I love my job (except when it makes me feel crazy)

[ 6 ] October 14, 2011 AD |

Today my one year old gave me open-mouth kisses as he giggled.  My two-year old ran across a crowded living room and gave me a great big hug.  My three-year old explained that the Eucharist, “the little white cookie,” is Jesus’ blood and we can eat that, but we cannot eat blood when we are riding our bikes really, really, really, really fast and fall and get an owie.

Also today the older two did not nap and woke up the youngest way too early from his nap and my middle child had multiple tantrums at the library.  I had several things I needed to accomplish this afternoon, from moving the clothes to the dryer before they grow mold to baking birthday cookies for my brother to writing this post.  But instead the kids became fussier and crankier.  And then they got out every puzzle we own and dumped them all out in the middle of the nursery floor.

Okay, maybe we only have ten puzzles and seven of them are super simple with pegs.  But still!

So I turned to Lost.   I never watched the show when it originally aired, but am now making my way through all the seasons.  When I’m stressed and all the kids are napping I Netflix my next episode while I fold laundry or breathe deeply.  But today – today!  When I needed it! – what it gave me was Jin’s death!  What?!!!  I mean, I was having a crappy day, I didn’t need to be crying while feeling cheated.

So the next clear choice was to eat cookie dough and listen to Baby repeatedly.

Finally, something that worked!   Or maybe it was the fact that I specifically asked two friends to pray for me.  Maybe it was all three.

Let’s be honest here.  Every day there are beautiful gifts that come from being a parent.  The abundance of love, joy, and cuteness are astounding.  I am blessed to be a mom.  I’m blessed to have three little kiddos playing and laughing and moving about the house.  Children are only a gift and are always a gift.

But sometimes they are difficult, whiney, stubborn, cranky, demanding, and needy.  All at the same time!  Sometimes, they can drive a sane person madder than a hatter.

I have found that in the midst of days like today the last thing I want to do is pray.  When I think of God there is a bit of, “You did this to me!” in the back of my mind.  This is why holiness is in the every day.  Or as St. Gianna said, “One earns Paradise with one’s daily task.”

Another zinger from Gianna is this, “Why do you not succeed in doing good?  It’s because you do not pray enough!”  Did you feel that?  Zing.  Because if I’m being perfectly honest, it’s not the kids’ fault that I lose my temper and my patience, it’s mine.  Yes, sometimes kids are really, truly trying.  And sometimes I just need to put on an episode of Caillou and lock myself in my bedroom for 20 minutes.  But what I need to do then is not stress eat or waste time on the Internet, it’s get on my knees and beg for mercy and help.

What about you?  If you’re a mom or dad with a little more wisdom and experience I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!

Category: Family, Life, Married Life

About the Author ()

Bonnie Engstrom is a cradle Catholic and stay-at-home mom. She married her dashing husband in 2006 and they now have five children: one in Heaven and four more wandering around their house, probably eating pretzels found under the couch. Bonnie lives in central Illinois and gets excited about baking, music, film adaptations of Jane Austen books, and the Chicago Bears. She was a cofounder of The Behold Conference and she blogs at A Knotted Life.
  • http://lasteuropeans.blogspot.com Titus

    Ooh, Lost: bad move, there, Mom. Watching that show is the television-viewer equivalent of being Fortunato from “The Cask of Amontillado.” It lures you down its passages and into giving away hours, years, of your life by promising a deep and fulfilling mystery in which its various inscrutable complications will be unraveled as intentional and meaningful. Then, at the end, it reveals that it was nothing more than a haphazardly constructed collection of nonsense and walls you up in the cellar.

  • Amanda

    A quote from Edith Stein…. My comments in parenthesis

    “God is there in these moments of rest (whether behind a locked bedroom door, a breath of fresh air as you step out your front door to escape craziness, a pause at the crucifix, sitting on a deep freezer alone in your garage, reading the love note your child left you)

    and can give us in a single instant exactly what we need (I never exactly know what it is I need, but HE does. For that, I am eternally grateful. He always sends such sweet consolation).

    Then the rest of the day can take its course, under the same effort and strain (kids dumping puzzles, fighting, tantrums, homework, Jr. High tears over wardrobes), perhaps, but in peace (my heart longs for peace, my heart longs for God).

    And when night comes, and you look back over the day and see how fragmentary everything has been (what exactly was I supposed to be doing, CRUD – you forgot your instrument AND your lunch, I left the mayo in the pantry, what’s that smell?),

    and how much you planned that has gone undone (that load of laundry, that dirty floor, the weed-filled garden, that boy scout patch that didn’t get sewn on),

    and all the reasons you have to be embarrassed and ashamed (I yelled at my kids, I was late for adoration, my child was disrespectful at chess club, I never finished that rosary, I lost my patience way too quickly, my expectations were unreasonable, I didn’t make time for my husband):

    just take everything exactly as it is, put it in God’s hands and leave it with Him. Then you will be able to rest in Him — really rest — and start the next day as a new life (Thank you sweet Jesus. Without this, without You I could never be the mother want me to be.)

  • Stacy Trasancos

    This is a great piece from a friend and mom of eight – specifically “The Mommy Tunnel” part. :-)

    How to raise eight children without even trying

  • Veronica H

    Don’t listen to that comment about LOST Bonnie, just keep going. ;)

  • http://virtuouspla.net/ Julie Robison

    I not only love this post, but I appreciate it. Thank you, Bonnie! Also, thank you for the Gianna quotes! They are so wise.

  • LJ

    Thanks for sharing! Could you provide where those St. Gianna quotes came from? I would love to read more.

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