Desire and Fear

Desire to be despised, rebuked, calumniated, forgotten, ridiculed, wronged, and suspected. Fear being esteemed, loved, extolled, honored, praised, preferred to others, consulted, and approved. There are no typos. You should desire some and fear others – this is quite opposite of what the world tells you, and frankly what many Catholic blogs tell you.

In fact if you read some of the popular blogs, the ones that go charging into battle with all the bravery of a knight, but the sense of a field mouse. Many will tell you how awesome Catholicism is, how superior it is , and how ‘freakin‘ something it is. They use terms like ‘badass’ to describe how we should be as Catholics, how certain things ‘suck’, and how true ‘beauty and love’ make us Catholics something worth honoring and praising. While they are right in many ways, the message is getting lost in the method. Somewhere along the line they give the idea that because of these things, which are indeed true, that we the faithful, should be desirous of things which I dare say we should fear.

Now, before you drag me off to burn me at the stake, let me explain. I am not trying to attack Catholic bloggers, that isn’t my point. Likewise, it is not my intention to insinuate that the Church Militant should turn into a bunch of namby pambys and sing Kumbayah. I am all for an aggressive arm of the Church Militant marching boldly into battle, throwing fear and personal safety to the wind. In case you don’t read my blog, I am known to be rather… well,  Militant.

All that being said, I had a revelation about what we should properly fear and desire. The list above comes from the Litany of Humility, composed originally by Cardinal Merry del Val. It makes sense that  we should approach the Lord Jesus Christ with contrite, meek and humble hearts. This prayer, this litany, this mentality can only come when we learn to free ourselves from the desires of the world and from the fears of any of the world’s punishments.

By flipping the prayer around a bit, as I did at the start of this post, I began to understand how to properly orientate my heart. So when the prayer says, “From the desire of being praised… Deliver me, Jesus”,  I started to fear my desire for it. Similarly, those things which we normally fear, I began to desire them. Certainly this isn’t a long term goal, to be ridiculed, forgotten, etc… but it places me, and more importantly my heart, on a path to understanding what type of person I should desire to be.

While watching our parish Christmas Pageant today it all came together. To be truly brave, to be truly strong, and to be truly ferocious – we must learn to be meek. For a guy with a blog that has “BATTLE” in its title, you would think I would steer clear of things with “Humility” in the title. But it all came to me while watching the pageant. This stylized version of the “Nativity Narrative” had a scene where Joseph and Mary are begging inns to let them stay the night : “…she is pregnant and due to have the baby.” We know this baby to be the ‘Son of God’ but He goes unnoticed.

My thought was, “Wait, God sends His Son to be born human. He allowed Mary to be Immaculately Conceived. But He doesn’t arrange a place for His Son, the Redeemer, one consubstantial with Him, to have a suitable place to be born?” What was God trying to tell us, to teach us, in all of this? 

We complain about things this time of year so much. Long lines, the ‘War on Christmas,’ bad gifts, too many gifts, Santa-No Santa-St. Nick-Festivus-Kwanza et al, etc… HE was born in a cave, a manger, a stable. This wasn’t so that we would feel sorry. That is what the Cross helped us do. No, this was to teach about humility. It was done to help us be  ‘freakin’ esteemed, loved, extolled, honored, praised, preferred, consulted and approved. This was a message to all of mankind.

There is a scene from The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe where Aslan discusses with The White Witch-Queen, Edmund, and the fact that he is a ‘traitor.’ Peter, draws his sword against the Queen and she says, “Do you really think mere force will deny me my right… little king?” Isn’t this exactly what we are crying out for as Catholics? That we are right, and that we must “…take heaven by force”? It is… and we should. But what does Aslan do? He could command the entire Narnian Army to attack, but it wouldn’t be just. This isn’t about the world or even us… but something more deeper, it is about God.

Being Catholic isn’t about esteem, honor, or praise; it is about Christ – Truth – Love. When Aslan announces that Peter is safe. The Narnians rejoice, and the triumphant music plays. But then you see Lucy, with her heart in the right place. She sees Aslan, and she sees that he is not rejoicing. In fact… he appears meek and humbled. For he will walk to the place of shame, he will sacrifice for love, he will cast off everything that we so desire in this world, and fear none of that which we often fear – for love. To be powerful, to be Christ like, we must first become humble.

Shouldn’t this be the way we live our lives? Shouldn’t our quests to raise up and defend the Church be similar? Shouldn’t we be working to cause great rejoicing in others, even if it means that we face all those things we fear? To be Christ-like, we mustn’t try to big like Him, but instead, be small enough that people see only Him, and not us. We must get out of the way so that people don’t see us, but instead see Christ.

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That other may be esteemed more than I,…

That in the opinion of the world others may increase and I may decrease,…

That others may be chosen and I set aside,…

That others may be praised and I unnoticed,…

That others may be preferred to me in everything,…

That other become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…

[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]https://ignitumtoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Joseph-Koss-e1315858810775.png[/author_image] [author_info]Joseph Koss is a husband and father who is currently hunting, fishing, and worshiping God with his family, in Alaska. He is still looking for that “dream job” but in the meantime dabbles in Catholic blogging, writing, and political communications/press-relations. He grew up in Michigan, and went to college and law school there; graduating from the Ave Maria School of Law in 2009. A “Re-vert” to the Catholic faith, he would love to one day go back to school and get a Canon Law degree. He is fascinated with angels, good pens, Catholic martyrs, books, UnderArmor clothing, nuns, and religious statues. He blogs weekly at , his personal blog isDefend Us In Battle.[/author_info] [/author]