laugh track as much as I do? It is an insidious device that makes people think they should be laughing, even when something is not funny. There is a social element to laughing that the TV laugh track abuses, deadening any sense of subtlety or real listening by the audience. Try watching an episode of Two and a Half Men, Friends, or Seinfeld asking yourself, “Was that really funny? Why the canned laughter? Or are they trying to persuade me to laugh at the lazy bad writing? ” Sometimes more than 50% of the 30-minute show is fake laughter.

Some newer shows, like The Office, don’t use the laugh track at all, but they substitute the same effect visually by cutting to a character’s sarcastic or dumbfounded look.

M*A*S*H does use the laugh track during some of the comedic scenes, but it is not throughout the whole show. According to Wikipedia:

“Series creators Larry Gelbart and Gene Reynolds wanted M*A*S*H broadcast without a laugh track (“Just like the actual Korean War”, Gelbart remarked dryly), but CBS rejected the idea. By season two, a compromise had been reached, whereby the producers were allowed to omit the laugh track during operating room scenes if they wished.”

The compromise worked out well. Since there is so much contrast between this  humorous scenes and the scenes that deal with life and death in this “dramedy,” helping the audience along to tell them it is OK to laugh seems appropriate.

Are There Any Shows You Think Are Better?

I challenge you to name one in the comments section below along with your reasoning.

Waiting on four pepperoni HARs (hot and readys) to be…well…ready (Little Ceasar’s was back-logged) I moseyed over to the bar next door to find a bar bathroom. I found and entered a small closet with two urinals and a stall and an older gentleman followed close behind and grabbed a urinal before I did.

Now I have to tell you that the events that transpired were not normal Edmund-Bathroom Protocol. Normally in a two-urinal-one-occupied situation I choose the stall.I take the high road. I take one for the team.

I normally go with the stall to give the urinal man some peace of mind and free flowage. Its an act of charity. A humanitarian endeavor. Have some courtesy. No man wants to stand inches away from a stranger who is also urinating.

But today was different. Today I felt sassy.

Plus the stall looked dirty and gross.

So I went with the urinal right next to him. And the most amazing thing happened. Staring at a wall full of ads, a bar calendar, business cards, and other pleasantries, the guy broke the tension: “Boy, April sure has flown by fast.”

He was right. April had flown by fast.

Caught off guard by his candor and insightful observation, and noticing that I could practically taste the beer he’d been drinking, I went into talking-with-intoxicated-strangers mode. I love talking to intoxicated strangers. Okay let me clarify. This guy was about two beers away from swimming, so he was not really drunk-drunk. A better description would be “I love everyone in this bar and want to talk to everyone because I’m happy” intoxicated.

Let me tell you, for those few golden moments while relieving ourselves, we chatted up a STORM. Your Church rosary making group had nothing on us that day. I mean we were REALLY communicating on a deeply personal level. Chuckles were had. Heartfelt questions were asked. Comradery abounded. No eye contact though. That’d be weird.

As we parted ways, I couldn’t help feeling that my life was just a smidge better than before I entered the bar. Instead of entering a crowded room full of people and pretending all of them were as real as Manti Te’o’s girlfriend, I actually existed in a personal way in a room full of crowded people. Okay, in the bathroom next to a room full of crowded people.

Jefferey Kahn argues that beer gave us civilization because of its ability to put us all on the same social “playing field” by lowering our inhibitions. Which made me realize, a lot of the greatest Saints went through life sans inhibitions. In fact, the first Christians were  mistaken for 4 a.m. Waffle House customers. (Look up Acts 2:13, I’m loosely paraphrasing sort of.)

Which made me THEN realize, all Saints are just drunk people!

Think about it. What made St. John Chrysostom call out the Emperor’s wife publicly? Lack of inhibition. What caused St. Nicholas to think it was perfectly okay to slap the ever-living heresy out of Arius? Lack of inhibition. What made St. Francis Xavier travel door to door in a foreign land telling thousands of natives that they should make hamburgers instead of worshiping cows? Lack of inhibition. It goes on an on.

Its like Jesus is saying “Let them come to me, for the kingdom belongs to such drunks as these.”

But it makes you wonder, what if we chose to act that way all the time? What if we chose to not have social inhibitions? (You weird extroverts that act this way on a regular basis can stop reading, this is for the rest of us. We can still be friends. Lower your voice. Yes, you can tell that one story again.)

In an increasingly technological society (how often have you heard THAT paragraph opener…) where we are more virtually connected than ever, we are also more physically disconnected than ever. When it comes to human interaction, inhibitions abound. Why am I more comfortable tweeting to thousands of strangers about my son pooping an uncomfortable amount, but I am super uncomfortable talking to strangers who say “Hey” comfortably?

Drunk people LOVE social interaction. They love talking to people they just met about anything. Some guy in a bar asked me what fancy store I got my jacket from. I told him Goodwill. He then proceeded to tell me all the articles of clothing he was wearing from Goodwill as well. Now THAT’S some social interaction for you people. We were the Goodwill crew from then on up in that place. We were companions.

Fr. Raniero Cantalamessa devotes a whole book to this drunkeness thing, echoing Pope Paul VI who echoed St. Ambrose during a world congress of charismatic renewal in 1975: “Let us drink the sober intoxication of the Spirit with joy!”

“Prudence is the virtue that disposes practical reason to discern our true good in every circumstance and to choose the right means of achieving it” says the Catechism. And if our conscience is that desire to do good and avoid evil, shouldn’t it make sense that the devil would have a sort of anti-virtue to fight our conscience? An impulse that tells us to avoid the good?

You are right, being drunk is a sin. We are talking here about a sober intoxication. I’m being metaphorical and incendiary. I’m feeling sassy. But there is obviously some connection between what happens to a drunk person and what happens to a person filled with the Holy Spirit and consumed with love of Christ. Otherwise St. Ambrose is just being silly. This intoxication we are talking about knows no restraint from pursuing the good, it knows only wild reckless love. St. Paul tells us to be a fool for Christ in 1 Corinthians 4:10 for goodness sakes.

I hope this rant has taught you a few key life principles.

1) In a two-urinal-one-occupied situation, go for the free urinal. No one goes for the free urinal. You may be delightfully surprised. Or scarred for life. Who knows!

2) Talk to people! Be outgoing and friendly and if people get weirded out, just tell them you are sloshed, or soberly intoxicated, or in love with Jesus Christ. Whatever.

3) Stop avoiding human interaction. In an increasingly privatized, digitized, secularized world, human interaction is a saving antidote. People who drink beer know this well. Why do more people go to bars and drink over priced cocktails when they could be at home drinking the same thing at a fraction of the cost? Its not the peanuts. Its the human interaction. Bars are a refuge for the lonely. Being drunk is an excuse to know people and be known by people. So get out there and start giving people some attention!

4) The next time you feel some inhibition sneaking up in your skull, ask the Holy Spirit if this is your conscience trying to warn you to avoid evil, or if this is your weak flesh trying to tell you to stay comfortable, soft, and warm.

Stay soberly intoxicated, my friends.

I noticed the other day that you were listening with rapt attention to the girls at the pool as they talked about boys.  I saw you scoot a little closer when they spoke of their boyfriends and kissing.  You didn’t say a word.  You didn’t have to.  I saw your eyes.I know that they are fascinating, that the things they are discussing are completely foreign to you, and yet you want so badly to know more.  They were talking about dating as if it were the most normal thing in the world for them.  It was like a foreign language to someone whose friends aren’t allowed boyfriends or dating.  Those sweet home-schooled girls you hang out with get mushy over the idea of holding hands with a boy, but never have.  These girls have gone much further than that and they are younger than you.  I know that your innocence makes you feel like a baby in these conversations.  I know it because I was that girl once.

I have seen the way you look at the boy who lives across the creek.  I think you have good taste.  He’s a good guy.  I know that those experienced younger girls tease you about him and ask if you’ve kissed him.  I know that even though you believe in courting instead of dating, there’s a part of you that really wants to know what it is to kiss a boy. I can see in your face the longing to know what they know, and you’re beginning to wonder for the first time if your father and I aren’t setting an impossibly high standard for you.

I get that married people telling a teenager to be chaste is a little like a skinny girl telling you that those size 2 jeans could be yours if only you gave up sugar and carbs as she munches on a chunk of cheesecake. It’s easy for us to say because we don’t have to live what we are asking of you.  I know it sounds that way, my dear, but you are wrong.  We do have to live that way. We know exactly how much we are asking of you because we have to live it ourselves.

We have discussed birth control and all of the reasons it is wrong.  You can look around our house and see that we don’t contracept.  Seven babies in 16 years makes that pretty apparent.  Have you ever thought about what happens when it may not be a good time for babies?  Like right now. Your sister is sick with the double whammy of a chronic illness and an horrific accident. We are exhausted from the care of her, and money has gotten scary tight.  While your dad and I are always thrilled with new people, this would be spectacularly bad timing for adding anyone new to our family.  We would, of course, love anyone God sent to us, but this moment is a really rough one.  So what do we do?

You and I are kind of in the same boat, sister.  It is not a good time for either of us to be having a baby.  What does this have to do with kissing?  Kissing has a purpose.  It is the beginning of the path that starts the fire that ends 9 months later in the delivery room.  Your dad and I know this, so we don’t even go on that path.  We have learned that once it’s started, you can’t ever quite put that fire out.  When you and your siblings go to bed, we sit up and talk, watch TV, futz about on the computer, or watch movies.  We have to practice the same self-control we expect from you.  Only, my cute boy doesn’t live on the other side of the neighborhood creek, he lives in the same house, and sleeps next to me in the same bed.  (And I’m not talking about the peck I give him to say good-bye or hello.  There’s  kissing and kissing, but you knew that.) Self-control and self-denial are hard to learn and even more difficult to practice.  Your dad and I are still working at it.  These things can take a lifetime to learn.

When you get to the place in your life where babies would be a blessing and not a burden, you will be so glad to be able to discover all of these things in a context of joy without tinges of guilt or fear.  It is not always easy to live correctly in a world that doesn’t.  Prayer, determination and someone to talk to can help you do it (or not do it ….) Just know that if you need to talk, I am here, and I do know how hard it is, because right now, I’m living it, too.

The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops recently issued a letter entitled “Marriage and the Supreme Court.”  This bulletin insert, to be distributed nationwide, is nothing particularly earth-shaking.  It describes the two cases presently before the court, and provides information on what people can do to advocate for marriage as defined by Christian Tradition.

Of course this letter did not go unnoticed–in response, Mary Elizabeth Williams has written her own piece for Salon.  “Is the Catholic Church even trying to make sense on marriage equality?” attempts to point out the flaws in Catholic thought on marriage, sexuality, and parenthood.  Ms. Williams’ essay is short and to-the-point, and her point is this: the Catholic Church is inconsistent and irrelevant when it comes to the definition of marriage.

As much as I might like to, it is not my intention here to correct all of the falsehoods and half-truths in this article, or plead a passionate defense of the bishops faithfully and humbly serving Christ’s Church.  (Though I will briefly say that yes, the Bible does include examples of bigamy–but I’m not entirely sure what that has to do with God’s design for marriage, as set forth in the opening chapters of Genesis and held by the Catholic Church from its inception.)  What I do hope to touch on, instead, is one claim in particular that Williams makes.

And don’t repeat the flat-out vicious untruth that “Redefining marriage in the law says many false things: women — mothers — are dispensable; men — fathers — are dispensable; what adults want trumps what a child deserves and has a basic right to.” Because I have to tell you, that’s what grasping at straws looks like.

Proponents of civil unions regularly snicker at the “dispensable” argument used by some in defending marriage as being between one man and one woman.  They point out (more or less rightly) that their respective same-sex unions have virtually no effect on my marriage or yours, or on how I raise my children.  They also (rightly) express the sad reality that marriages are plagued by divorce, abuse, and adultery all on their own–that we heterosexuals are plenty self-destructive and therefore a much bigger threat to ourselves than gay or lesbian couples are to us.  And, they’ll get no argument from me on those points.  I agree.  (Although I will say that certain components of the civil union bills do have the potential to affect Catholic organizations and businesses, but that’s another topic for another time.)

But it’s a bit of a straw-man argument, because no one is saying that motherhood and fatherhood actually become irrelevant when civil unions become legal.  That is simply preposterous–Colorado just passed a historic civil unions bill, and last time I checked, I’m still raising my eight children.  And judging by how often my two-month-old needs to nurse, I am still very much relevant.  So no, Catholics are not afraid of something bad transpiring the moment same-sex couples are granted marriage licenses by the state.

When Catholics discuss the danger of motherhood/fatherhood being rendered dispensable, they are instead saying that womanhood and manhood are always relevant.  And that marriage is a defined, God-breathed institution that has been present from the creation of the world.  They are saying that it very much matters that a child have a mother and a father.  They are appealing to natural law and to the right order of things: the procreation of children requires a man and a woman, does it not?  And God created male and female and told them to be fruitful and multiply, did He not?

Of course I suspect Williams’ article was written from a place of frustration and emotion.  And I get that, because people very much do see the issue as one of equality–if marriage itself has no objective meaning or definition, and is merely left to the very subjective idea of “love”, then why should only one type of relationship be recognized by the state?  It’s a sensitive subject and you won’t ever hear me wondering why people are so very passionate about it.  The author has also possibly never known a bishop or priest personally, or taken the time to understand just where Catholics are coming from.  Maybe it’s too painful or frustrating to delve into.  And again, I understand.  But it’s a shame, because the truth is that the historic Christian position on marriage, children and the human person is liberating.  It is clear and, dare I say, logical.  It is rooted in creation and also in natural law.  And while there are certainly inconsistencies in how people live this out, the design itself is cohesive and straightforward.

It makes sense. 

There are three things that I believe Christians ought to do in the face of the sort of skepticism and outright criticism typified by Williams’ article. The first is to joyfully live out your vocation as the woman or man God created you to be.  There is always going to be something beautiful and winsome about healthy relationship, new life, and living in light of the dignity given you by God Himself.  If you are married, embrace your role as husband or wife, mother or father.  If you are not, embrace that instead.  Either way, love Jesus, love others, be a living witness to the world of God’s plan for humanity.  Be humble.  Seek holiness.  Simply exist as a testimony to the beauty inherent in living in proper relationship with God.

Second, we must take the time to understand for ourselves why we profess that marriage can only exist between a man and a woman.  Because the average person on the street (or on Facebook) doesn’t know.  They assume we simply hate people different from ourselves, or that we have some arbitrary reason for wanting to prohibit some percentage of the population from achieving happiness.  Read the Bible, read the Catechism of the Catholic Church, invest some time in reading some encyclicals.  Make it a habit to read Pope Francis’ weekly addresses.  Become familiar with what marriage and human sexuality are.  An entire world is hurting for this knowledge that our very Church holds dear.

And finally, prayer is a must.  Pray for those far from God, pray for those distrustful of the Church, pray for those struggling with their respective sexuality.  Pray that hearts won’t be hardened towards Jesus on account of attractions or lifestyle.  Pray for the lonely and the hurting and also for the comfortable and the happy.  Pray for young people, period.  Pray that men and women may avoid or escape the snare of pornography.  Pray that your own heart will remain soft towards people who believe or live or speak differently than you.  We are all, after all, people.  Made in the image of a loving God.

Regardless what the culture says or does, there is no need to be fearful or distraught.  Because ultimately?  The Catholic Church doesn’t have to “try to make sense” when it comes to marriage equality.  Holy Matrimony is a gift, a treasure, and a Sacrament that is ordered towards a healthy and whole society.  It brings forth and nourishes life, and is a catalyst for holiness and virtue.  So we need only point to God’s perfect plan for creation from the beginning of time, and allow the Holy Spirit to do the rest.

“…ex tota virtute tua…” Mk 12:30

Everyone has their favorite verse and this is mine. Granted, mine is not exactly the whole verse. I like the shortened part-verse idea. It reminds me of a bishop’s motto. Given that the laity “are by baptism made one body with Christ and are constituted among the People of God; they are in their own way made sharers in the priestly, prophetical, and kingly functions of Christ; and they carry out for their own part the mission of the whole Christian people in the Church and in the world.” LG 4:31

I have taken on a personal motto in a similar vein to a bishop. He is the spiritual father of his diocese and I am the spiritual leader of my domestic church. Therefore, we each get a cool motto.

The common translation of this verse is “with all your strength.” When I was young, this verse gave me the idea of physical strength. Years later, I would learn that “virtue” can sometimes mean “strength” and “manliness.” Eventually I would look up this verse in the Vulgate and see the word virtute rather than another word like potestatem which means “power”. Using virtute, it seems the verse could also read “with all your virtue.” This personal motto is mine not because it describes me, but because it prescribes what I need to do. Picture it like a poster in the football locker room that says “Never give up.”

McKay was asked if he thinks there are misconceptions about society’s view of manliness. His response included:

“I ask men about what it is to be a man and I get the kind of answers that you would expect: being aggressive, being macho, and being domineering. This is our modern American idea of masculinity. But if you were to ask the same question over a century ago, you would get answers that define manhood as being a person of virtue, having courage, having honor, and having resolve.”

Like McKay, I think the older version is not just more accurate, but also right. I think this has been the classical understanding of manliness throughout centuries and even goes back to the etymology of the word itself.

Vir = Man

© xunantunich – Fotolia.com

Sometimes it takes going to a cave and re-learning. Men need to re-find the basics of manliness. They need to enter, convert, and exit again. After they leave the dark cavern, he may see masculinity as it really is. He comes in thinking it is brutish and may leave understanding manhood is virtuous. He may enter the cave on his two feet of selfishness and power but he may…

 ”come out of your (his) cave walking on your (his) hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You (He) can understand dependence
When you (he) know the maker’s hand”

Mumford and Sons, The Cave

Dependence is key here. Our true understanding of manliness will only be possible if we hang (dependere, Latin for to hang) on Him. Being virtuous is hard work but His grace is sufficient. Part of seeing manliness in a new way comes with the understanding that “virtus in infirmitate perficitur” or “virtue is made perfect in weakness.”

St. Josemaria Escriva came out of the cave and this is what he found:

“There is need for a crusade of manliness and purity to counteract and undo the savage work of those who think that man is a beast. And that crusade is a matter for you.” Escriva, The Way 121

When it was evening, the disciples of Jesus went down to the sea, embarked in a boat, and went across the sea to Capernaum. It had already grown dark, and Jesus had not yet come to them.The sea was stirred up because a strong wind was blowing. When they had rowed about three or four miles,they saw Jesus walking on the sea and coming near the boat,and they began to be afraid.But he said to them, “It is I. Do not be afraid.”They wanted to take him into the boat, but the boat immediately arrived at the shore to which they were heading. (Jn 6:16-21).

The Gospel writers were fond of relating ‘on/by the water’ scenes to their readers. Many significant events happen by the seashore: some of the Apostles are called, Jesus teaches great crowds, and he encounters the Apostles after the Resurrection.

In this instance—Jesus walking on water—it would appear as if nothing significant happens, at least nothing as instructive as Jesus’ instruction and dialogue with Peter.

Our indication comes from what follows this scene, namely the ‘bread of life’ discourse in the sixth chapter of John. The account of Jesus appearing to the disciples walking on water is the prelude to one of His most important teachings.

The theme of light, again, helps us understand how we should take these events to heart.

In the evening, the time light recedes from the sky, the Apostles set out to sea. The boat here is an instrument of man’s labor and when rowing on the sea a man is entirely dependent upon his efforts to keep himself safe and guide his journey.

Darkness came and Jesus was not yet with them. They anticipated Jesus would be with them, but instead they were confronted with darkness. They could no longer rely on their senses and their sense of direction was reduced or even negated. These men, by their own efforts, sought God in the darkness but could not find Him straightaway. They, however, were not disheartened.

Then a storm stirred the waters, which indicates that their efforts would not only meet resistance but that at this moment they had no control over their own situation. Nevertheless they remained steadfast and labored in the storm. Life itself will have moments of darkness where we do not know where we are going and storms that leave us at the mercy of all around us.

After a time they saw Jesus walking on water: Jesus navigates the darkness easily and He is not at the mercy of what surrounds Him. Rather, He is in complete control. He approached their boat and at that moment they became afraid. They had encountered difficulties but never this strange and marvelous sight. Jesus tells them, “Do not be afraid” and they listened.

Rather than accept upon impulse something marvelous and strange they waited for the Lord’s voice to assure them. After His reassurance, meaning they discerned clearly that He was the Lord, they desired that He enter their boat, that is to say their own efforts.

The moment they desired this the boat they were in landed at their destination. Here it does not say they “rowed to their destination” but rather they “immediately arrived.” It was still dark and the storm persisted but Jesus brought them safely to their destination.

My brothers and sisters, our good works and labors will not bring us to our final destination, only Jesus can. Like the disciples in this boat, however, they persevered through darkness and storm anticipating Jesus. Jesus came to them, not the other way around. When they desired that He might with them their journey had ended.

There is no journey apart from seeking Christ. Though we are stuck at times in storm and darkness He approaches us in all serenity. Accept Him into your daily labors. Then all of your works, if not successful, will be complete.

Xhosa rite of passage in South Africa

I had the blessing of growing up in an incredible parish. Holy Cross bore many of the hallmarks of what we as a Church are beginning to recognize as the program for rejuvenating parishes. A perpetual adoration chapel. Beautiful liturgies. Dynamic preaching. Discipleship programs and evangelization retreats. A Catholic grade school that begins each day with Mass. Confessions every day. Stop and read that again; confessions every day. A classically “felt-banners and liturgical dance” parish for much of the 90s, Holy Cross was radically changed by the efforts and leadership of the pastor, Msgr. Daniel Deutsch. He came into a difficult situation and decided to do what all good priests perceive as the task at hand. He became a father to a community of thousands.

I’ve had the blessing of traveling quite a bit in the last few years and have attended daily Mass in dozens of parishes across the U.S. Now, in my experience, I would say that the demographic for daily Mass attendees is predominantly female. Now, there are plenty of sociological reasons for this phenomena. Those were reasons which I assumed would ensure that daily Mass attendance would continue to minister to a strongly female population.

However, as Holy Cross grew from a parish of about 2,000 families to the now 3,500 families and became increasingly devout, I noticed a trend in daily Mass attendance. Twelve years after Msgr. Deutsch arrived, my eyeball estimation puts the genders of the attendees at about 50-50. My favorites are the young, professional males that are seen in their same pew day in and day out.

I have been thrilled in my time at seminary to discover how many of my seminarian brothers have a real heart for men’s ministry. Many of them from personal experience are aware of the inability of felt-banner Catholicism to powerfully compel the heart of the man. Men desire truth, challenge, adventure. Men want a task to be accomplished. Not strictly in a “knight-in-shining-armor” kind of way, but in a “dude-in-suit-and-tie-who-has-encountered-Christ-in-a-powerful-way-and-has-felt-called-to-witness-to-authentic-manhood-in-the-world-following-the-examples-of-the-saints-martyrs-and-apostles” kind of way.

The “Msgr. Deutsch difference” has been in his approach to preaching. An obviously gifted public speaker, he also mixes in narration and doctrine in a marvelous exchange of real life experience and mystical reflection. His preaching comes from his heart and witnesses to the men in the congregation what it looks like to be a man set on fire by the love of Christ. Moreover, he models in his own pastor-ship the love of the Father.

It is that love that I want to reflect on for a second here, specifically in the manner in which it can be recognized and received by the masculine heart. It is my conviction that each man must begin to see himself as a son of the Father. Faith as a cognitive discipline is like my call-tag these days and the relationship of beloved sonship with the Father, built into our very fabric based on our role as creature and perfected in the ontological change of our Baptism, must become our modus operandi.

Many men, however, don’t necessarily want to be a son anymore. Becoming an adult man means learning to take care of others. Consistently inundated with the responsibilities of both work and family life, the role of beloved son can unfortunately start to seem to a man as somehow like a reversion to childhood or, worse, effeminate. Having “grown up,” the idea of becoming like a little child again in our relationship to God can be uncomfortable.

The sociological study of the role of the “son” in various cultures does plenty to dispel this notion, though. As a young child, the son is delighted in. He is a welcomed joy with great plans spoken over his life from a young age. Then follows the rites of passage. A task to be completed and on the other side the designation by the community as a man. From there, he is seen by his father as a sort of equal, worthy to join him in the family business or start his own endeavor.

I think that in order to recover an authentically masculine spirituality, we have to engage this identity of beloved sonship in the fullness of these three modes of standing in relationship to a father as a son. We must experience ourselves as being delighted in by our Father for who we are. We have to allow Him to take us through the rites of passage and eventually, to find ourselves standing shoulder to shoulder with Christ, our brother, and looking out into the mission field, asking what needs to be done.

I read somewhere that a large percentage of men indicated in a survey that they would rather be respected than loved. When pushed on their answer, it became clear that many of them, in fact, answered this way because they equated respect with love. The way men receive love is by being respected. One might be tempted to read an element of egotism in there, but I’d rather see the heart of a son longing for the affirmation of a Father in who he is and what he’s about. The humility of a God who created the universe who chooses to walk through the process of manhood with each of His sons and find them worthy of respect as a man is mind-boggling.

I have personally been witness to the power that this message can have in the lives of men. It is this message that Msgr. Deutsch has been able to convey that has brought men flocking in droves to encounter Christ at the Heavenly Banquet each morning at Holy Cross: the Father loves you, and He also respects you.

Let’s discuss. What do you think are essential aspects of  a masculine spirituality?

What’s a girl to do? We listen to the words of St. Paul when he wrote to the church in Ephesus,

“Try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the fruitless works of darkness; rather expose them, for it is shameful even to mention the things done by them in secret; but everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for everything that becomes visible is light. Therefore, it says: ‘Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.’” (Eph. 5:10-14)

We start by trying. We try not to take part in fruitless works of darkness. We expose the lies of Satan. We cling to the light, to the truth of God’s goodness. We ask God to show us how worthy He finds us. Then, inspired by Him and filled with the knowledge that He loves us and finds us worthy, we go out into the world and share His message and His love with others.

Satan tells us that we aren’t worthy. God tells us that we are. Satan strikes at our heels, at our hearts, and at our souls. God invites us to love, He gives us the perfect example of love in Jesus Christ. Who are we to believe? How are we to become aware of the lies that Satan tries to get women to believe? What does it mean to live in the world today, knowing that God finds us worthy? Well, funny you should ask! I wrote a book all about these very questions. Does Satan attack the hearts of women, and if so, why? How to do we overcome the lies that Satan has tried to sell us on? What does the Eucharist mean for us, and how does it speak to us as women? What role do Eve and Mary have in all of this spiritual warfare? What does it all mean for me, living in the world today?

I’ll be honest, I never, in a million years, thought I’d write a book. Heck, I never thought I’d write a blog, let alone write for any other sites. However, our God is a God of mystery, and of love. Through a series of events and blog posts I wrote about a year and a half ago, He placed on my heart a desire to write a book. This desire was confirmed time and time again through the words of friends and blog readers, none of whom I had told about my desire to write a book. I went to adoration one night with this desire on my heart and asked Him what He wanted me to do. In a matter of about half an hour I had written an outline, sections, and chapter titles for the entire book. What I wrote in adoration that night is almost exactly what is in the book (two of the chapters were combined, but everything else is the same). God showed me that my struggles in my life aren’t just mine, they are the struggles that are plaguing women everywhere. Then, with a grace and beauty that can only come from God, He gave me the words to write this book. For me, the book is a love story. It is the story God longs to speak to the hearts of His daughters, reminding them that He sees them as worthy, worth dying for, and worth loving for each and every breath they breathe.

Available TODAY, Worthy: See Yourself as God Does seeks to answer all of these questions and more as women journey to the heart of Christ, discovering their God-given worth, and the impact that His love has on their lives. Worthy will be available on Amazon and Kindle. Signed copies can be ordered here.

 The reason for this disparity is, as I said above, I have never associated the concept of “Home” with a place. Home is more of a concept, and even in some sense a feeling. As much as my inner wordsmith dislikes using such a word for something so nebulous as a feeling there really is nothing else for it. When I am home I feel relaxed. I feel like I belong. I feel whole and at rest. Perhaps it is a good thing that I can feel at home in so many places, but it is never the place that is the home.

Or perhaps Home is not a feeling, so much as the things that I have those feelings about. Home is always ever two things, in my life. When I speak of Home (with a deliberately capital ‘H’) I am speaking of either people that I love, or a Catholic Church. Having traveled quite a bit and lived in many different places, I have made many friends on both ends of the country. Sometimes it feels to me like I can never truly go home, because there is no place that unites all of those people. My Tacoma/Puyallup family would be missing if I were on the East coast, and on the west coast my related and pretty much related family would be missing. When I have leave and I go to the east coast I don’t have time to visit my NY family, and my VA family, and my SC family. Home for me would be some scenario where all of those people could be gathered together for Mass, and then a huge pizza party afterwards. When I travel overseas it is not America that I miss (cheeseburgers, the mall, fast internet and all that) but the people. My friends. And when I am in a non-Catholic country I miss the Mass.

In a similar way that I have home all over the place in the people I love, I have also been to many different Catholic churches and seen many different liturgies. Some hold a special place in my heart (shoutout to Our Lady of Good Counsel in Verona, NY; St. Mary’s in Greenville SC; and St. Francis Cabrini in Lakewood WA) but at all of them there is Jesus in His Sacramental Presence. There I am at home.

The Church in her role as educator.

I fell in love with this Church right away. Kind of like the Church I attended in Thailand, there was a strong blending of western and Nepali art and architecture. (The Navajo church I attended in Arizona was a different story. That was straight up Navajo. The only western influence was the English language, and I felt like even that was merely a concession to the priest, who spoke no Navajo.) The Church can assimilate seamlessly into any culture and give it rebirth from within if it is not hampered by overzealous ministers. I think that even the most vehemently anti-Catholic regime or hostile government or culture will not hinder the spread of the faith one half so much as her own ministers will when they insist on too narrow a view of what the Church is.

But I digress. I spent some time wandering around the outside of the Church and School buildings. Kathmandu is a large, loud, dirty city. The church was located, not in Kathmandu proper but in another city called Lotpuri, which is separated from Kathmandu by a river filled with trash. The streets around the church complex are narrow enough that two taxis cannot pass in them. The church grounds are surrounded by a brick wall with concertina wire on top of it part of the way around, and a security guard at the gate. He made me leave my backpack at the guard house. I had a laptop, Samsung galaxy note, passport, and about 80,000 Rupees ($920.00 US [Long Story]) in it. I was, therefore, a bit hesitant, but he promised to watch it. I figured, you know what? God’s got this. So I left it under St. Isadore’s protection, taking only my passport. St. Isadore is a favorite of mine. Remind me to tell you about that sometime.

No Shoes inside. You will notice that my shoes are covered by a touristy white hat which I bought to keep the sun off my touristy (and balding) white head.

I took a surreptitious picture during the Gospel. Does that make me a bad Catholic?

There are no pews in this church. There are some plastic lawn chairs along the side aisles, for the old people, but where the pews would be in the body of the church there are only rows of much compressed red cushions. Parishioners are expected to sit or kneel on these cushions. I am actually quite good at sitting cross-legged, but that was a bit rough on the knees. Totally worth it though. I enjoy praying cross-legged. I can see why Zen practitioners often meditate thus and at the risk of being branded New Age or (horrors!) a Liberal! I have often thought that it might profitably be used by Catholics as well.

One consequence of not having pews is that when it came time for Communion, people simply made a beeline straight for the Eucharist! Back of the church, front of the church, whenever and however they liked, they came. It may not have seemed orderly, but it made sense to them and I am sure it made sense to Jesus as well.

And it was the Mass! Apart from any novelty, irrelevant to any strange customs or eye-attracting art or architecture, above and beyond and infinitely deeper than all of these things (yet at the same time in and with and through all of these things) it was the Mass. The God of the Universe saw fit to arrange my schedule and travel plans to make it possible for me to visit Him in the Mass. It bears out what I have said on this blog before, brings it home, (pun very much intended) that God wants to give Himself to me far more than I could ever want to receive Him.

Praise the Lord all ye lands!

The old lady on the right in white sat cross-legged for the entire Mass except the standing and kneeling bits. It took her literally fifteen seconds to get back to her feet after Mass. And we Americans feel imposed upon when we have to kneel during the Consecration!? I also loved the fact that as she very, very slowly made her way up the aisle after Mass, all the children came running to her for her blessing. I probably should have done the same, and just didn’t know it.