So dude, do you have a girlfriend yet?

[ 8 ] July 20, 2012 AD |

Allow me to take you way, way back in time….all the way to 2007! (Hey, five years is a lot when you’re still in high school.)

I had moved from Connecticut to Texas the year before, and was finally getting around to reconnecting with all my friends from back East. I didn’t have Facebook, so I was forced to use these strange devices called telephones. One day, I had a very interesting conversation with one of my best friends I’d known from Connecticut. I was talking to him about all the stuff that had happened since I left, and eventually, even though we were both only 13, he got on the subject of girls.

He asked me, “So dude, do you have a girlfriend yet?”

I was stunned. As I’m sure you can understand, my innocent little Catholic boy side was deeply offended.

“Are you kidding? I’m only 13! How could I be in a relationship already?”

At the time of that conversation, he was on his 12th girlfriend.

Yeah.

This is an isolated incident (I hope), but it says a lot about our society’s attitudes towards a very tricky social issue. It’s nothing new, but the more people my age that I meet, the more and more I start to understand a very sad truth: Among teenagers, dating is a game. At some point in time, a societal norm came into existence, a norm which has infested my fellow young people with a dangerous lie, a lie that states that we kids somehow should be allowed to engage in that which is none of our concern.

As a Catholic, I understand marriage is a sacrament and should be taken seriously. Dating and relationships are a means of searching for a spouse, and I therefore take them very seriously as well. What I am dying to know is why so many of my friends do not. I’m a guy, and yes, we enjoy spending time with girls, but that doesn’t mean we all need to engage in these so-called “relationships.” As a society we have let the reality of dating and its fruitful implications die, and in doing so we have completely disregarded the spiritual danger for teens brought about by frivolous dating.

Now I understand, not all these relationships are absolutely terrible. I’ve met people who are happily married that met their future husbands and wives in high school, which is great for them! However, the vast majority of people my age I know are constantly in and out of these relationships. They let them dominate their lives, distract them from their studies, and sometimes they even get dragged into depression. And for what?

I’ve asked my friends why they do it, I’ve asked them why they think it’s worth it. A couple years ago a friend of mine, who was 15 at the time, said he was in a relationship because he was sure he wanted to marry the girl he was with, yet six months later they broke up and he was happy as could be. Another friend I asked, a girl the same age, said she was only in relationships because they were a good excuse to make out with boys.

Why have we let this happen? How is it so many millions of people have completely misunderstood the concept of dating? I mean, it’s very simple. If you don’t plan on getting married anytime soon (especially if you’re 13 years old), then what are you doing? I mean, it IS possible to have a good time with members of the opposite gender without them being your “bf” or “gf”. Trust me, I know. Somehow, we need to find a way to help my fellow high schoolers understand that there is more to life than dating. We have to help them understand that their value and worth as a person is not going to be measured by how many people they’ve been with. God doesn’t care if you have a girlfriend or not, and if my generation learns to understand that, then maybe dating and marriage will be what they are truly supposed to be.

[author] [author_image timthumb='on']http://www.ignitumtoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/blog-picture.jpg[/author_image] [author_info]Jack Kuplack is a Catholic home schooler and one of ten kids. He’s been a member of the Civil Air Patrol (The Civilian Auxilliary of the United States Air Force) for over five years, and is currently the Cadet Commander of the Randolph Composite Squadron near San Antonio. He’s been preparing to join the military for years, and intends to after high school. In his free time he either blogs over at Who Needs Green, plays guitar, studies physics, or kindly plots ways to subdue his hyper siblings.[/author_info] [/author]

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Category: Dating, Single Life

About the Author ()

Jack Kuplack is a Catholic Home Schooler and one of ten kids. He's been a member of the Civil Air Patrol (The Civilian Auxilliary of the United States Air Force) for over five years, and is currently the Cadet Commander of the Randolph Composite Squadron near San Antonio. He's been preparing to join the military for years, and intends to after high school. In his free time he either blogs over at Who Needs Green (http://whoneedsgreen.blogspot.com/), plays guitar, studies physics, or kindly plots ways to subdue his hyper siblings.

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  • http://tjburdick.com Tj Burdick

    If I had your maturity back in high school, I would have been much stronger of a man back then. But, like the minority, I had to learn the hard way. We can never underestimate the power of the world. Rather, we must live in the truth to effectively conquer society’s flaws. You sound like you are well on the way. Don ‘t look back.

  • douglas

    You have been blessed. Therefore you have more of a responsibility than those who have not been so blessed. Great post. From my vantage point (59) I see the root problem as most people do not focus on the answer to the only important question: Is there an infinitely powerful Creator God Who is the only possible reason for there to be meaning in life and purpose. Because they do not really seek the answer to this question, find God, Jesus Christ…. they instead get caught up in trivial pursuits (everything seems trivial because way down deep, they know that without a Creator God who loves them and gives meaning to their existence, they are nothing. and therefore they look for “happiness” in all sorts of things, including relationships.
    You might be interested in a book my son wrote: :”What every Man needs”. You can check it out where he blogs at themanwhowouldbeknight@blogspot.com
    He has written a couple of posts on Ignitum, “hunger and thirst” onJul 9 was the latest. He is a staff sargent with special forces as a medic and was homeschooled also. Keep up the good work.

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  • douglas

    I left a comment yesterday and realized last night that my son’s blog address was incorrect. It should be http://themanwhowouldbeknight.blogspot.com/

    Sorry about that. Keep on, never lose the love of the truth. The love of the truth is different than accepting the truth when given it be a priest in a sermon. 2Thessalonians says God “will give them a deceiving spirit because they have not accepted the love of the truth so that they ay be saved”. If all young people could see their parents truly loving the whole truth, think how different the world would be.I want to have t-shirts printed with the message
    “Parents should be seen truly loving the whole truth, so that they may be saved. see 2thessalonians 2:10″ I do not see why every minister of every faith should not enthusiastically support it in the belief that if people honestly seek the whole truth, then God will lead them to their faith. Catholic Bishops should want every sudent in parochial schools to have at least one such shirt. But that has not happened yet.

  • http://notaminx.blogspot.com Trista

    Thank you for this post! God bless!

  • Ann

    Great post! My oldest son is starting high school next year after being homeschooled and I have tried to prepare him for what he will encounter, including dating, PDA, etc. He only just got the birds and the bees talk this summer so he was very sheltered. There is a lot of peer pressure to date in school but I’ve already told him he will not be allowed to go on a date at all in high school. Courtship is for finding a spouse and he is 10 years away from being in a position to marry. I doubt I need to worry too much since he still thinks girls are weird and wouldn’t go near one if his life depended on it. However, I do want him to have healthy friendships which can include girls, just not romantic relationships.

  • Abigail C. Reimel

    Great post, Jack! It’s refreshing to hear a guy your age talking about dating and relationships in such a mature, Christ-centered fashion. May God bless you!

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