Mommy blogs and how popular they have become,
is the topic of conversation these past few days. Julie wrote a wonderful piece last week about them and Jen Fulwiler over at NCRegister.com wrote another one just yesterday.
I have noticed a common thread amongst some of the commentators though. These young women feel left out and left behind- Almost slighted by the stay at home mothers that seem to indicate that they chose their life of being a single career women. Now don’t get me wrong; this is NOT a pity-party. I simply want to present the case of a single young lady from a different perspective.
There are a lot of stereotypes about young career women. The immediate assumption seems to be that you are some sort of feminist with a hard-nose agenda if you are over 25 and not married. Back in September, Anthony Bueno wrote an eloquent article on the struggles single career girls face. Here he states:
“Many smart men are sadly too dumb to realize that these Catholic career women will happily give up their career to have a family. In fact, many of them are dying to do it. While they wait for a good man who will not be intimidated by her intelligence, level of education, and perhaps even that she makes more money than him, they become career single women with no incentive to be otherwise.”
So yes, Jen and Julie are right in that we read other women’s accounts of their happy family lives with a sort-of jealousy. Still, given the options, we continue to wait patiently for the right guy to come into our lives. I have learned though the example of a few friends, that far worse than being lonely is the loneliness of being married to the wrong person.
What is interesting to note, (and I love this bible passage) is that the ideal woman by biblical standards is far from a typical stereotype. Apparently, she has had plenty of dealings in business, organizing and hard work. Check it out:
10 A good wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. 14 She is like the ships of the merchant, she brings her food from afar. 15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and tasks for her maidens. 16 She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. 17 She girds her loins with strength and makes her arms strong.18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. 19 She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. 20 She opens her hand to the poor, and reaches out her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes herself coverings; her clothing is fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. 24She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers girdles to the merchant. 25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. 27 She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gate. Proverbs 31:10-31
Wow, we have a lot to live up to! Just don’t forget that there are many great Catholic women out there who are intelligent, educated, successful, and are still very feminine. Girls who are simply trying to live God’s will in their lives day to day, while serving the church, and those around them. Girls who would happily trade it all to be writing ‘Mommy blogs’.
Thoughts?
10 thoughts on “The “Other Girls””
“Just don’t forget that there are many great Catholic women out there who are intelligent, educated, successful, and are still very feminine. Girls who are simply trying to live God’s will in their lives day to day, while serving the church, and those around them.” Amen!
I’ve thought about this often because it’s true – sometimes I feel slighted or hurt by the attitudes that married Catholic women have towards unmarried Catholic women. Sometimes it seems like they want to say that they did something “right,” while we are doing something “wrong” or have chosen the wrong path. As if waiting patiently and prayerfully to meet my husband wasn’t hard enough! Then to have no support!
I do find mommy blogs to be a near occasion of sin for me on certain days. I long to be a wife and mother – but God hasn’t blessed me that way yet. I’m on His time, not mine, and it would be nice if married women remembered that, too.
We all need to pray and support each other!
Such a great piece! I actually had a friend recently who kind of implied in something that she said that since I’m 25 and single, there’s basically no hope for me. Eek! I may not have a high-paying, fantastic career (yet), but I would gladly use my skills and high education level to be a mommy.
Liesl,
As the daughter of a very well-educated mommy, I can attest that it is a wonderful experience. When I was little, I thought my mom knew everything. Now I realize she does, though I stump her if I start spouting architecture jargon. Otherwise she knows the answer to virtually any question I ask.
Yes, I think this is a great point, Rachel. In the long run, it’s God that gives us our vocation and sometimes that includes a lot of patient waiting. I especially liked: “Still, given the options, we continue to wait patiently for the right guy to come into our lives. I have learned though the example of a few friends, that far worse than being lonely is the loneliness of being married to the wrong person.”
I’d also point out that for a woman who agrees that marriage must be open to children, avoiding marriage avoids children. Not everybody likes kids. (Heck, I hated being a kid. Why would I want to have one ?)
It is very difficult for a single, nice woman to find a husband in today’s jungle. Most men seem to be shallow, society sees nothing wrong w/promiscuity, & negative stereotypes abound if 1 is a virgin.
That said, there are still many nice men out there who are looking for nice women. One just has to think “outside the box” in order to find them.
Here are a few ideas:
There’s nothing wrong with online dating as long as one takes precautions. For example the 1st few dates should take place in a very public setting. Also please use reputable online dating services.
Ask your familiar dentist or doctor if they know any single male patient who would be interested in meeting you. Of course they know who their single patients are!
Ask your mother! She may not know available men personally but she knows their mothers.
Go on blind dates that were set up by friends. He may not be your type but most likely you’ll have a good time & might get a free meal out of it.
Go out with the man even if he doesn’t meet your physical standards. Fat men can lose weight, men w/bad teeth can have them capped, & balding men look good bald. Look at his heart.
If the man was an ex drug addict, an ex alcoholic, or an ex sex addict, & has led a clean life for a few yrs w/therapeutic help, don’t say no to a date. God forgives & redeems. Everyone can have 2nd chances, give this guy 1 too.
Don’t say “No” to a date w/a man who is not college-educated but can support himself. You can still maintain reasonable standards—- like making sure he can chew his food w/his mouth closed!
Don’t say “No” to a man outside of your religion. Just remember if you get serious & talk about marriage, let him know that the children from this marriage must be Catholic. (He might convert to Catholicism because of your joyful, Catholic attitude.)
Always be a joyful Catholic to your coworkers, neighbors, & strangers. Make it a habit & then it will become part of you. Men are attracted to sincerely, happy women!
Finally as many have mentioned, pray to God to help you discern your vocation. It may not be marriage but a life as a sister or nun or consecrated virgin.
I appreciate the article, although I think it’s another stereotype that a woman always wants one or the other, and is only educating herself and working until she can find a husband and start a family. I believe some are called to do both, can do both, and want to do both 🙂
“I believe some are called to do both, can do both, and want to do both”
AMEN!
I didn’t marry until I was 35, and I am now a SAHM, raising our wedding night baby. For years and years, I didn’t think it could happen for me. And I was gradually becoming more comfortable with that fact, looking into other ways that I could serve and live out my life.
Thank you for this post — may I never forget those days, may I never make assumptions about other women (married or single).
Ah for the days of arranged marriages!
The great threat to marriage is the promiscuity of promiscuity. Just look at the advertisements, at the movies, at the prominence of such harlots as Lady Gaga. These all demean women.