Dignity in Diapers

[ 14 ] September 19, 2011 AD |

In the 9 months since our daughter was born, I have changed approximately 1,500 diapers. I’m not sure how much spit-up I’ve wiped (how could you measure?), but I do know it’s been a lot. Some days I don’t wash my face until 5 p.m.. Some days I never make it out of my sweatpants. Some days, victory can be declared if I make it through the afternoon without opening a bottle of merlot. Motherhood is hard. Stay-at-home motherhood is not for the faint of heart.

I am an educated person. I grew up reciting the mantra of our culture; “Yes, you can have it all!” I worked hard in both college and graduate school, but I also knew that when the time came for babies, I wanted to be at home. The decision was made even less painful by the fact that I was working a part-time, low paying job when we conceived our daughter. The choice to stay home was easy. Even so, on tough days when the baby is clingy and the house is chaotic, it’s easy to wonder, “What am I doing with my life? Am I wasting my time?”

Of course, our culture answers with a resounding, “Yes. Yes, you are wasting your education, talent, and life.” Another blogger recently posted an exchange she had with a colleague at her job in the business world. Her colleague recounted how after being a stay-at-home mom for 8 months, she begged her husband to go back to work, because  all she did was change diapers and wipe spit-up, and there was no dignity in that. I think it’s easy to see how someone can fall into that trap. After all, if my definition of dignity is that which makes me feel good and accomplished, or brings me public recognition, then yes, changing diapers and wiping spit up isn’t very dignified.

However, we know as Christians that dignity means something completely different. Dignity is that which comes inherently from being a son or daughter of God, and which can never be rightly violated, or ignored, regardless of how much we contribute or if we ever receive public recognition.

Mother Teresa wrote in her book, In the Heart of the World:

Hungry for love, He looks at you. Thirsty for kindness, He begs of you. Naked for loyalty,  He hopes in you. Homeless for shelter in your heart, He asks of you. Will you be that one to Him?

When I came across that passage I was moved to tears, thinking of my daughter. She is all of these things. Hungry for love, thirsty for kindness, naked for loyalty, homeless for shelter in my heart. She is the one God has given to me as Christ in a distressing disguise; helpless infant with unrelenting needs. How have I responded to her? Have I allowed myself to be as Christ to her? Sometimes, yes. On those beautiful days when my blinders come off and I see motherhood, as the joyful duty of delight that it is. Other days, far too many of them, my heart is hard and motherhood smacks of drudgery and travail. I am resentful when Maggie demands much from me, or upends my plans, my will for the day.

To the world, it does not matter who wakes Maggie up in the morning, who knows her favorite breakfast, who changes her diapers and sings the silly songs while doing so. It’s of no importance whatsoever to the world if I do those things or if someone else does.

But it matters to Maggie. She comes to me as Christ, begging for love and acceptance. From me. Christ is slowly smoothing the edges of my hard heart, using the sweet smiles and heart-wrenching cries of a baby to reach me. Changing 1,000 diapers may not bring me public recognition, but I can’t imagine doing anything more dignified these days.

Category: Family, Jobs, Life

About the Author ()

Sarah Babbs is a married mother of a toddler girl, writing from Indiana where she moved for love after growing up on the east coast. Sarah and her husband, a lawyer, lead marriage prep classes for their parish in addition to daydreaming about becoming lunatic farmers. During stolen moments when the toddler sleeps and the laundry multiplies itself, Sarah writes about motherhood, Catholic social thought, and ponders the meaning of being a woman "made in the image of God". Her website is Fumbling Toward Grace.
  • http://thecornerwithaview.blogspot.com Julie Robison

    This is beautiful and oh-so-pertinent. Thank you for sharing!!

  • http://www.theguidingstarproject.com Leah Jacobson

    Love this! Makes me want to calculate the number of diapers I have changed these past seven years, with four babies. :)

  • Bruce in Kansas

    Someone has got to change the baby’s diapers and sing her a song, wipe off her spit-up and pat her back. Who do we want to do it if not Mommy and Daddy?

  • Bruce in Kansas

    BTW, ten children over 24 years here. I don’t want to calculate…

  • http://michelle-endlessstrength.blogspot.com Michelle

    Hi Sarah! That is a beautiful quote from Mother Theresa! And oh my! How I must remember that as my children in their current ages can try my patience so very often! I think how the baby makes his demands known to his mother and I am able to see with my other children that the demands increase as the child’s age increases and their opinions! oh their opinions! :)

    Love your post. And thank you so much for the shout-out!

  • http://thedevoutlife.blogspot.com Mindy Goorchenko

    Thank you for sharing this beautiful reflection. I find I am the best mother when my children are the most needy…my 3 year old last night woke up multiple times with profuse sneezes that covered her face with snot. She was so pitiful…it is a blessing to have a clear purpose in that moment to simply wipe her face clean and comfort her. I wish I was always that kind of mother but I fall terribly short.

  • http://wonderfulworldofweez.blogspot.com Louise

    Oh, how I LOVED this post! This is a beautiful reflection on dignity which was very much needed by this fellow diaper-changer. Thank you for sharing Mother Teresa’s quote and for applying it in this way.

  • Donna

    Personally, I think that the sooner a kid learns that Mommy’s world does not revolve around him or her, the better. I’ve seen far too many adults who expect their parents, particularly their mothers, to center their lives around their child’s latest crisis. This may be improving the spiritual lives of the parents, but it sure as heck is doing the kid no favors.
    Also, in the really traditional model, mother may have been at home, but she was not constantly available to the children. She was far too busy feeding the chickens/making soap/ planting the vegetable garden/etc. to be a helicopter parent.

  • Sarah Babbs

    Donna, Your comment might have some truth to it for children who are capable of doing things for themselves, and what children are capable of doing on their own changes with age. But, have you met many infants lately who can change their own diapers? Even then, taking older children into account, I’m concerned with your statement “that the sooner a kid learns that mommy’s world doesn’t revolve around them, the better.” But as parents, my husband and I have a primary responsibility to put the needs of our children above our own. That’s why I stay at home with my infant daughter, and he works hard at his job, then comes home and takes over so I can get a break. Serving the other, particularly the ones entrusted to us personally; that’s the call of Christianity.

  • Laura

    I didn’t notice who was the author of this post until you mentioned Maggie… So funny that I recognize you through you child’s name. Great post

  • richard

    Motherhood is the way to go.

  • Ashley

    Hey! Thanks for this- I feel like I’ve really shared this experience… and in response to Donna, I know what you are getting at- but I don’t think that working hard running a household and being a responsive parent are mutually exclusive- I wore my daughter on me, the way many traditional cultures have for all history- which allowed me to grow a food garden (well, it actually sucked, I have a lot to learn, but I worked out there dang hard!), do the laundry, clean, cook, and all the other adult things I needed to do. My daughter, now two, is capable of helping me with dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking… because she’s watched me do it everyday, and I try and go slow when I can so that she can learn and help out more… she knows the household doesn’t revolve around her, rather that it revolves around God & around loving and serving Him and each other… but she also knows that I am near when she needs me, and I think that that gives her immense emotional security… to be able to choose separation from me at her own pace… Which outstrips my own comfort level most of the time! There definitely IS a crazy brand of parenting going on these days, where the mom & dads needs don’t matter, the household doesn’t matter, and the child’s schedule (even as a baby) is filled from morning to night with “activities” marketed as aiding in development of the child… and I agree that centering our lives on our children is getting it wrong… however, keeping our children very close to us, allowing them to experience the center of our lives with us: our Lord & His Service- Loving Him and loving our families and all people… through the normal daily requirements of family life… I think this is a wonderful way to parent… the most wonderful way. May God give us all all the graces we need to fulfill this amazing vocation to which we are called!

  • http://facebook Mary M Murphy

    At 91 I look back on those years of my life between 27 (when our first child was born and 52 when our tenth child turned 10) and remember all the joy and happiness we shared with those kids! I know there were days that were tiresome and unending but there is nothing I would change! Great memories to live with!

  • Pat

    I loved your post. What you wrote is true. I believe that if you meet her needs now, then she will be independent and happy when she is an adult. I think that if she is the center of your world now, then she will not need or want to be the center of it when she is older. I like the way your baby book says that for an infant under one year of age, needs and wants are the same. She wants you. She needs you.
    Caring richly for her now does not mean that you should buy her every toy or shirt or purse when she is 5 or 10 or 15.

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