I had no idea when I wrote my last post that it would generate so much controversy. I certainly had no idea it would offend so many people. I assure you I meant no offense against anyone. The whole post started out as a private joke in a conversation with my cousin, and since the concept struck me as funny I typed it up and threw it out into the internet. Then I left for a week of training, and upon my return, discovered that I had unwittingly ruffled a good number of feathers.
That really is the problem with blogging, isn’t it? You write something, it sounds good, it seems reasonable, even humorous, and you put it out there and hope other people like it. Or at least get a laugh out of it with you. However, when people read blogs on the internet they often assume that the writer is talking about them personally; from those who say, “Right on, and this is what I’ve been saying for years,” to those who indignantly cry, “Why would you assume that I am like that?”
My friends, I do not know you. I am a writer in my spare time, and I write about observations I have made. Sometimes those observations hit home, sometimes they do not. But whether it seems that I have hit the nail on the head, or categorically missed all bounds of reason, please remember, I do not know you. I am not assuming you are like anything. I have never met you, or listened to you, or shared anything at all with you. I don’t know your story. I did not write that blog about you.
I wrote about a generalisation which we call Catholic Men and Catholic Women, but generalisations don’t read blogs. Individuals do and some of both agreed, some of both were indignant. I would love to correspond with each one of you individually and listen to your stories, and find out what you love and what you fear. Then I would know better when to reach out, and when to keep these clumsy hands of mine in my pockets. Unfortunately, this is time that we live in, and I just don’t have enough of it. Can I take a rain check on that meeting? Thanks be to God, eternity is coming.
If you were a Catholic woman who thought I was bashing all Catholic women in general and you personally, believe me, I mean nothing of the sort. If you are a Catholic man who thought that I was calling all Catholic men and you irresponsible and immature, unthink it. If what I or any other writer reminds you of yourself then listen to it and weigh it as you would any other opinion of any other total stranger. If it does not apply to you, let it go.
For those who suggest that I switch the genders around and think seriously about what a GCW would look like, I assure you, I have been doing that for many years. I have known many such women, and I am related to more than a few of them. I am aware of their otherness as a group, and more than that of their individuality. Each one is her own person, to be known and related to in a way not possible with any other person alive. Although their otherness has at times been very inconvenient to me, I stand by the principle I wrote. I would not change them. I would have them free to be who and what God created them to be.
For those who think this is an excuse for Catholic He-man-ism, or that “the problem is that NCG’s aren’t ready for Good Catholic Men (GCM)” I suggest you read what I actually wrote, or check out some of my other posts, but I believe that post made it quite clear that I believe that the problem with the boys is that they are not stepping up. It is the responsbility of the individual to strive for greatness. Other things I mentioned like fart jokes, leaving the toilet seat up, or finding interpersonal drama comical were meant as examples of different perspectives that come more naturally to men than to women. They are as likely to be valid as their feminine opposites. They are also examples of opportunities to step outside of your own natural inclinations and listen to someone else, to try to see things from someone else’s perspective. It is a chance to listen.
And as for those who want to take every opportunity available to yell about bikinis, would you give it a rest already?
I would however, like to apologize personally to Seraphic and her commenters. I wish I could rewrite that last sentence. I was not mocking you at all. I admit, I was teasing a little, but I was not mocking you, or your commenters, or their heartaches or struggles. I was laughing only at the acronyms NCB and NCG, and the constant use of them. That meme is funny to me so I laugh at it, but it is good-hearted laughter, and as it was written that did not come across. I am truly sorry for that.
9 thoughts on “Oh Good Heavens!”
Your apology is gracious and I think its all good…even with a brouhaha, I think there is a real benefit to getting real feedback on a topic. I will be honest with you…people said things about my culture that bear no resemblance to how I see and have experienced the very culture I live in…it was a learning experience to see what people are really thinking.
We have had a few discussions here that people started as nice and pleasant “if you want to have a wonderful marriage and happy family, you should do these neato things I have done and your kids will turn out great”. My responses were not what they were expecting and I will admit a huge chip on my shoulder where that whole topic is concerned…not just for my family dynamic but for those who I care for…people can do EXACTLY the right things and NOT get the result they hope for. I would argue that the ensuing conversation was helpful as was yours.
I have engaged in 2 discussions about clothing amongst Catholics and I have no idea why the subject makes people insane…I will likely avoid all of those discussions in the future. yea
Sorry I missed the commotion! Although I wasn’t part of the fury, I think you did an amazing job with your response in this post. And as a fellow blogger who sometimes ruffles feathers, I am going to refer them back to your “I don’t know you and I’m not writing about you” line.
Okay, Ryan, I have checked with my readers, and I accept your apology on their behalf. All the best!
Still, the original post was immature, idiotic, and hard to understand.
And as for those who want to take every opportunity available to yell about bikinis, would you give it a rest already? >> Hahaha, amen!
Thanks for the apology! Please continue writing – I enjoyed the discussion your posts brought!
To be honest, I never expected my one-sentence reference would generate such controversy. I assumed it was generally understood and not controversial.
I’m slightly baffled by the response to the discussion itself. A lot of people seem to think it was some sort of odd, outrageous thing. A serious disagreement about Catholic ethics came up in a discussion, and we discussed it. Isn’t that what the combox is for? Sorry if it was a bit off topic. Seriously, if you think a philosophical discussion in which a little heat might be present is somehow ridiculous, maybe that’s a sign that you’re a “nice guy” or “nice girl”- you should be able to take a little heat!
If I may add in my “two cents” aka my motherly insight…I think Ryan was, at least this was my interpretation, saying that there needs to be more go-getter women who aren’t simply focused on tying the knot. As a single woman, there is great thought put into “will he ever come?” but, God is bigger than a (hu)man and we aren’t only spouses and parents. Our vocation involves our career, does it not?
Any wonder why many good men avoid dating and marriage like the plague?
I almost think some women need to recite the Miranda Rights at the start of a date: “anything you say can and will be used against you”
Personally I think only male writers should give advice to male singles and how they can become better, more godly men and only female writers should talk about and give advice to female singles and how they can become better, more godly women. This includes talk about how people should dress, comport themselves, etc. Otherwise offense will be taken. Also, to singles of both genders who seem to constantly war on the Catholic blogs, would you rather be right or would you rather be married? Apparently there are a lot of singles out there who just want to be right and they will continue to be bitter and lonely in their rightness.