O Father, Brother, Lord,
And God, Spouse of my soul,
Forgive my many sins, my crimes.
Lave my wriggling, red, whinging soul
And wipe away the deeply layered grimes,
The residue that clings
The stench that stings
Your nostrils. Take sandpaper
To the corroded rust
Of all my lies, my pride,
My many acts of lust,
And leave me clean and naked, pure and white,
That I might rest forever in your sight.
But O Good God, still more I petition
You to grant me sorrow
For all my lack, especially of contrition,
Sorrow for all my omission
Of every good and worthy deed.
I reach out in utter need
From the depths of my abstraction,
The aching distraction and nagging
Sense of loss, the dragging
Weight of never-to-be-filled void,
Vacancy and vacuum where does not exist
The good that I was called,
Capable to perform.
Culpable omission, Father.
I did not do what I could,
What I should,
What I would have, if I loved you.
For the good I might have done,
O Father, Mercy.
For the back I turned on you in your great need,
O Lord, Have Mercy.
For the vicious self-absorption which paid no heed,
O Brother, Mercy.
For the hanging (frightened) back to let you bleed,
O Savior, Mercy.
For the vacuous “I don’t care” behind my lack of deed,
O Lover, Mercy.
For the love grown stagnant, cold,
O Giver, Mercy.
For the calling shirked, shoved aside, shouted down and put on hold,
O Caller, Mercy.
For justice unwrought,
And the good infection of grace uncaught,
O Divine Fisher, Have Mercy.
For the saint I might have been
And am not,
O Sanctifier, Have Mercy Upon Me.